growing up... and too fast??
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|Tue, 07-13-2010 - 8:45am|
my dd is 15... will be 16 in 3 weeks... she has had this bf 17 on/off for several months.
we had many issues with this boy a he seems to have depression/anger issues and "hates" his family (who are nice people) - he also dislike people and most of my dd friends, save for a few and of course dislikes my dd parents - us.. we also found out he is VERY manipulative.
In june.... my dd called his mom as he was threatening "to end his life" over a text between my dd and her 1 friend that he does like. my dd called his mom and they seemed to have a major fight... she was angry and upset and my dd got asked to leave their carpool as his mom was driving them and did not want to "upset" her son and support his decision not to be in the car with her and wanted to walk to school
my dd told me the truth was he did not want to be in the car with his mother. lots of issues.
my problem -
for the last couple of months she has been going over to his house,to help him when he is "down" or upset and i found out they are going up to his room - with the door closed. I told her i did not like that. she told me that sometimes he cries and did not want his mother to see him like that. I know his mom, and once suggested that the door should not be closed, and she assured me that she goes up and checks on them from time to time, and at that time -i really did not believe anything was going on - except for close friends and maybe a kiss or two....
Well, Saturday - my dd left an AIM message window open and my husband and I saw 2 discussions that we did not like - at all
1- was with her Bf...discussing on "how good it was last night" and how she "wanted to do more but did not feel so good" (she ended up with a fever later that night) and something about lying together in bed !!!!!! WELL... boy am i stupid... i did NOT see this coming.
2- conversation with Girlfriend (the one he likes) and about the two girls kissing and stuff for money... that he has alot of money and he offered them money and what they would do with the money and what they would spend it on.. AND how to get the clothes passed their parents eyes!!!! passing them off as b-day presents!!
My husband & I originally liked the boy - he is smart and seemed nice.. BUT the more we know, the more we hear.. WE do NOT like HIM... He does not say hello to US... AND he does not want to come over to our house because WE ARE THERE..
Previously we let him come over when we were not home to help dd study or with a project and usually they did just that... but recently he does not want to come over _ IF we are home!!!
He told my dd that his shrink (going to since suicide discussion) are overbearing parents and that are parenting skills need work!! He also tells our dd that he would love to argue with her father and can't trust himself from saying anything - that;s why he doesn';t want to come over.. truth is - he is a VERY QUIET boy that is he all talk.. But he tells her that she is 16 and should be able to do what she wants- when she wants.... she is caught between us, and doing the right thing.. and him...and doing what HE wants.
On sunday - he did not want to come over. My dd suggested that they go for a walk. He was all set to come over..and then tell our dd she has to come over, as he is too weak to walk, and that his mother will drive him (around the block??) but her parents need to help him out of the car and into the house??! We said IF he was that weak.. he should stay home...y dd feels like she is in a tug of war. I asked her if she was "in love" and she said no. used to be but too much drama now.
Last night.. my dd asked to see him, and again we said fine - here. He said that he would come over IF we did not sit in the room with them.... My dd sugested they go to the park across the street... then we were told - there were TOO MANY PEOPLE in the PARK!!... He does not look my husband in the eye - which really bothers my husband - and he does not acknoledge us or says HI - he grunts.... so they sat in the living room, while i helped my husband in the backyard. Several times i had to go into the house and caught glimpses of them ... at one point they did not even know i was there -they were making out so much.. another my dd had her legs draped over his lap and was half sitting on him... they moved when i came into the house..
oK OK...I know she is 16 - but our dislike of him is also clouding our perception - i am sure... I wish she was in a nice happy relationship but this guy is always grumpy, and NEVER does anything.. and she is now not doing anything because he doesn't. She stopped ice skating - because he doesn't . She stopped tennis.. because he doesn;t HE does nothing. he only wants to sit in his room or swim at a swim meet...
For over an hour last night - i could not decide if i should break them up or not.. my husband was also getting angry but did not want to fight with her..we discussed making rules and trying covertly to keep her busy and away from him as much as possible.
Parents.... it's been along time for us... and we have only 1 child... but are we too strict?? Is 16 the age for making out and doing nothing else...
i don;t feel that he cares for her either.... one of his AIM messages stated "how horny is was"...
Am i too concerned... do i need to lighten up .... or get stricter..
I could not sleep last night.. HELP!