Grades: Do you reward or punish?
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Grades: Do you reward or punish?
| Tue, 11-08-2005 - 11:51am |
Just curious about what other parents do when report cards arrive.
Do you reward good grades?
| Tue, 11-08-2005 - 11:51am |
Just curious about what other parents do when report cards arrive.
Do you reward good grades?
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If one person in the family has straight A's, we all get ice cream. If there are C's, DD is put on notice that she will not play sports. The school may allow it but I don't. However, I actually did praise her once for a 56 on a History Final. She studied so very hard for that test that regardless of what grade she made, I was proud. I try to make it more about the effort and learning the material than the grade. A couple of years ago, she was pretty close to D's. She wasn't turning in her work. So every Fri, I called those teachers and if she was missing an assignment, she didn't go out on the weekend until it was completed to my satisfaction whether the teacher accepted it or not. She slowly began to realize that the work was easier if you did the previous assignment (go figure).
BTW, her nana does reward straight A's - $20. She has tried to give her the money for less than that and I said no. I finally did agree to $10 for all A's and 1 B but that's it.
As a BTDT parent- I just wanted to add some insight- my kids are both grown- DD is now 24 and DS is in college- is 19- he was never a problem with grades as he has always been very academic minded- DD needed some proding to keep her grades up there- she could do the work- she just would get lazy. However- at no time did we ever really award/punish bad grades- in our house it was expected you would to your very best!
However- you are correct to be concerned about C's showing up in the Junior year- and the idea that colleges "Only" look at junior year is a little out of date when DS was applying some of the colleges he was looking into- including the college he is now attending looked at ALL of the years- they wanted to see what classes he was taking from Freshman on- and what classes he was considering for his Senior year- the esp. wanted to see that he wasn't going to slack off his senior year! Again- it depends on the college/university you are applying too. And you are correct ALL classes count on your transcript- a C in gym may seem trival- but speaks volumes to a college admissions office and reflects back on how serious you take your classes.
If your DD is serious about attending college and has begun a college search- I recommend going onto some College Web sites, doing some campus visits- are any college fairs coming up in your area- attend if you can- start taking to admissions offices and ask them what they look at- maybe if she sees/hears it coming from them rather than you (after all your a mom- what do you know!) speak with her guidence counselor- can that person speak to DD about bringing her grades up? or what she needs to concerate on?
At this poin in the game- she has to start being responsible for her grades & the consequences - esp. if she wants to get into a more competive school
We don't punish for grades. Dd has a mild case of ADD and she is also fairly bright. When she doesn't do as well as her teachers and parents feel she can, it is usually due to lack of concentration and organization, rather than lack of caring. I learned a long time ago, that she beats herself up enough about this and doesn't need to hear it from us. For the most part, she does very well.
We do have a fun type of reward system. I didn't think of this - I read it somewhere a long time before she even started getting letter grades. Among her household chores, she has one chore that she must do daily. She can rotate "jobs" (this one chore) with every school year. This year she is responsible for "swiffering" the floors (we have all hardwood floors, three cats and a dog - so you can imagine why this needs to be done). For each "A" she earns, she is given a plastic spoon that she can redeem to get out of her job. Then, dh or I do it for her. If she gets all "A's", she gets a couple extra thrown in.
We've been doing this since 4th grade & she still acts like a little kid when the cup of spoons gets set on the counter after report cards come home.
I'm afraid I don't have much in the away of advice for you except to say that punishment should only be used under extreme circumstances. I have an acquaintance who was grounded for an entire grading period each time she dared bring home a "c". She is a very accomplished attorney, childless and one of the meanest people I've ever met. But she got good grades!
jt (who actually flunked gym in the 8th grade)
first of all - it depends on your general parenting style. if you acknowledge/reward your kids for good behavior all the time, if you acknowledge when they put forth *extra* effort, etc.
My son needs verbal praise (Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman) so when he gets good grades I load it on. I send a copy of his report card to my mother and my grandmother. They give him money based on the grades - my grandmother gives way more money than my mom LOL. My mom's system is $5 for each A, $3 for Bs and zero for Cs. If he gets a D or F she subtracts $5.
He's only had one D in his life and 2 Cs the rest have been all As and Bs. Unfortunately, one of the Cs came in the 5th grade (he's a senior this year) and his father threatened to hold him back a year. Yes, his father is a brute and verbally not supportive of our son (thankfully, I divorced him years ago). When he got that C, I had a math lesson - if you get an A on the next test, what is your grade? And the next test another A what's the new grade? I showed him that he could bring up the grade.
As far as grades for College....kids have to want to work at it, not to please their parents, not just to get into college if they aren't sure they want to go, but for themselves, taking pride in their work.
Carrie
I do punish for bad grades. REALLY bad grades, like D's and F's. IMHO a parent who punishes a child for getting a C is two cans shy of a six pack. You may decide not to reward for a C, but punishment? A C means "average". Does anyone not believe that their children might be average or produce average work in a particular subject? Never mind, I think I know the answer to that question. ;)
I have a real problem with the obsession with good grades and "getting into" the best colleges, etc. As parents, sure, its our obligation to keep our kids on track with their main "job" which is their education. We give them many "things" in this country, because its "expected". So what is wrong with expecting good grades? Nothing. But sometimes, if you look carefully, I believe parents are so concerned because its a reflection on THEM if their kids are not doing well. What will happen to Jane or Tom if they don't get into the "best" college? What will their friends say or think? Might they be reduced to going to the local jr. college (scandal!) to pick up a few credits and find out that what mom and dad were harping about all those years might have a grain of truth to it?
We have always made a big deal of good report cards and I don't know why. My kids absolutely do not struggle in school. They put forth very little effort beyond what is expected from teachers and come home with straight A report cards. When they were in elementary school, we'd pay them maybe $20 per report card. (They only starting getting allowances in the past year and it was pretty much the only money they got that they could call their own.) As they get older, we've done weekend trips or something to celebrate their academic success.
DD just got her first high school report last week. Only semester grades go into the record, so this one actually doesn't count; it's more of a progress report.
I've seen DD putting in many, many hours on school/home work and feeling she had worked so hard to get these grades (now in Honors/AP classes), was pretty liberal with my praise. Her comments? "What? It's what I always get, it's no big deal." ???
DS (middle school) says school is "stupid" or "boring". He rarely has homework because he does it all in class as well as a fair amount of leisure time reading. He doesn't expend much effort on schoolwork outside of class and still comes home with all A's -- or something very close to it.
Methinks its time to stop rewarding the grades. But you can bet if they start slipping, I'll be looking for some answers and if I don't like them much, they'll be some consequences.
She is really mad and says that it is putting undue pressure on her, but school really should be her job right now instead of the constant on phone or on line with him.
We reward by the 3 of us going out to eat, truly pretty regardless of the outcome; just kind of a congrats for surviving the quarter thing. We've never needed to punish; ds is harder on himself than we are. This year in 8th has been MUCH harder than any other year; the school admits they're working the 8th graders extremely hard. His quarter grades weren't like in 7th, but for the work I've seen him put into school, I have no complaints.
When I was in HS, I wanted to be on the girls' swim team (the team started when I was a junior). My parents told me that was fine, but if my grades slipped, I was off the team. Otherwise they knew I drove myself very hard, but I was never rewarded. To me, it's a pride thing, not a punishment/reward thing.
Sue
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