The girl next door is PG!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
The girl next door is PG!
12
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:18am
After our family meeting Monday night, my husband and I were talking and I mentioned that we probably ought to have a "sex talk" with the kids soon as it has been a while...well, last night, we were talking to the neighbors across the street and found out that the girl next door, who is in J&L's class (HS junior), is pregnant!!! And of course, she's one of those girls who's a "good girl" and would never get herself into trouble...good student, involved with her church, good manners...we really like her and encouraged our kids to hang out with her, but within the past year or so she had become really involved with this boy that both my kids had said they didn't like or feel comfortable around, and M (the girl) was never around to hang with anymore because she was so busy with this boy all the time. Wow! I felt sick when I heard that news. What's really interesting is that she's quite far along, due in November. I hadn't seen her in a long while as she lives with her mom during the summer in order to babysit her younger sister, and would have just recently moved back in with her dad (the next door neighbor) for the school year. Apparently she's taking classes online now. And so, there's going to be a baby shower for her this Saturday which I have come to find out my daughter has been invited to, but she never said anything to me about it - and she never told me M was pregnant, either, although I'm sure everyone in the high school has known for quite a while. I'm still reeling from all this and gathering my thoughts for the sex talk which is now going to have even more significance...

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Community Leader
Registered: 06-27-2006
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 2:18pm
Oh my! I know what you are going through, only one of my kids good friends was pregnant. She miscarried last week, tho. It made me sit mine down and talk to them again. Just take your kids in and give them a big hug. Talk to them frankly and answer any question they might have very honestly. I'm of the mindset that I would rather have them get their information from me than their friends. Keep us posted on how it goes.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 3:29pm

OH MY! Do you have THE TALK often? Maybe thats why you weren't told, ya know how the kids know everything. They probably looked at each other and rolled their eyes and said something like,"Great, now mom will want to talk to US AGAIN about SEX- EWWW!" Gotta admit though, I bet they're thinking two and three times about any activity with this happening right next door. I hope you aren't in one of the communities we hear about where the kids are TRYING to get pregnant like some kind of badge.


Only by the grace of God did my middle girl NOT get PG in middle or high school, she sure tried.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 7:05pm

As surprising as it might seem, yes, the "good kids" do have sex too!

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

Facts on American Teens' Sexual and Reproductive Health

January 2010
SEXUAL ACTIVITY

•Nearly half (46%) of all 15–19-year-olds in the United States have had sex at least once.

•By age 15, only 13% of never-married teens have ever had sex. However, by the time they reach age 19, seven in 10 never-married teens have engaged in sexual intercourse.

•Most young people have sex for the first time at about age 17, but they do not marry until their middle or late 20s. This means that young adults are at risk of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) for nearly a decade.

•Teens are waiting longer to have sex than they did in the past. Some 13% of never-married females and 15% of never-married males aged 15–19 in 2002 had had sex before age 15, compared with 19% and 21%, respectively, in 1995.

•The majority (59%) of sexually experienced teen females had a first sexual partner who was 1–3 years their senior. Only 8% had first partners who were six or more years older.

•More than three-quarters of teen females report that their first sexual experience was with a steady boyfriend, a fiancé, a husband or a cohabiting partner.

Back to me:
The biggest difference between a non-pregnant teen and a pregnant teen? The non-pregnant teen is using reliable birth control. I know a young woman who was very active in her church and the school's abstinence program who still was sexually active before she graduated from high school. Among my daughters friends in high school - none of them were virgins by early in their senior year - they graduated in 09, and none of them have been pregnant yet either. As appalling as it might seem, to be 16 and sexually active is not that unusual, nor does it mean that the girl is "bad news."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 8:25pm

Coming from another mom that's on the other end of the teen years - I have to agree with Rose. Mind you - I would have been just as appalled and horrified 6-7 years ago when my boys were young to mid teens. I mean - you raise them up to just not 'do that' before either being married or at least out of college and in a committed relationship, right?? We are very active in our church - I was the secretary for 4 years, the boys have been going there since before they can even remember. Both very involved in youth group from 6th grade until they graduated. And they were both 'good boys' - older one was salutatorian of his class of 200, active in martial arts, band, etc. Younger one not quite the student and joiner but very 'straight edge' in high school as far as drinking/smoking/drugs/etc. (now that did change a bit in college). Anyway - older ds didn't even make it out of high school before losing his virginity. It was that senior hear from he**. Younger ds made it until right before he went to college with his high school gf of a year. Met another girl a few months later, she got pregnant within a couple months and you all know the rest.. He was a father before age 20.

There are SO many birth control options in this day and age and kids are so informed - it just boggles my mind that some choose not to use anything.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 8:36pm

this is sad to hear. my daughter was talking with her friend today after school who is a freshman.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 8:48pm
It's really scary to think of freshmen being PG--I mean they are hardly old enough to take care of themselves. I got nervous when my DS' DSS had a baby & she wasn't married that he would think this was just a great idea. I pointed out to him that she is over 21, works, lives w/ my ex & her mom and the baby's dad also helps out. So much different from a teenager.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 12:17am

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Has she had a real boyfriend yet? Sometimes that makes all the difference... my DD also thought sex was gross, even had a b/f or two and maintained that idea. And *then* she met T when she was 15, and her whole attitude started changing about the time they'd been together for 4 or 5 months... when they'd been together for about 6 months she asked to go on the pill. I wasn't happy that she was so young, but on the other hand, I couldn't be with her 24/7, and having a 15 1/2 y/o DD on BC is a whole lot better than having a preggers 15 1/3 y/o DD. She and T have been together 4 years now... still no baby, she's going to college part time and working 3/4 time, he works full time and then some, they've been living together for 14 months, and are planning on their wedding in 15 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 5:57am

she isnt even into dating. she has a couple of friends that are guys, but no dating. one gu actually asked for my permission to date her. i told him it was up to her and if she felt comfortable for the dating thing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 8:17am

Well, my husband and I had "sex talks" with the kids individually last night. We kept them short and to the point. First thing was we mentioned M and what happened and asked for their thoughts about that and whether they had any questions, then we gave them our opinion (sex should be between married people) but told them their bodies, their choice, but we recommend using protection if they choose to be sexually active. Our daughter's reaction was basically that sex is gross; our son's was that he was planning on waiting until he was married. Maybe they were telling us what they thought we wanted to hear, but at least we opened the lines of communication and got a lot of stuff out in the open. Both of them have been in touch with her lately, which I think is nice and I told them so because she's been pretty much ostracized at school. I don't feel like we should shun her - she needs all the support she can get at this point, what's done is done.

Later last night after thinking about the situation some more, I realized we had made an assumption that it was an unfortunate accident. Maybe M got pregnant on purpose, for example if her parents or the boy's were trying to break them up. Maybe she's thrilled to be expecting. I however still find it disturbing and really odd for a teenager to have registered at Babies R Us...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 10:24am

I agree. My dd is 13 1/2, and she used to be "grossed out" as well, but this seems to be changing a bit now that she has entered the 8th grade. A boy named M, asked her out, she straightens her hair, and always smells good going out the door,

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