"Good Christian Families"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
"Good Christian Families"
4
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:01am

Based on recent posts involving negative experiences with “good Christian families”, I feel compelled to comment. When our children pass that stage of pre-critical naivety to adolescent critical thought (and boy...do I mean critical)...many of our teens go through a period of questioning their (parents) religious beliefs.

At this point, sadly, many teens become agnostic or atheist for all the wrong reasons.

Ironically, they are usually rejecting concepts of conventional wisdom of the very early church; many still in place today. They are also rejecting the odd rigidity of many hard line Christians who behave in a manner opposite of what they profess. (Of which many posters have commented on)

For those of you with questioning teens, I would highly recommend the following books. This material is factually presented without “agenda” by an expert historian and professor of first century Judaism. He is also devoutly Christian....just not in a manner you might expect. LOL
I found it very compelling reading. My kids did too.( My previously agnostic DS read them twice in case he missed something.)

“Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time” by Marcus Borg
“Reading the Bible Again for the First Time” by Marcus Borg

The author was raised Lutheran, rejected his faith as a teen, then went on to an academic approach to biblical history.
I hope this offends no one. This can be a sensitive topic.

Daddio

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 9:18am

Thank you for posting on this topic and suggesting those books. I may pick them up today!

My 19dd has pondered her beliefs for a long while now, never really having a firm belief in any one religion or aspect of religion.

We are not church-going people. I grew up Catholic and for reasons I'd rather not state, I left my church and wandered for a while. I've found a nice balance for myself and have always tried to expose my daughters to various religions.

When 19dd was in her early teens she joined a Baptist youth group with her friend and enjoyed it very much - many of the activities were part of the educational program. She even bought a teen's bible and we read from it together a few times. I bristled at some of the teachings, but allowed dd to explore this. At one point, she felt uncomfortable and fell away. She then looked heavily into "New Age" spirituality stuff and really liked what she found. Then she began dating a young man from a strict Christian family; thier church consisted of only 35 people and everything they preached came directly from the bible; this young man carried his little bible with him in his car. His family is very nice, we had them over a couple of times for functions like prom, graduation, etc. DD attended thier church for a while, not steadily, but fairly often and she liked it. She said she liked the community aspect of going and seeing everyone, but she wasn't so thrilled with the beliefs being (as she felt) crammed down her throat. She ultimately broke up with this young man because he cheated on her with the "town bike" and I think that may have shattered any faith she had in Christianity. She is in a holding pattern at the moment, but is living with her aunt while on extern for college and her aunt is a born again Christian, so I wonder if this will provide for her a different outlook. We'll see.

My 17dd has never liked anything Christian - I have no idea why. She read the same children's bible when she was little and we visited several churches and she was right there while dd19 was making her explorations. For some reason, she just never took hold of anything remotely Christian - in fact, she's very critical of Christianity. She does, however, feel a strong connection to Earth based beliefs and feels that she is part of a higher power, just not like the one they teach at church.

I think that one or both of these books may, perhaps, help give each of my daughters some clarity in regards to thier personal beliefs. I don't feel they need to be Christians just because it's what they were baptized or because I was raised one, but I would like them to have something.

You're right, this can be a touchy subject, but I think it's important that you posted about it.

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 10:11am

Thank you Daddio for posting this. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach the idea of reading the books? I know this may sound stupid, but I am really treading on thin ice with this subject. I don't know if you read my post about my heart breaking, but my problem goes along with this girl. DS fell away from his beliefs before he started dating this girl, so I do not blame her for this, but she claims to be a wiccan (the reason I say claim is because in my research of this faith, you cannot be a wiccan if you are not an adult or in"training" by your parents. Her family is catholic) Any how, whenever I try to talk to my son about his feelings/faith, he just thinks that this is another "fight" about his GF :( Maybe someone has a creative idea on how I could get DS to read these books :) Of coarse, I'm going to read them first myself.

Thanks,

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:06pm

A very good question Julie.
Unfortunately, many books on this subject are full of one sided doctrine which is a real turn off for teens. Even the titles of these suggested books make some people bristle.

A few years ago when my DS announced he was no longer attending church because “the whole thing is a load of crap”, I asked him what he meant. As with any other subject, if you are going to dismiss something as irrelevant, you should at least be able to explain your position.
I told him to “please at least take a look at this author. It’s not what you expect it to be. He may actually agree with much of what you say”. He turns a lot of conventional religion on its ear, purely from an approach of a historian, and still comes out Christian.
Here is just one example.
DS rejected the idea of Christianity as the ONLY way to God. This commonly held misconception comes from Luke, in the famous “I AM” statements..
(I am the light. I am the way. No one comes to the father but through me.. etc, etc.…)
As the author points out better than I can, Luke was written about 90 years after the death of Jesus. Jesus definitely did not say these things. This doesn’t make it a lie; Luke was writing about how HE experienced God during a period in time that the Temple was destroyed by the Babylonians and there was much friction between the ancient Jewish community and this small group of Christian Jews across the street. The writer of Luke was not attempting to publish a “gospel” making it to the big book that explains how things are in Minnesota in 2007. LOL
I’m treading on thin ice here. I’m not attempting religious debate or conversion.
It just seems quite common that many of our teens reject God for a variety of unfounded assumptions. For those of you with a Christian foundation, I’m hoping this may be a valuable resource.

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:19pm

Thanks again daddioe :)

I see where you are going with this and I appreciate it. I guess if I read the books it will help me to open the dialog with DS as to why I think that he might WANT to read them :) Thanks again and have a great 4th.

Julie