He did it Again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
He did it Again!
31
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:20am

Some of you have heard the continuing saga of my ds17 and his grades.

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Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 7:23am
What a frustrating situation...I really hestiate to say this (because I don't want to contribute to the excuse pile) but after I read your post I could not help but think that this may have EVERYTHING to do with your DS's LD/ADD issues. Learning disabilities can be very complicated and he may or may not have difficulty with short term memory but it certainly sounds like he has concerns with comprehending written text. What I am getting at is, when you say to go back and find the answers to him that text is like a jungle and he has lost the path and doesn't know where to go back to. Is there a chance he qualifies for a modification where he can have taped text? His lying to you may be to cover his own "overwhemed" feelings. I have 3 teens as well and believe me - I feel your pain on this one! BTW, I am by no means an expert...just a teacher of 20 plus years w/ a masters in LD so take it for what it is...
Good luck!
Sharon
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 7:47am

I had the same thoughts Sharon, but I'm less of an expert than you - I have an LD/ADHD DS who barely graduated high school by the skin of his teeth. He really didn't care at all about high school, and it showed - he didn't do any extracurriculars, didn't do much of the "curriculars" either. His graduation day was the best day of my life, just coz it meant the battles were over.

No advice for our OP... just lots of sympathy.
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:53am

Not sure of your work situation but is there any way you could homeschool him? It sounds like the school isn't the best setting for him. Reality is that high schools do very little checking because they feel that the time for hand holding is overwith. If your ds needs more verbal direction and guidance, oral tests, more in depth discussions of the material etc.. then perhaps homeschooling him would be helpful.

One suggestion I do have is to make sure that either you or your dh is with him when he's doing his work. Sit at the kitchen table together. You can work online, read a book etc.. just be there to keep him on track and moving in the right direction.

JMO
stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 9:44am
Aww Marie - I know how frustrating it can be.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:05am

Are these classes all requirements for graduation(as opposed to requirements for college admittance)

If you have not already, I would take it down to the bare minimums. Most high schoolers have far more hours than they need. DS1's GF graduated a year early by simply taking a year of English one summer-since everything else was '3 years of....' that did it for her. She also did not like high school although I know she has had some regrets about the social stuff after the fact

Online classes are hard for most people; when DS1 went back to college he claimed he loved them but it was short lived. He prefers the regular type now. DS2's worst grade his freshman year of class was in an online computer class basically designed to put all the students on an even playing field if they hadnt had exposure. It SHOULD have been an easy A-obviously, he didnt make the deadlines

I would try not to kill him(although tempting)and realize this isnt a good idea for him. Certainly get your moneys worth now if you can but see it as a learning experience and dont go there again

Is there an alternative school option? I know one mom said that was a blessing for her son-I know I had a 'perception' of what those kids would be like and this young man wasnt even close. He was bright but just didnt like the 30 math problems every night approach. And the alternative school did none of that busy work; he thrived and graduated.

Take your expectations down-again, I know-forget community college and focus on teh piece of paper from high school

Ive seen enormous changes in DS1 who is 22 now. Why some boys are like this? I dunno but I swear it runs in my extended family. He may pursue college at 20, 22 or 25. Right now, he should be doing the absolute minimum and, if that means half day next year, so be it

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:14pm


Well I'd say that qualifies you as somewhat of an expert, indeed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:19pm

Thank you all for your replies and sympathy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:33pm
I too can sympathize with you. My DS (who does not have ADD or any form there of) was doing this a few years ago. I too screamed and ranted and raved. I called teachers, went to parent teacher confrences and anything else I could think of. What DID work was when I finially calmed down (trust me I can relate to the rants and raves!!!), and talked to him. I found out that the work was not being explaned in a way he could understand. I don't know if you have explained how important it is for him to graduate. Tell him he only has one more year of required schooling, let him know that he has come this far and to just throw it away now wouldn't make any sense. Maybe a peer (who would be qualified) could tutor him. (sometimes kids tune out parents and teachers, but they will listen to peers in a situation like this) The tutor might be able to explain things in a way that you or your DH can not. I wish you well. Try not to get too frazzled!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 3:42pm


LOL, I can tell you are new here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 4:03pm

I'm new on this board, but would like to offer my support. I have a DS who is 21 and during high school and community college, he seemed to not "get it". Finally, after 5 years in CC, he's closing in on his transfer certificate. We joke that he's in the six year, two year transfer program. It takes some kids longer than others to mature and want to apply themselves. He's watched a good deal of his friends graduate from 4 year universities and they now have promising jobs, first apartments, etc. With any luck, my DS will finally enter his last two years of college at a university in the fall of 2008.

I know my situation is not the same as yours and doesn't lessen your frustration any. I'm sending positive thoughts your way. Please keep us updated.

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