Going Steady?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Going Steady?
9
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 7:25pm

So I've seen all of you ponder "friends with benefits", "going out" and other such terms used today, but now it's MY turn? What the heck did "Going Steady" mean? Did you seriously date more than one guy, and then only stick to one when you were "going steady"? Or did it mean that you're just...past friends? Did it take weeks or months for you guys to "go steady"? Was there a certain way of determining who was steady (Like on TV i've seen rings and jackets)? Was it spoken at all?

See, today i was trying to compare a term used now with going steady, but I realized
I had no idea WHAT it meant! I just don't get it, lol.

So any of you old folks care to help me out? =)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 7:51pm

MY parents "went steady." When I was a teen, it was just called "going out." and in fact, we usually didn't go anywhere. Going Steady and Going out are the same thing, 1 boyfriend to 1 girlfriend, mutually exclusive to each other. When I was a teen, it was a spoken thing, with some kids exchanging jackets (like the girlfriend of the football player wore his coat) but most didn't. It was verbally agreed on between the couple and everyone knew about it. It's just having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Nothing more complicated than that.

I find the term "friend with benefits" interesting. I guess we just went straight to the punch because *I* always just called it F*** friends, and that was really all that person was good for.

Have I cleared anything up, or muddied the water?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 8:10pm

((groan...))
ok... now it's apparent I'm really..really old.

"Going steady" was dating one person exclusively. It has no implied connotations to sexual activity.
It was usually just announced, but may have been accompanied by giving the girl your letter jacket or class ring.

Which brings me to a question for you...

Is it accurate that girls who want to casually date a number of guys are considered slutty these days? In the stone age this was considered normal activity to get to know one another. No sex involved. At DD's high school, it goes like this:
1. girl or boy notices the other and thinks he/she may be interesting.
2. They immediately begin to "go out" exclusively without really knowing anything about the other person.
3. It is implied that the relationship becomes sexual in about 2 - 3 months.
4. A short time after that, the relationship ends for various reasons.

Any comments??

Payasa, what term does your generation use for "going steady"??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 9:32pm

Thanks for the info, daddioe. I think the closest to "going steady" is "going out", for now.

I see things happening basically the way it goes at your DD's school. People just...know each other, and then they're going out. Usually though, there's big groups of friends and friends of friends, and they've always known each other kinda sorta, and then as soon as someone is single, someone in the same group will ask them out. So it's not like they don't KNOW the person, but it does happen quickly.

Girls are absolutely known as slutty if they date many guys! Regardless of what they do with the guy. It's just weird. I guess if there was no other reason (such as how she dressed, talked, hung out with) to think she's slutty, people would just think she couldn't make up her mind, or that guys just don't like her. More than slutty, people will think you're desperate. Instead of going on dates to get to know people, you just kinda see what other people say about them, and talk to them as friends. I dunno, that's just how things work here.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 9:34pm

I work with several 20 somethings and I think its a real shame that sex so muddies the waters

Back in the same dark ages you've been in, females could go out with a guy and just have fun getting to know him. They werent there pondering saying yes to a second date because they werent sure they wanted to have sex with him.

Its like one or two dates for them and they have to move on unless they feel that attraction-yucko!

How limiting

yep, the good oel days.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 10:49pm

Hey Korie - Here's how 'going steady' worked at my high school (we also called it 'going with').

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:27pm
Pretty much meant having one exclusive "guy" with whom one would spend school lunch hours, "hang out with", go to movies/mall or wherever. Going steady = having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Nothing more, nothing less...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 12:09am

Thanks korie..
That is very helpful to me.
I'm absolutely stunned at the group dynamics; the way they will go out with one for a few months and get intimate, then go out with another.. then another..then another..ALL IN THE SAME CIRCLE OF FRIENDS. I find it incredibly weird that kids can have small gatherings of social activities with ex boyfriends who the've had sex with. The majority of times (according to DD) the girl badly regrets it.
Scratch that..I'm beyond stunned. It sounds similar to one of those sick polygamy communes you read about in the newspaper.
Your generation has so much going for it, so much better than mine in a million respects yet this is one aspect that seems really jacked up.

Sorry... Had to get that off my chest.
I'm really not 102 you know... :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 3:12am
Exactly the same way for us in high school. Ah, those were the good old days!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 10:52am
In talking with my DD, going steady is the equivalent of today's going out. You only date that one person and it is a spoken agreement to only date that one person. When I was in high school, usually the guy gave the girl his class ring if he was old enough to have one. My DH gave me his and I wore it until the day it was replaced by an engagement ring although he had bought me a couple of other rings that I never took off either. I gave him a very small cross necklace that my grandmother had given me. He wore it until the day we got married. But usually, the girl did not give the guy anything - I just choose to do this sharing my faith in my relationship was extremely important to me and this was my way of reminding him of that.