"Get Out of My Life" a review

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
"Get Out of My Life" a review
5
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 11:19am
Was this the board that recommended this book, Get out of my life but first can you drive Cheryl and me to the mall"? I got it, and it's great. The dialogs sound just like my house. I'm having a really hard time getting my ds do his homework. Last week I found out that he was missing quite a few assignments, AGAIN, and this is after 4 months of therapy to help him with this and a learning and study skills class. This kid just will not do it. So last week I told the therapist that I was just going to let him fail. I could lead a horse to water but can't make him drink. Now, after reading this book, I'm not so sure this is the best approach. So what I am going to do is stop asking him if he had homework and what it is, like we agreed at his session last week, but stick to our original agreement that for a specified length of time, like from 5:30 to 6:30, he was to study. It doesn't matter if he stares at the wall, for that hour, there is nothing else for him to do. Actually, his therapist did suggest this approach a while ago, but I suppose I've been my usual stupid wimpy self in enforcing it.

Ellen

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 4:14pm
Yes, I'll try not to weaken!! LOL! Or get jealous of my friend whose kid is so self-motivated, it's scary. But to even things out, her other kids are just like mine is. LOL!
Avatar for radmom413
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 8:57pm
I got this book due to a recommendation here and I loved it! Made me feel like I truly was not alone, my teen's behavior was truly normal and I would survive!

Cindy

~ * Cindy * ~

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 5:12pm
I've been recommending "Get Out of My Life..." here & on the ADD board for a while. Like you said Shady, sometimes you need to hear something from several sources before you decide to try it. My kids had from after school, till about 6pm, to chill. When I got home, I would check the assignment notebook, and the homework. If everything was done, great. If not, no TV, 'puter or phone till homework was done, or bedtime. We password protected the turn-on AND the on-line log-in, so they couldn't even turn the 'puter ON, unless WE signed them on. They got to keep their extracurriculars as long as their grades were C or better, altho I DID let them stay in Band as long as the grade in THAT was A, even if some of the other were faltering. I thought it was good for them to succeed in SOMETHING as long as the time they had to spend on OTHER classes did not suffer. When the grades began to drop, out went the volleyball & the dance classes. They did not drive till grades were up CONSISTANTLY. My younger dd didn't even take Drivers Ed til she was a SENIOR. They also knew their jobs would go too, if the grades dropped. Sure, sometimes I despaired because other parents could just sit & watch TV, while their kids just went & did what they needed to do. But hey, that's life. Life ain't fair. Remember--It's a great life if you don't weaken!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:35pm
I know exactly what you mean about those snippy remarks. My ds said one to me yesterday, and I made a conscious decision not to respond. It was sweet. LOL!
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 1:06pm
It's an awesome book - has a very common sense approach, really. I really enjoy reading a book that I could actually relate to and say, "Oh yeah - I get that too!". So many parenting books have situations and ideals that are sooooooooooo very different in my house! I love the author's approach to children with special needs and difficult situations such as absent or divorced parents. Best $14 I've spent this year!

I also need to remain consistent with my no TV rule between 5:30 and 8:00. That's our dinner/homework/chill-out time period and while I'm usually on top of it, sometimes DH will come home and flip on the tv without thinking - thus, the teens think that means its okay for THEM to plunk down and watch as well.

I'm also in the process of moving our computer into a more centrally located area so that I can monitor its use as well.

The most difficult thing for me to get over with my daughters is learning to let thier littl snippy comments roll off my back. We've always been so close because of my divorce when they were so young - we've always spoken very openly to one another and they've shared experiences with me, but now that I've been transformed into a 'dinosaur' by their standards of what's cool (and I'm not), they are little snipy, surly girls at times and I needed to learn how not to take it so personally. You know that first time your kid says, "I hate you" and you feel your heart cruble to a millions bits? Well, these days, I couldn't care less - lol. Of course I want my kids to love me, but I'm not willing to compromise my moral code and belief in what's best for them and they are learning this.

No one ever said it would be a piece of cake, right? Hang in there - what else can we do?