Graduation and Ettiquette Questions
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| Tue, 05-09-2006 - 3:26pm |
Okay, dd18 is graduating HS next month and we're having a casual celebration following the ceremony. The ceremony is at 5PM, outdoors, but if it rains it will be indoors with very limited seating. The party is afterwards at our house, probably around 7:30-ish. I have to have something that night because dd's bio-dad's family is all coming up for the ceremony (suddenly they are interested-another post altogether). My family will also be in town as my dd is graduating with my niece who also lives in our town. There is family that I KNOW will not make the trip (from CA) and it's possible that my h's parents may not make it either. So, I was considering sending out some type of invitation just so those I KNOW are coming are clear on times, etc. I don't want to appear rude and not send anything to those who I KNOW are not or cannot join us, but on the other hand, since I KNOW they can't be here, will it look like we're just begging for a gift if we send them an invite? Did those of you who have BTDT send out invites and/or annoucnements?? When people receive an announcement do they automatically think "Oh, they're fishing for a gift?" I have never received an announcement - it's always been an invite, so I wouldn't know. H feels I should send one to everyone and let them figure it out.
This wasn't supposed to be a big deal as dd didn't want a big to-do, but now it seems like that's what it's turning out to be. Thanks in advance.

I've seen various takes on this same question on other boards, and I've decided that where I come from, this is a whole 'nuther ball of wax from other places. Here, we send graduation announcements (which also has the time and place of graduation, making it also an invitation) to practically *all* family members and out-of-town friends. It is also customary to include a picture of the graduate in the announcement. It is just what is done here. When ds19 graduated, we sent out many announcements, regardless if they could come or not. And truly, we did not expect gifts from those people. Many did send tokens of congratulations, but it is not expected. (As a side note, we did not send them to friends here in the same town, but our town is only about 2000 people, so *everybody* knows who's graduating!) I think alot of it depends on the custom in your area. You might check with other graduating seniors in your dd's class and see what they are doing (or past graduating seniors, if you know any).
If you want to send announcements to everyone, you could do that, and then only in those that are expected to come to the party afterwards, include a note with the time and place for the party in their announcement.
I've seen (heard? read?) that sending announcements to everyone, including those that cannot come, comes across as fishing for gifts. Here, it is so customary to send them, I would be afraid of insulting someone for *not* sending one.
Ha. This was a lot of help, yes? LOL
In my family of origin, *I* am the family member that often cannot make family events due to distance or other factors.
Thanks - I guess I will ask around what others are doing. I have this really great program on my computer that I can make up some cute postcards/announcements/invites to send to family only. I will be able to paste her picture on it and keep it real lite hearted. I don't want it to come across as being a formal affair, because it's definitely not formal (we're getting a bounce house for the front yard) and we have a pool for swimming. My dd told me that a few of her friends are coming and I will likely extend an open invite to our closest friends and neighbors.
I was thinking of just putting "open House to follow ceremony - Join us to celebrate J's graduation!" and leave it at that. Thanks again.
We are more low key here. High school (or for that matter any one) graduation is not seen as a big deal. High school is done and now on to the next level. Many of her classmates are not even bothering to go. She is indifferent and I told her that if she didn't want to go, that's OK. It's her graduation. Actually, those parents who make a big deal about it here are considered "strange". When I finished high school, we didn't even have a convocation.
So, we would never think of inviting out of town relatives or have a party or whatever. Those who need to know, know already. Those who don't are not part of her life.
Better than a party with a bunch of adults or relatives she sees only occasionally, we will probably just have her very close friends over, with their parents, for a joint last
meal together in the summer before the kids go their separate ways.
If it were just us (immed. family) we'd just let dd have a pool party with her friends or something easy like that. But, since her dad's whole family is traveling in from out of town, we kinda sorta have to have SOMEthing. DD and I compromised by just having a lite fare BBQ following the ceremony - she can invite her friends if she wants and I will supply food and drinks for who ever shows up. We're having the bounce house to keep the little peanuts busy....
I've always thought that a HS graduation is a milestone in one's life and just about every person I know usually celebrates it in some way, whether it's just the ceremony, a party, or a quiet dinner with family. IMO, any graduation is cause for celebration of the student's hard work and efforts.
Edited 5/10/2006 2:29 pm ET by heartsandroses2002