Frustrated Aunt Venting!
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|Fri, 06-13-2003 - 9:04pm|
We have our 15 yo niece living with us. -Her mom is a former drug addict who now lives with and off her parents (my inlaws) and her dad lives out of state. Her mother - now off drugs - makes no effort towards improving her situation so that she can take care of her daughter, but continues to live with the inlaws in a nice upscale neighborhood, gets provided for 100% ... in short no motivation to pull her own weight. Her dad is a law-enforcment officer in another state who states every once in a while (2x year) in a letter that our niece could come back to live with him at any time - I assume to prevent us from asking for child support - but who never seems to be able to pick-up the phone to call her and see how she's is doing. She has 2 siblings: 18 yo sis, who's living on her own and a 17 yo brother with a juvenile criminal history, who used to live with the dad and is now living with his mom at my inlaws. In the past she was allowed to move from one parent to the other, whenever she felt like it. Anyhow, that's the background we are dealing with... and here are a couple of things that drive my crazy:
1. She is very active in sports and had a very active schedule, so after months of begging, we agreed to a cell phone for her (prepaid minutes only!!!), which she received for her birthday (which is 2 days after Xmas). For Xmas vacation she went to see her dad with a stopover at another aunt's house (super well off financially). From her she asked for another cell phone, because the one she received from us did not have the exchangeable face plate she wanted. So my SiL got her another cell phone with a monthly minute plan - totally against our agreement (I'm sure our niece had mentioned nothing about that to her).
2. Because her grades slipped from a 2.6 GPA to a 1.0 GPA in a 12 week period, she was restricted from going to her friend's house after school but was told to come straight home to "maximize her studying time". This resulted in hour long phone calls, we then restricted the phone calls as well. She got around to not seeing her friend by signing up for "after school tutoring" - together - AND by asking her mom to come by and see her and using her cell phone (paid for by the family business) to call her friend.
3. She then decided she wanted to join the local girls' softball league (she was taken off the school basketball team due to her grades)... yes her friend is playing there as well. I reluctantly agreed, because without the outlet of sport, she becomes very aggressive, and signed the application. THEN she gets around to telling us that it will involve $400 for jerseys and other items, NOT including additional funds necessary when they travel, did I mention it was a travelling team - NO?...well neither did she! I was steamed...but trying to be supportive we paid the inital payment for the jersey....THEN I find out, that she is too old to play in the current available leagues, but that she can practice with them and be a "team helper". Well, I'm not willing to pay for that and pay for her travelling through the State as a helper and to be with her friend, which is what this is all about, of course.
4. Yesterday, around 11 am, she went to her friend's house to play softball. We had asked her to come to the graduation ceremony for DS, but she refused. By 8 pm, we still hadn't heard from her, although there is a standing request to check in with us. AT 9 pm I called the friends house (from our cell phone, we were still on the road) and she was still there....telling me that she had left a message on the home answering machine letting us know that she decided to spent the night. Again, she is to check with us BEFORE making sleepover plans and NLT than 7pm. We have not yet heard from her today - we know she is still at her friend's house and one of the parents is usually home - but this time I'm refusing to track her down. She's been told again and again and again and again, that she is to check in with us.
Since we are providing for her 100%, with little to no help from either parent, I am expecting more cooperation from her, but all we seem to be getting is manipulation and disrespect. I know, I should be more on top of things, but with an ADD DS, 40+ hour job working in the family business and a husband who's out-of-town more than intown, I am constantly playing catch-up.
Thanks for letting me vent.