Haven't been around in a while. Long!
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| Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:49am |
Hi all.
I haven't been around in quite a while. I used to be here daily, but you know how it goes, things are going well and you get busy with other things. Anyway, I decided to stop by, because I just needed to vent a little and what better place than here.
I have a son almost 15 and a daughter 17. They are good kids and although we have our usual difficulties we haven't had any real problems.
About a month ago dd and I went to visit a friend in another city. While we were there her grandson met dd and asked her out to the movies. That went well and he asked her to an amusement park for the next day. That went well too, they had a lot of fun together. I was glad she met someone that she really liked even though he is a ways away from our home. He is 19 and although those 2 years can mean a huge difference, I'm okay with her seeing him. She is to the age that she is much more mature than most of the boys her age and the last 6 - 9 months the boys who have been interested in her seemed kind of young to me and to her too. Now she has met a guy that she can relate to. She is really sick of the teen age,high school drama.
So anyway, last week I found out that there was a little discrepancy in what she and bf (I will call him that even though he isn't really her boy friend) lead us to believe. You see we thought the amusement park closed at midnight, so they let us believe it did. They left the park at 9:00 and went back to his apartment to watch a movie. No they didn't have sex, but they did make out. Which to her is just kissing. She told me this when I confronted her about the time discrepancy.
She and I have a really great relationship and this is the first time she has lied to me aobut anything like this. Generally she tells me everything. Once I talked to her about it she said she was afraid I would think she was a slut for making out with him when she only knew him for 3 days. I told her no, kissing is no real big deal and I would never think such a thing of her. We talked some more and she told me there was some light petting involved too. (big breath) Okay that isn't so bad, I can deal with it. I knew this would come sometime.
Then the other night we were talking and she told me that she wants to have sex with bf. I almost fell off the bed. We were laying on her bed talking and she came out with this. OMG! I just didn't know what to say. She just feels that it is right with bf even though she hasn't known him long and may never see him again afterward. We will be going there again in August. I will be staying with his g-ma again and he will, by that time be living back at her home so he can go to college. DD, DS and DH will be going to the amusement park for the time I am there, 3 days. Now bf might go to the park for one of the days. I'm okay with that, what can they do at the park when they are with Dad and brother?
I guess I just need to vent and talk about this situation and see what others feel about it. I do understand, then again I don't. I know that I can't just forbid her to have sex, because she will do what she wants to do anyway. She knows that I would rather that she wait at least until she is a little older and with a guy she really cares about, but she also knows that I have always told her she can come to me with anything. She said she won't go ahead and have sex and not tell me. I know that is probably a good thing.
Is it just me or do others think that at 17, as with any age it is going to be a pretty emotional thing to give up her virginity? Can some of you who have been through this give me some words of support or something. I guess that is what I am looking for. I know there really isn't a lot I can do about her having sex. I'm having a harder time with this than she is, that's for sure. And what about Dad? I told her that she better tell him there was more to the time she spent with bf than she first led us to believe. She was okay with that, but does he need to know about this? I think he will be po'd if I don't say something, but I can't just break the confidance and tell him. I think when it does happen she wants him to know, but I don't know if that is such a great idea. She is his little girl, no matter how old she is when she finally does have sex. She is afraid that if Dad knows he will automatically dislike bf.
The other thing is, how much do I tell my friend about what is going on between dd and bf? Yes she is his g-ma, but it seems that she is more like his mom and they are very close. What do I say to her? Do I tell her that the park wasn't opened until 12mn and that they went to his apartment? or do I just let it ride? Do I feel her out and see how much he has told her and go from there? She told them both before they went out the first time that they better not do anything that will hurt our friendship. This doesn't hurt it in my book, it has to do with the "kids" and nothing is her "fault" or mine. Do I reassure her of that? I just kind of feel that we do need to talk some, after all what kind of friendship is it if we are keeping each other in the dark?
I'm soooooo confused! Anyone have anything to say that will help?
TIA,
Kristie


I just typed you a reply and the internet went down so let's try this again!
Thanks for the welcome back. She isn't on any b/c yet, but probably will be after we go to the dr. next week. We have talked extensively about this whole subject and she knows to use condoms etc. I'm thinking nothing is going to happen with bf when we go on our trip, she may end up not seeing him at all due to his work schedule. There is a lot involved. I would like them to be able to see each other, but I told her I'm not going to make it easy for them to have too much alone time. She did say, even if she sees him it may not be this time, but there is something in her head about him being the one to be her first time. I can't seem to get to what it is that makes her want him to be the first one. It would make a lot more sense if it was her friend "E" He likes her a lot and wants to date her and she does like him, but doesn't want to get involved in some baggage that he is carrying around about an old gf. But at least I would understand a little better. Who knows what goes on in the mind of a teenager.
I have talked to a couple good friends about the whole situation and I am feeling a little less overwhelmed with it all. I didn't think we would get to marriage with her not having sex, but I was at least hoping that we would get her out of high school. Maybe we will yet, who knows. I guess it all just came about so fast and that is what has really thrown me. And the fact that this is not someone who she has been dating.
Oh well, time will tell.
Kristie