Grades going south, need advice!!!!
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| Fri, 03-09-2007 - 10:38pm |
My DD is 15. She is currently in 8th grade. She was a preemie, born two months early in late June. So I held her back from kindergarten until 6. She went through a divorce with us, her parents at age 7. In 3rd grade we held her back. Her reading was way below grade level. We also got her tested for ADD and ADHD plus learning disabilities. She did not have ADD or ADHD. But she has a very slight processing disability. She has had an IEP since 3rd grade. Slowly she did better and better until begining of last year she was totally up to grade level in everything and on honor roll (with IEP, which is very slight. She stays in the class for everything, basically checks in with a school tutor daily). Starting last year she had trouble getting her homework in. She had a rough patch, but recovered. Early this year she also had a rough patch and recovered to again get honors. During this trimester all of her grades have fallen to C's and she got an F in science. It is due to bad (failing) test grades and not turning in homework. I have access to her grades online daily and am in touch with teachers when need be. I take away privilages and she will slightly improve. The thing is she goes to dad's house one whole week, then here one whole week. He and I don't parent the same way. I am involved, he sort of just lets her do her thing. We talk about it, but he isn't really up to hard discipline. He wants the easy way out. I am not ready to go back to court for full custody because of $$$ or I would! She does better here. But anyway, the point is I don't know what to do. She is off to high school next year. Her and I get along very well. We talk and I know she is doing well in all other areas. SHe is not into drugs or drinking at all. Our town is very small and rather afluent. Kids here are good and get good grades. She is a wonderful kid. Loving, responsible in other areas ( does what she is told, keeps room up etc). She seriously is like the dream kid in all other areas. But with the way her grades are going, I am scared she is going to be held back again (who wants to be 21 when graduating). SHe wants to go to college and be a teacher (I know, crazy). She loves little kids and I can see she really wants this (more than 4 years now). I am at a loss as to what to do. I have helped her with homework nightly. Checked it. Taken away privilages. rewarded good grades. Her dad doesn't do much. I know she can get good grades because I see it on her daily count online. When she studies and turns in stuff, it is A's and B's, the occasional C' in her tough subject English. It is F's when she doesn't turn it in or study. So I know she can do it. I need to find a way for her to own this (she really is as responsible as any amost 16 year old except this) and be motivated. Even if it were C's (I don't want to tell her this) I would feel easier. But F's are creeping in. Sorry for the novel, I am desperate. Thank you!
Lisa

As an 8th grade teacher, I have seen other students in a similar situation, although the fact that your daughter spends alternate weeks in two different households does complicate things. If your daughter's grades are suffering because she isn't doing the homework and handing in assignments, I don't think things will get much better until she herself is motivated to do these things. Are her teachers supportive? We call in kids who are in danger of failing--especially if they have already been retained--and explain what will happen if they don't start taking responsibility for their work (missing class trips, summer school, going to the alternate high school, etc.). Do your daughter's teachers allow kids to stay after school on certain days for extra help? In our school, kids who are failing are often required (by their parents) to stay after for help or even just to get their homework done.
I think this time of the year is also difficult...in some cases, the work is getting harder and kids are getting tired of being in school. This is especially true for 8th graders who already consider themselves finished with middle school. Maybe your daughter's teachers could appeal to her desire to become a teacher some day as a way of motivating her. These are just some ideas off the top of my head. I know how frustrating this can be.
You know, I am going to talk to the science teacher about this (the subject she failed) and see if she can stay after school one night a week or something. We met with the special ed coordinator lady last week and I thought things were getting better. Obviously not since the science grade went from a D to an F. If it is possible for het to stay after school with him for an hour once a week or something, I am going to make her do it. Thanks for that idea.
Lisa
Hi,
My DD has ADD and it caused significant problems in school until I made it clear to her that she would have no social life at all unless she started doing the work. So I told her that I would check her progress every Fri and she wouldn't go anywhere until her work was done to my satisfaction whether or not the teacher's accepted it. So if I looked on Fri and she a 60 on a homework, she had to redo the homework until I was happy with it. Then she could go out with her friends. So if she waited until Sat afternoon to redo the assignment, then she didn't go out on Fri night but could go out Sat night. I made sure she knew that this was about learning the material - once I knew she knew the material she could go out. I also made sure she understood that she wasn't grounded - when she got to out was up to her. Do the work - go out. Don't do the work - stay in. It's her choice. T
his will be harder to do since she's not with you all the time but I would still try it. She may have to redo two weeks worth of work in one weekend but she'll eventually figure out that you mean business. My DD actually learned that it is easier to study as you go rather than cramming at the last minute. She is a sophmore in college now with a 4.0. Give it a try!