Hard week with friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Hard week with friends
6
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 7:24am

My DD has had such a tough week - friend-wise. On Tues, she texted me that the day was "awful" and told me later that I (her best friend) was upset but wouldn't talk to her about it (and then was seen talking at length with A). We had a long talk (mostly her talking to me - and me trying not to scream with all the teen angst!). Wednesday things were a bit better. Then yesterday on the subway ride home, a male friend (K) was talking to another male friend (S) about who S liked and how Leah used to like S and he never liked her that way and was going to ask Leah out but didn't, and now he wants to ask out one of her close friends. All this in front of Leah and the friend she was travelling home with, and whoever else from their school who was on the subway. Leah was so embarrassed and angry, that even two hours later when I saw her, she was shaking.

Now some of this is, again, over-blown teen angst. S and K did not, I'm sure, know that Leah was that upset. First, they're boys and boys just don't pick up on the emotional stuff of girls that well. Second, they didn't stop at all - and wouldn't have done this just to be mean (I hope). But K is a little sneaky, I think. He's the silent type who everyone talks to, but doesn't share his life too much. So he knows everyone's secrets (and then blabbed them all yesterday). I told Leah last night that this seems to indicate that K is not as good a friend as she thinks he is.

I hope today is smoother. DD's close friends always support her, and two are coming over tonight for a sleepover (we are *such* masochists!!).

It's hard being a teenager!! Such an emotional roller-coaster

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:09am
I hope today and this weekend go better for your dd!
Pam
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:13am

Aw, I feel so bad for your dd - we've had the same scenarios over at my house! As a matter of fact, both of my dd's only have one or two close friends that they confide in. Just last month, my 18dd was sharing with me how she sometimes felt like she had NO friends that she can talk to and get support from. She said she sometimes feels like she's always lending an ear and supporting one of her GF's but never feels like she gets that back. It's disheartening to see her feeling so desolate. I mean, we're close, and she shares a lot with me but it'd be nice if she had at least one special friend that she could be with, confide in and hang with besides her BF. The only friend she has to rely on in that regard, and only on a part time basis because he lives out of our town, is a guy friend.

I know it seems so overblown to us, because we're adults and KNOW that none of this will really matter in the long run, but to them it's thier whole world. And let's face it, some of what happens at this age does matter in the long run...learning how to socialize, respect others, and learn the types of behaviors you will allow in your friends, right? In the meantime, it just seems so dramatic, doesn't it.

Hugs to dd. Some kids can be so mean.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:26am

Sue,

I'm sorry your DD is having a touch week! Hopefully, the sleepover (Now is that an oxymoron, or what?!) will help to cheer her up. Thank goodness for the close friends she has.

DD hates all that teen-age stuff. Just the other day she was telling me about a conversation she overheard after school. It was one of those, "she said, then I said, then I told, and HE said ... blah, blah, blah ..." she said it made her think "oh, grown up already!"

Sometimes I think I am growing a senior citizen and not a teenager.

I hope your DD has a good weekend!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:26am
Oh, I know JUST how you feel! It is so hard to see them struggle with all the "politics" of teen frienships! Just know that this, too, shall pass.
Hugs,
JT
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 2:19pm
I understand how tough it can be for girls. We had a very tough year last year with my youngest dd(now 16). She matured from the end of her freshman year and going into her sophomore year and her looks changed dramatically. She was suddenly considered very hot by boys at school...unfortunatley her friends didn't like that change and started to back stab her, not invite her to get togethers, then talk about how much fun they had in front of her and just other very mean stuff. She cried so much and there were so many weekends that she stayed home because she didn't have anyone to hang out with. I was so sad for her... all I could do was listen and be as supportive as possible. :-(
She is now not very trusting of people but that did pass and she has been able to connect with some new people... It is definitely hard to be a teenager though...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 4:29pm

It's hard being a teenager!!

Yes, Sue. I tell my kids quite often that this is probably the worst time of their lives - and it all gets better from here. At least, it was in my case and the majority of us. Something to hope for, anyway! Hugs to your dd.