Geez...Did I Over-react??
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Geez...Did I Over-react??
| Sat, 02-04-2006 - 7:35am |
Last night my DD and her friend made plans. They went to a dance, had fun and the the girlfriend was staying overnight. DD's boyfriend called and wanted to come over (at midnight. I was asleep and bleary... but I said ok). He came over, they were talking in the dining room, when I started coming down the stairs. I overheard him being rather disrepectful and "kiddingly" calling my daughter a bitch. Then I heard him say something about a threesome with DD, friend, and him. I continued down the stairs, looked at him and said "I heard that. Now get your jacket and I am taking you home." DD totally blew up on me and said he was kidding and that I was overreacting. I got DH who backed me up. She said she hated us and could not wait to move out when she is 18! I told her and the BF that if he wanted to date her he was going to have to treat her with more respect. He hung his head and didn't say anything while she just kept yelling at me. Geez... I WAS standing up for HER. Why would she allow him to call her a bitch and toss around the idea of a threesome? Ugh. I am upset because she doesn't have higher standards.
Deb
Deb

Bf may have just been kidding, but it still smacked of disrespect for your DD, and you have now let him know what is acceptable in your home and what is not.
Did you over-react? Yes and no. I love that you confronted him. He will know not to mess with you (or your dd if there is even a remote chance that you might hear) in the future. It might have been a better idea to stop at "I heard that". Look him in the eye, wait about a minute (hours to him) and walk away. Still, it was the middle of the night, you already made the concession of allowing him to come over and I can see how you might have reached the end of your rope. Under the circustances, you weren't out of line to take him home ... but a more measured response might have had a greater impact.
If I were you, I'd sit down with dd and say "It might have been easier on you if I'd allowed him to stay, but understand that I was standing up for you and how I believe you should expect to be treated and I will speak out again if the circumstances arise". If you feel an apology for giving him the boot (but not for speaking your mind) is in order, by all means say it. But, "kidding" or not, the kid was out of line. Sometimes "kidding" is thinly-veiled harrassment.
She may say she "hates" you now, but she WILL appreciate that she has a strong mom who has taught her to expect respect.
Good for you!!!