good age to start teen girl dating

Avatar for arwen12
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
good age to start teen girl dating
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 11:28am
What age did your daughter start dating?

My 14 yo daughter has evidently been 'sort of' dating a 16 year old.

My father saw her at the library with him holding hands and kissing (pecking, he said).

She just asked me if she could have him over for dinner, which I thought was great and his parents have invited her to his house for dinner as well.

But, is this a little serious of a relationship for a 14 yo to have?

What are your experiences?

Thanks for sharing,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 12:19pm
I don't have girls, only boys ages 13 and almost 16. Our dating guidelines here are that once they get in high school they can go out with big groups of mixed-gender kids to public places such as movies, bowling, etc. I hate to even say group dating as that makes me think of 2 couples making out in a car somewhere!. Once they are 16 or so, depending on maturity, they can do the one-on-one thing. But we'd still encourage going out in groups, staying in public places, etc. And of course the rules will always apply that they can't have girls over if we aren't home, etc.

So, yes, I think your dd is a bit young to be doing the one-on-one thing but we all have different parenting views. What about the age difference? I assume at age 16 this boy is driving? Is your dd allowed to ride with him? We don't even let our older ds ride with new drivers.


Avatar for arwen12
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 12:50pm
This is all brand new - just happened over the past couple of days.

I don't think he is driving, but I'm not sure.

Anyway, no, she would not be allowed in a car with him or any new driver.

I don't think that NYS law allows that anyway, there would have to be a parent in the car.

Yes the age difference bothers me a bit.

She met him while at the movies with her girlfriend.

She has been "sort of" seeing him at the library or at the movies anyway.

I had thought about allowing her to go to the movies with him (of course if either I drove or his mother drove) or to pizza or even the library, but that is the extent of it where they would be 'alone'. Otherwise, they would need full parental supervision (I know she wants to go to the beach and Great Adventure with her girlfriends and I'm sure the question of asking him to come is right around the corner.)

So, my thoughts are that she likes him enough to have gone behind my back about it.

So I'm kind of at a crossroads between disallowi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 1:54pm
DD's first real boyfriend appeared between her freshman and sophomore years in HS when they were both fifteen. They were both in the same grade but she was a few months older and got her driver's license before he did. Their "dates" consisted of time at both his house and our house with parents around and a few school dances. Otherwise they were always with a group of friends. Their dating relationship lasted most of their sophomore year with a big emotional breakup at the end.

The age difference may or may not be a factor with your daughter and her "sort of" boyfriend, depending on how mature they are. But at her age I'd keep up the tight supervision, including dinner at your house so you can get to know him.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:18pm
My dd17 had asked very young (11yo!!) when she could start dating so we established guidelines early on. We said 14 for group dating, 16 for one-on-one, depending on her maturity--such as ability to resist peer pressure etc. And no more than 1 year age difference between her and the guy. Before she could go anywhere with a boy we had to meet him. She could have a boy over to our house before 14yo if there was a parent available to supervise.

As early as 8th grade she "went out" with a few boys at school, which was typically talking on the phone and holding hands at school. In 10th grade we allowed her to go on a couple of 1-on-1 movie dates, we relented on the age limit after we got to know the boys somewhat. She seemed to have more fun in groups, she wasn't so "into" any of those boys that she wanted a lot of alone time with them. She is still like that. None of her bf's lasted more than a few months.

It is a good sign that your dd wants to have the boy come over for dinner--at least she is not planning on conducting the relationship on the sly. It probably means that she has decided that she likes him enough to make the step of meeting the parents. One of the difficulties that we saw with our dd was that having to introduce the boy to the parents seemed to put the relationship into a different, more official status--which sometimes pushed things along faster than they were ready for. I don't know how to get around that, because we want to know who she is spending time with!

Welcome to the wonderful scary world of parenting a teenage girl!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 5:49pm
Mine hasn't been on a date as of yet. She's 17-1/2 and isn't really in any hurry. However, the rules here are, group dating at 16 and one-on-one dating at 17 (subject to change if we see fit).

Inviting a girl/boy friend over for dinner isn't serious in my book. Just keep an eye on them and if behavior and/grades change for the worse, then I would look closer into the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 6:33pm
My dd's are 19.5 and 17.9. Currently they both have steady boyfriends; the oldest met her steady a few days after her 16th birthday and they have been together since. He is a year older than her. The younger met HER steady a few days after her 17th birthday and they are still together (in fact, he's escorting her to her senior prom tonight.) He is four years older than her. (I expressed reservations about the age difference in the beginning, but he's been very good about abiding by the restrictions I've imposed on their dating due to her age....almost all their time together is spent either with his parents or with our family. Luckily, he's not your average bar-hopping 21 year old.)

That said, neither girl was allowed to date "one-on-one" or go on car dates until after their 16th birthday. They could hang out in mixed guy-girl large groups once they started high school though, to go to movies, the mall, bowling, mini-golfing, the beach, etc.

THAT said, I also have a 14 freshman ds who is currently dating a 17 year old junior. Their face to face contact is mainly limited to Fridays or Saturdays, usually spent with either his friends/her friends/our family/her family doing things like dinner or going to movies or concerts. Since they live in different cities and attend different schools, during the week contact is limited to phone calls only. She has her license, but only rarely is allowed to use her family's car, so mostly they get around using public transportation. Which is good, because he's not allowed to car-date yet anyway, since he's not 16.

Avatar for yuccabugg
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 12:36pm
I started 13. Nobody really "dates"'s just going "steady" and it doesn't always get very serious. That first relationship of mine lasted a year and a half by the way. It really just depends on the nature of the relationship and your child's maturity. Some people think we should wait...right now, I'm just taking a break from that whole scene.