Frustration setting in AGAIN!
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| Fri, 11-17-2006 - 11:26pm |
Been awhile since I've posted. Things with DS18 have been okay for the most part until tonite when I blew a gasket. He got a job about a month ago working at Blockbuster video. Its a 10-15 minute drive for him from our small town into the city. He seems to be enjoying the job for the most part as he's a movie and video game buff as well as most of the people working there are his age. Only minimum wage though but that doesnt seem to bother him yet.
I loaned him $500 over the past couple of months to pay for car insurance and a few other things. He got his first paycheque last week of $500 and I told him he could pay me half now and half next cheque. He paid me promptly which was fine and bought a few things he needed. Now, the frustrating part. The area in which we live in has an extreme shortage of workers. Every business is suffering because they can't find enough help. Some of the bigger companies are actually flying in workers from out of the country to help with this boom we are in. DS has NO work ethic whatsoever and is getting away so far with coming in late - sometimes up to 30 minutes - even without a phone call. I keep telling him that if he keeps it up, he's going to get fired. He says there is NO way he'll get fired because they need the staff and are willing to overlook it - says he's not the only one that does this.
I get home from work tonite at 5 pm and he's still in BED! He was supposed to be at work at 5 pm. I of course go ballastic and tell him to call work that he's going to be late and get moving. 30 minutes later he's still in bed. I go downstairs again and yell at him. He makes no move to get up. I remove the modem from his room and said that if he doesnt go to work then he will not be playing his computer games until he does. 20 minutes later he gets up and gets ready to go - still no phone call to his job. Then he has the NERVE to say he EXPECTS the modem back in his room when he gets home. He's not even paying me rent yet - told him I wouldnt charge him until January 1. I flew off the handle again, ranting and raving about his attitude, how dare he give me ultimatums, etc. etc.
Now, for those of you who have followed my DS story over this past year, we have come a long way from him quitting school, to finally 8 months later actually working. It just frustrates me to no end that he can get away with such a horrible work ethic and his "I dont give a s--t" attitude - "fire me and I'll get a job somewhere else". I dont know how to instill something better in him. Do I just wait it out and if he does eventually get the axe, consider it a lesson learned for him? SIGH!

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As much as it killed me, that's exactly what I had to do with DS-17. He told me the exact same things "I can't get fired, etc, etc" He was sooo embarassed to tell me that that's exactly what happened.
We had a horrible showdown when he wanted to miss work within the first week... haha, still so sure he couldn't get fired. Once he was, I never brought it up again. And trust me, he's trying a whole lot harder now at his next job.
In my situation, though, I hadn't been loaning him money for cars or insurance, so that's a little more tricky.
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That was nervy...
I emphathize with you... wish I had more advice.
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I would give him back the modem and show him your displeasure in another way. Don't do him any favours until he is up and working. That means no special cooking, laundry, money, favorite snack foods, etc. at all. Go about your daily activities as if he was independent of you. I would tell him that I am doing this until he shows that he can hold down a job and show appreciation for what is given him. If he isn't getting any handouts at home he may soon see the light.
As for the job. Perhaps he quit or was fired and is not telling you. After all he has only been there a month and I'm sure that any employer would not put up with that for very long and expecially from a new employee. Perhaps he called in sick while you were not home and just didn't want the hassle that would come with telling you. Kids will avoid the truth to avoid conflict. I would wake him for work but if he was intent on staying home I would not push it. I would tell him how disappointed I was and leave it at that. Silence sometimes speaks louder than words. He has to learn from his mistakes and he is young so he is bound to make many.
No, he's definitely still working there. He got home late last night while we were in bed and left a note on the counter that he brought home 3 new release movies that wont be out until next week if we want to watch them. I find it so odd that they are putting up with his lateness but like I said, the businesses are just happy to have someone to fill the void even if they arent great employees. BUT you never know, maybe they will get tired of his ways and eventually let him go. I did put the modem back in his room and am going to take the advice and treat him like he's independent of us. I dont do many favors for him now. I have offered in the past to do his laundry but he gets mad and says he can do his own - although half the time he's walking around in dirty clothes - drives me nuts! He also buys food if there's nothing in the house that he likes to eat. So other than the money I have loaned him, which he's paid back half, I dont do a whole lot extra for the kid. We are planning a family trip to Mexico at the end of January that he's looking forward to, (yes, we are paying the shot but spending money is up to them) and it would REALLY irk me if he's not working and I'm paying for a trip for him at the same time - thats another reason why I'm so frustrated about this.
I've seen such a great change in his attitude and outlook on life since he did get this job - I know he enjoys it and the money he's making albiet not great - I just hate to see him get canned over his lateness BUT I know he needs to learn a lesson at the same time. Hard to sit back and watch thats all.
If all the employees are this age, it is probably common. Heck, the manager is probably 19! And if the 30-60 min he wasnt there weren't busy, they just saved themselves some wages.
I would focus on the wonderful, I repeat, wonderful, progress he has made.
Dont sweat the small stuff!