Grades aren't my business?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Grades aren't my business?
22
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:00am
Speaking of "trying things on for size" (previous post), DD(16) has this evening informed me that her grades are her affair and she would appreciate my not looking them up online through the school website.
-Background -
DD is an A - B (occasional C) student. I have no issue with her grades or her ability to take responsibility for said grades. I don't make a habit of incessantly checking her grades or her progress. This issue came up because DD asked me to e-mail her teacher to provide permission for a field trip. The e-mail address is located in the school web site grades postings.
I noticed a D in Chemistry. I asked DD about it and she told me it was due to a two day illness creating missed daily assignments including a test that she has made arrangements to make up. All this is legitimate. She WAS sick, and I know that especially in this school, missing work can easily turn an A into an F. I am confident she will correct this back into the A/B range.
So...what do you think of this.... "request"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 5:39pm
Brava! Well said!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 6:14pm
How can I let them come and go as they please? Well, it was hard at first, and then one of them, at 21 y/o reminded me that they were the same age as DH was when our oldest was born, he was 20 when we started living together. (I'm 2 1/2 yrs older). So it seemed really, really dumb to be trying to restrict them, even though we really lifted most restrictions when they graduated high school. They also made the arguement that if they wanted to hit us up for college living expenses by living away from home, I'd have no clue when they were coming and going, so why should it be much different now? So we came to a compromise - don't wake me up when you come in, and I won't say anything about when or how often you come in later than is reasonable. But DO call if you're not coming home, or tm me to not wake me up, just so I don't panic when I wake up and your car isn't here. It's been a growing process for all of us, but we're all happier with this arrangement. Our room is right off the kitchen, and right next to the stairway to the basement where J (and S when he's home) live, and 90% of the time I never hear them when they come in. I guess it's just not a problem for us... I don't report to them where I'm going, or when I'm going to be home, and as adults I can give them that. I do however tell them when I won't be home, and don't wake them up when I get up in the morning, so I expect the same respect from them. On occasion I do hear them announce themselves to the dogs so they don't bark... but that is really a courtesy gone bad rather than lack of consideration on their part - and they have no control over whether the dog barks a welcome.
Rose

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