Having friends over to the house
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 07-15-2007 - 10:38pm |
Hi, I am wondering....how many of you have kids who enjoy having their friends over to your house to hang out? How many of you find that your kids would rather go to their friends' houses to hang out? My DS rarely had friends over. Oh, he did sometimes, but he usually went out with friends. They didn't really hang out at each other's houses, and then when he had a girlfriend, he'd hang out at her house. My DD has brought her boyfriend over for the past year, and they used to hang out here a lot, but now he does not come over much anymore, and DD would rather go to her girlfriends' houses or go out. I know that some houses lend themselves to the kids hanging out better, but I don't think our house is an unfriendly hangout. It's kind of weird to me. I sometimes wonder if DH and I appear to be unwelcoming or what.
Discouraged, Nancy

Pages
My DSs 17&24 always preferred to go to friends' homes, rather than hang out here. There's some truth to the reason they give me, that there's more to do at other kids' homes (e.g. hot tub, bonfires, swimming pools), but often they just sit and watch movies or play video games. It's then that I gotta start thinking they don't want to be here cuz they know I'll check up on them.
I've caught DS17 viewing porn on the inet when he was 15; drinking, also at age 15, a minimal amt of alcohol when one of his friends grabbed a Smirnoff Twisted from our landing, and 4 guys shared 1/2 a bottle before I caught them; he was suspended last fall for admitting to drinking alcohol before a football game; and in June, a short time after graduation, he went to a friend's home for a Monday "barbeque" in the early afternoon (the antennae went up right away), came home and crashed at 5:00 pm. With my blood pressure about 300/150, I went out and got a drug screen kit from Walmart and guess what? Postive for THC, as I suspected. I'm sure he told his friends that his mom pays attention, and it's for that reason that they are never at our house. But knowing he'll be independent in one month when he's off to college, I cannot chain him down here at home. I just keep talking, and talking and talking about risk, dangers, consequences, etc. (We've recently learned that DS24 did all the same stuff at this age, but he was more discreet about it--we didn't have a clue!)
One funny thing...DS17's friends are showing up at our home a lot this summer, around dinnertime. Word got out that I've been grilling some pretty good stuff. But the late night parties will never happen here. And overnights (except for special occasions) were banned for DS17 since I found out that that's where the drinking usually starts, and continues to happen.
-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
I have 2 kids - dd15 and ds11. Dd is my social one and she has made our house the "hangout" house. I don't get why. Our house isn't the best and there is really nothing to do here. We do seem to be the only ones with an inground pool, but everyone else has an above ground pool and living here in the northeast there really isn't much use for any of the pools, atleast this summer. On one hand, I love my house being the "hangout" because I do know what they are up to and I do get to know the kids. It does have it's downsides too though - 1. The food and drinks of course; 2. It's usually last minute stuff so the house is kinda messy; 3. I don't like to hover so I am "banished" to my room in the basement; 4. It usually ends up being allllllll day; 5. I have 2 german shephards, one of which can be quite "unwelcoming" that I have to block off the whole day...; 6. Actually, I think the house is always messy because of this...
There may be times I complain about it, but for the most part, I love having the kids here. My dh is active military and lives in another state, so I get pretty lonely and they keep me busy. My bedroom is the entire basement and after the last time I had a whole crew here, dd and I discussed switching bedrooms and making downstairs a combo her room/game room deal. That should work out well for all involved. Actually, it will end up being more game room that she happens to sleep in lol...
I am currently annoyed with how today went though. DD woke up at 10am, her bf was over here by 11am, they swam until 12:30 and then just hung out here until he left at 11pm. The last few hours he watched the ESPY'S while she just played on her myspace - what's the point? She works 20-25 hours a week, has gymnastics/cheering 3-4 times a week (m,tu,w and sometimes thu) plus she has driver's ed 3 mornings a week (m,w,f). Her room is a disaster area and her laundry is piling up.... ughhhh.
It definitely get's to be too much sometimes, but I'd probably be lost without them...
Ramona Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!
I wish my kids had their friends over to our house but I think a lot of it is due to my DH's unwelcoming attitude. When my DD (now 18) was little, she had friends sleeping over almost every weekend. I never minded, esp. after I got divorced. If I was home w 2 kids, what was one more? Then DH & DSD moved in 5 yrs. ago. I think some of it was that DD was "embarrassed" by having DSD there (not one of the cool kids, and if her friends were over, would DSD be hovering about?) but DH can be very moody because he has bipolar disorder. One time she had asked if her friends could come over to watch TV when we were going out to eat. He said ok, but basically freaked out because he thought 2 friends were coming over and when we got home, there were 3 cars at our house. It turned out that a friend from work had called, so she said the other people were there, so why don't you come over too? When we got home, they were just sitting quietly watching TV. You would have to know someone who had a mental illness to really understand this, but it's not so much that he cared the other boy was there, it was the surprise that he couldn't take. Then at that time, he was in pain because he had fallen and broken some ribs and he was complaining about having to get up to go to work and would they be making noise, so I ended up telling them they had to go home. So after a couple of incidents like that, she just doesn't invite people over any more. I agree that I would much rather have her here.
I notice that DSD, who is 17, also never has friends over and always goes to their houses. Part of the reason I'm sure is that her dad thinks nothing of embarrassing her in front of friends and even yelling at her, but this one friend that she has been hanging out w/ a lot lately, she describes the parents as "they let her do whatever she wants." She was over there on 4th of July and the father got arrested because he was setting off fireworks in the yard and didn't stop when the police told him to the first time, plus he was drunk. DSD describes him as a "loser." Now is this the kind of family you want your kids hanging around? I would say no.
Pam, I do think that is part of the problem with our house. Our house isn't set up in such a way that DD and friends could hang out w/o having to worry that they were being too loud, or would say or do something that we'd hear or see and they'd be embarrassed. In other words, sitting in our family room, they wouldn't feel that they could be themselves. Our old house (when the kids were small) was a split foyer and had a finished lower level which was the family room. If we lived there now, kids could be down there, have lots of privacy to hang out, but I could still check on them too. Ah well....can't change the house we live in.
Some of the other posts have mentioned that their DH's aren't as welcoming. My DH is fairly nice to DD's friends...in fact he likes most of them a lot. BUT, that said, on a week night, he's like an old man! He toddles up to bed before ten, and then goes on to sleep. DD being 18, would like to have friends over but they aren't going to be leaving by 10. Sometimes they don't get their plans together until almost 10!! LOL... So it's not really comfortable for her to have them over here.
Nancy
Having 4 teenagers has definately brought a lot of kids through my house. Our house is pretty good for having people over because it is big and there is a lot to do. We have a pool and ping pong table, a pool, and its very private. Personally, I like having the friends come to my house because I know what they are doing. I know that they aren't drinking or smoking or speeding, basically I know that they aren't getting into trouble. I know that at least Shea and Reagan have drunk before so I prefer to have them at home so I know that they aren't doing that. They aren't home all the time though, especially the triplets because they can drive. They do love going to the beach, hanging out at someone elses house, or things like that. Sometimes I need a break, but for the most part I am happy.
Stephanie
I think with my DD, it's more that the house itself doesn't lend itself to having kids over where they can have a teeny bit of privacy, and DD says we don't have anything to do here. We don't have a pool table, or ping pong, etc. nor do we have a pool outside, etc. So...I guess some of it is our fault in that we didn't think to buy any of these things. Oh, not that I'd go out and install a pool in the yard JUST so DD's friends would have something to do!!! :) But we probably could have worked harder at finding a niche for the kids to hang out, and provide some fun things to do while here. Live and learn.
Nancy
Pages