Having the 'Talk' with Boys - Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Having the 'Talk' with Boys - Help!
14
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:03pm

Who did/does it in your home? I have been after DH to have the 'talk' with DS (12.5) for about the past year, but DH insists DS is 'not ready'. After my particular insistence about two weeks ago, DH said he 'broached' the issue with him, but DS wasn't particulary receptive. Well, duh. What a cop out.

I happen to think the DS is plenty ready; I've seen enough indicators lately to know that and in fact, feel that we are a little in arrears here. Among other things, I found the little pamphlet the doctor gave him at his last check-up on 'How Boys Grow' crumpled up next to his bed yesterday so that sort of proves to me he's curious/has questions/needs guidance, etc. From his physical appearance, I KNOW he's in the throes.

Looks like it's gonna be me doing the talking.

Any other moms find themselves in this position? What on earth do I say? It is hard to be a woman and discuss man stuff with a little boy, since I've not experienced it myself.

I'm not sure who is going to be most mortified -- me or him.

Any advice and/or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and I do apologize for the rather personal nature of this topic.

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 8:31am

We had the sex talk as a family about two years ago and reviewed it again as a family last spring. The actual "talk", concerning erections, masterbation, wet dreams, privacy, body changes, immorality of pornography etc.. took place privately between dh and ds in September. Ds turned 13 in October and yes he's already dealt with a few of these issues.

Personally I think dh waited too long to talk to ds about all this stuff, as he had the talk due to our son already dealing with some of these issues and needing information.

My advice is not to wait to talk to your son.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:47am

My DS started asking me questions when he was 10 so I think 12.5 is pretty late to start, but better late than never. I answered his questions, even though I was embarrassed, but I did call his dad (we are divorced) and mentioned to him that he should start talking about this subject. He was very happy to do it.

My son had health this year (only for the 1st quarter of school) and he was actually very disappointed that it was not about sex. They talked about nutrition, being healthy, etc. Of course, he has 2 teenage sisters and I know he is watching all kinds of inappropriate TV shows w/ them and this brings up a lot of wierd topics so it's better for him to get the info from his parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 9:34pm
LOL - I'm kind of there with you. My 15 year old, who originally came to us through foster care, has some really WEIRD ideas- and absolutely no inhibitions about asking questions. In fact, I once posted one of his questions on one of the ivillage boards, and was accused of being a troll because "no kid would ask his mom THAT!!" LOL (I believe the question at issue was "I'm afraid my thing is broken - sometimes it leaks at night". That conversation was followed up at some point with "What happens if I use it all up in my teens and want to have kids later?") It really wigs out my DH, so I get to be the one to answer - and I've lost my own squeamishness. It's easy to answer a genuine question straight out, even if it IS a boy asking it! However, I have a feeling your son may be more like my 13 your old daughter, who seems to have taken a "don't ask, don't tell" approach to sex ed. She gets really flustered and goes "GOD mom!! I don't want to talk about THAT stuff!!". I'm not sure how to approach it with a kid who just doesn't want to talk...so I think the level of communication is way more of a barrier than the gender of the child. I have no answers on how to get a dialogue started with a kid who is utterly mortified!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 12:53am
Oh dear..
I took another look at this thread and my post sounds certifiably maniacal.
Yes... This incident did and still does.. totally freak me out.
No... I don't mean to imply that your son will turn into a promiscuous fiend unless you dump a 55 gallon drum of sex education on him..
My point, buried somewhere in there, is that due to media, TV, music, movies and a former president, there is a lot more "stuff" that goes on in middle school that we as parents seem to realize, and the earlier these discussions take place, the better.
I'm sure you'll do fine.
OK.. I'm done now. No more "imploring." :-)

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