I dont think we realize how much they get away with-obviously, if we knew, they wouldnt be getting away with it!
So, in their stunted little brains, all they remember are the times they pulled the wool over our eyes. How many times do you think she removed and returned that phone before you woke up and caught her? Likely several
So they keep trying to get their way. It's like it's their JOB
And our job is to thwart them-with patience, love and understanding. Never easy but it is what works. Calmly have that phone turned in-lock your door; lock it in the car trunk and sleep with the keys. Whatever! You cannot stay awake and monitor her 24/7-do what you have to do!
She will mature and be able to control herself but she isnt there yet so you have to do these little helping tasks. Less punishment is likely in order-its more about making it easier to follow your rules.
"You need your sleep on school nights. WE will take the computer and the phone at 9pm"
Thats it-no lectures, no yelling and no second chances. Id let her have it on weekends(assuming she doesnt have sports, etc)
And you can try again in 6 mos but I would NOT try before that-brain just doesnt mature that fast
I did this a full school year with my now 16 yr old and we are good to go now
I think the stress comes from letting them have second chances before they are ready
I agree with you on one thing - GROUNDING DOESN'T WORK.
We've talked about this a lot on this board - the increasing punishments just make the kid mad, and then what do they have to lose? It sets up this "us versus you" interaction in your home, and both of you are painted into a corner - neither can back down, have to save face.
You've taken everything away from her - how does that make her more willing to cooperate with you? It's just a big power struggle, and you'll always lose a power struggle with a kid.
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Well I think you'll have the nodding and understanding of every parent here, until they get to your last statement.
I'd take her phone away permanently for awhile if she's unable to follow the rules for it.
I personally would remove access to the cell phone
What to do?
I dont think we realize how much they get away with-obviously, if we knew, they wouldnt be getting away with it!
So, in their stunted little brains, all they remember are the times they pulled the wool over our eyes. How many times do you think she removed and returned that phone before you woke up and caught her? Likely several
So they keep trying to get their way. It's like it's their JOB
And our job is to thwart them-with patience, love and understanding. Never easy but it is what works. Calmly have that phone turned in-lock your door; lock it in the car trunk and sleep with the keys. Whatever! You cannot stay awake and monitor her 24/7-do what you have to do!
She will mature and be able to control herself but she isnt there yet so you have to do these little helping tasks. Less punishment is likely in order-its more about making it easier to follow your rules.
"You need your sleep on school nights. WE will take the computer and the phone at 9pm"
Thats it-no lectures, no yelling and no second chances. Id let her have it on weekends(assuming she doesnt have sports, etc)
And you can try again in 6 mos but I would NOT try before that-brain just doesnt mature that fast
I did this a full school year with my now 16 yr old and we are good to go now
I think the stress comes from letting them have second chances before they are ready
I would like to say the fact that she is talking to an African-American boy has nothing to do with the way she is acting.
I agree with you on one thing - GROUNDING DOESN'T WORK.
We've talked about this a lot on this board - the increasing punishments just make the kid mad, and then what do they have to lose? It sets up this "us versus you" interaction in your home, and both of you are painted into a corner - neither can back down, have to save face.
You've taken everything away from her - how does that make her more willing to cooperate with you? It's just a big power struggle, and you'll always lose a power struggle with a kid.
Sue, mom to Leah and Seth
On this very public forum, it may be wise to not be quite so predudicial.
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