Girls and porn

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2006
Girls and porn
3
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 4:07am

I recently caught my daughter masturbating. We're pretty liberal in our home, we've seen each other naked so it wasn't a big deal, but obviously I'm not going to watch her so I turned around and left. The thing is, is that I found her masturbating to a playgirl magazine (a sort of girl version of playboy). And well i don't really feel bad about it.

The thing is that a yr ago when I caught my nephew looking at porn I gave him this huge lecture about respecting women and how porn degraded them. But somehow I don't feel the same strong reaction seeing my daughter with a playgirl magazine.

Maybe I guess is that well, guy looks at porn, and you fear he might go and do something stupid like date rape or something, whereas you don't usually think of girls being able to do that to a guy.

I'm thinking of talking to her about it but I'm not really sure what to say. Have any of ladies ever caught your daughter with porn? Did you talk to her about it?

I guess i just need help in what to say to her, if anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
In reply to: s_goddess
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 8:12am
I haven't actually caught anyone of my kids, but nearly did catch dd and one ds. Luckily with each time I realized what was going on and was able to make my presence known to them and allow them time to get themselves together.
As far as the difference between boys and girls, I'd say it should be treated the same. Both should respect the opposite sex, and I can understand that as a female you might think that it's more ok or acceptable for your dd to be looking at the pg mag than your nephew looking at a pb mag. I would actually feel the same way but reversed, I would be horrified that my little girl needed to view such things, but my ds's would be totally normal to me. So... the best way to handle it is the same way for either sex. Both should be told to respect people in general, both should be told that masturbation is totally normal (religion aside here people, sorry-- I'm a good catholic with 6 kids, lol). Considering everything that is going on in today's worlde, self masturbation is the only form of safe sex out there. With each kid (4 so far) I've talked to about sex, this is always a blushing point for both, but it's better they are taking care of themselves than having someone else doing it for them.
Most important is really to not dwell on actually catching her, I'm sure at any age she is totally embarrassed. I would explain that it's completely normal, if you feel confortable telling her about your own experience it might make her feel more relaxed (or disgusted depending on her) but although it's totally normal it should only be done in private. I hate to admit that dd actually asked how many times I would do it (as a teen she meant, not now) and I felt a little strange but did give her an honest answer. My boys pretend that they never do it, and I told them that's fine too. Like I said, I'd much rather have them getting their outlet on their own than with someone else's aid.
Good luck.
Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: s_goddess
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 8:53am

"oh my gosh, girls do this to?"

Sorry, I couldn't resist with all the posting I have done about Girls being the same as boys :) Really, your statement about boys looking at porn and then possibly turning to date rape is just what makes me crazy :( Oh well, the only thing that I think I would talk to your daughter about as I have my sons, is that although you understand their needs, porn can become very addictive and cause problems in ones life. Of course, some would think that only would happen to a man :(

Julie

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: s_goddess
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 9:00am

I think it's important to eliminate as many double standards as you possibly can.

Whatever your opinions are about anyone viewing porn it should be across the board. I have spoken with both my dds about porn, strip clubs, etc. I tried to impress upon them that *IMO* it's not something to mess around with on a casual basis. If a committed couple feels the need to add a little zip to their sex life and introduces porn videos, mags, etc., that's thier business but that they should also keep in mind that by doing so, they are allowing a third party into thier intimate relationship and *IMO* that's not healthy.

I personally have a zero tolerance for porn of any kind - I've seen the damage it can do - however, I understand that some people are fine with it. If there is a strong aversion NOT to allow your son or nephew to view porn, the same should be true for your dd. The bottom line is that I fear young teens will take porn out of context and that will become thier model for future relationships; it's got an overall icky factor; it can be degrading and disrespectful to both women and men; it has been linked to sexual violence again women; and if has been proven to be linked to teen promiscuity. Not to mention that porn and masturbation addicts are increasingly on the rise and going into therapy because they can't have a normal relationship without it. That's scary!

How about suggesting erotic reading material? It's been proven that a woman's strongest aphrodisiac is her mind and that women are more turned on by reading fantasy material than viewing vidoes or magazines. When I was around 19/20 I worked at a store that carried 'reading material' and found it way more erotic than playgirl! My gf's and I used to laugh at the pictures in playgirl because it was rumored they were all gay...so why pose for women?? Ahem. lol.