The grass is NOT always greener

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
The grass is NOT always greener
3
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 10:48am

My 14 year old DS had an eye-opening experience this week. His pal, JD, who has been inviting himself to our house most of the summer, finally invited Chris to come over, and then once he was over there for a few hours, Chris called to ask if he could spend the night. I was fine with that.

Well, when Chris got home the next day, he seemed stressed out. He had fun, yes, but he wasn't so sure he liked being at JD's house. I finally got out of him the following:

JD has no rules and can stay up as late as he wants and do whatever he wants (including, apparently, stealing his sister's "glow in the dark" makeup crayon and writing on the wall with it)
JD's family does not have a "proper" dinner (Chris' word). People just grab things out of the fridge when they get hungry.
JD and his mom yell at each other (and even swear!)
While Chris makes sure the JD has turns on the video games at our house, JD apparently played on his Nintendo DS for a long time and never even offered Chris a turn

All in all, Chris felt it was very chaotic. He likes our house, with its rules and consequences, bedtimes, family dinners, and high expectations better than the laissez-faire life he experienced at his friend's house.

Elizabeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:07am
Wish my kids saw it that way. When they spend the night with others who have no "rules" they come home and request we change ours. NOT HAPPENIN'! Maybe this will deter some of those "do I have too's"
Granted my stepsons came from a home without rules into a home with rules, big adjustment for them. That was 5 years ago, we still have problems. Dad even had to make adjustments, he also grew up in a home with few if any rules and I can't stand to be in a house where you never know what the other people are doing. Not that I don't want the kids doing their own thing, but dinner time is a family event not a grab and go. Our boys had a hard time with that, but there were reasons.
Glad to see your son has a sense of good old family values taught in the home! Congrats on that one. Many do not value family any longer. That, I believe, is much of the problem with behavior these days. (My opinion)
Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 12:27am
You should be proud of your son and I am sure you are! My dd now 17 always used to complain that I wouldn't let her sleep over at one particular girls house, to this day that girl thinks I hate her. I had good reason, there were a lot of things that A was allowed to do etc. that I didn't approve of. She was allow to come her and stay over, but with my rules. Now Kelsie understands why I didn't allow it and she doesn't even want to stay with A anymore. She doesn't spend a whole lot of time with her at all for that matter.
Sounds like you did a good job with your son,
Kristie
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Registered: 07-16-2007
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 10:06am
Thank you I am pproud of all my kids, through eeverything they have so far turned out well. I think that sometimes we as parents do not think our children are paying attention to our actions and do things that aren't exactly right. Some kids are brought up without learning self discipline due to the parents lack of providing them with the proper tools. I see many kids who are disrespectful and rude to others.
When we kids were growing up, there are 3 of us, if we disrespected an elder we were in trouble. We were taught to open doors for others, assist those in need, sit at the table for meals and all the other stuff that goes along with it. Our parents were the kind who had rules and those rules were enforced.
I wish more adults would see that our children need dicipline. And stop this crap about spanking. They even tell kids in school that if their parents hit them they can call DFS, and they give them the number. I can understand calling DFS on those who injur their children physically or abuse them in other ways, but a smack on the hindend never hurt anyone. Maybe we wouldn't have so many teen pregnancies, so much drug/alcohol abuse, sexual abuse... if someone had "enforce" a rule or two more in the abusers past. I know that many abusers were abused themselves and that it is just how they themselves have been raised. I do agree that any adult who abuses a child should be punished!
Being a pediatric home health nurse, I see first hand how abuse effects children. I can't stand to see a child, born without problems, end up without the ability to play, run, talk, etc. It hurts to see any injury or what is left behind after the doctors & DFS are through.
I hope that our kids take what they have learned from us with them as they grow and move on into adult life. Having grandkids is a dream I dream, I just hope that when I have them I am able to talk to them and play without feeling as if I failed them by not raising their parent properly.