He did it Again!
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He did it Again!
| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:20am |
Some of you have heard the continuing saga of my ds17 and his grades.
| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:20am |
Some of you have heard the continuing saga of my ds17 and his grades.
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LOL-we have the same kid!
Yep, his high school friends are graduating from college this month and one is getting married this weekend as well. I wont say it's been a wake up call because his wake up call was watching his younger brother start college this year("NO way is he graduating before me")
I think they know they know they are smart enough to do it and they think, in a naive way, that perfect strangers can somehow see that. He most likely knows he can handle the community college-all he has to do is try and he believes he will try because it will be better than high school and he will want to try. What he doesnt see is that complete strangers are going to judge him based on past performance-period, end of discussion
That's my interpretation of what goes on in their dense little brains. No answers as to how to straighten them out but, being a few years and 'many' talks past you, I think that may be
what he is thinking
The light bulb moment seems to be accepting that they have to do what other people believe is correct whether they agree or not(references to 'getting the piece of paper' can be a good sign, for example, as they are acknowledging, however begrudgingly, that they have to play the game)
awww, Marie....no words of wisdom here, or even suggestions on how to cope (other than a very *large* glass of wine before you retire for the evening!) but just wanted to send you many {{{{{hugs}}}}}. I know how hard you have tried over the years and all you have done for him and it is just soooooo hard.
Hang in there, honey.
YOu must be really frustrated. I agree with the LD expert that it may not be all laziness, and I've experienced with my own DS17, the "Then, why won't he ask for help?" problem. I think they feel just so overwhelmed by the work that they figure asking for help will only result in an additional 3 hours of misery, rather than the 1 hr they might otherwise put in. My DS17 hasn't been diagnosed with an LD, but there may be some ADD in him. When he finally got the rejection letter from U of M he said, "I don't know why I'm even studying any more". And he doesn't bother turning in his powertraining worksheets because "no college cares about that". I had to explain that, all through life, we have certain things we must do because someone says we have to--like pay bills, and taxes and document things in our jobs--and every requirement in school is preparation for real life.
I liked what one OP suggested about getting one of his peers to help him study. When my son was depressed last fall and couldn't focus on schoolwork, one of his friends, a totally awesome guy, spent about 2hrs with him each week. It really helped his morale, as well as his grades. (Just found out that this friend, too, will attend MSU in fall. He's a music/jazz major and my DS will be pre-pharmacy, so they may not see a whole lot of each other. But it is such a relief for me to know that at least one of his good friends (besides his gf) will be attending the same school.)
Be proud that you're doing all you can. Eventually your DS will follow your example, but it may take a while for him to see the light.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
MSU? As in Michigan State? Where in Michigan are you? We're in Lansing, but my son has no interest in MSU--too big for him. (We're looking at smaller, but more expensive (!) schools like Aquinas, Alma, and Kalamazoo.)
Elizabeth
>>>Everybody is moving heaven and earth to try and help him and he does as little as humanly possible.>>>
Yes, everyone except him. I would say that it's about time he suffer the consequences of his (in)actions.
And definitely get yourself to counseling to learn how to stop enabling him. He's old enough to know better and chooses to do nothing about it. When will your involvement end?
Just because he's LD doesn't mean he's stupid. He knows full well and understands what it takes to survive as an adult - you and his advisors have been telling him for years and years.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, it's not meant to be. Remember, I have a 17dd very much like your son (we've psoted to each other lots of times about it) and we recently met at her school for a final PPT/IEP wherein the cards were laid out on the table: Either she works her tail off and passes everything or she's not graduating come June. I attended the meeting via conference call and I have to say I was so glad not to be present. My eyes would have been rolling out of my head and my dd had to take the heat all by her lonesome. It was a humbling experience. Later she sarcastically thanked me for coming to the meeting. I had been her enabler, her buffer, and at the beginning of this year I told her teachers flat out that I am not going to be her babysitter - and to my astonishment, they agreed that dd needed to do this on her own and if she failed, she could try again. Since that meeting she's been doing her work because she realized that she wasn't going to be able to slip by. If she didn't earn the grades to graduate, she wasn't graduating. She still may not make grades enough to graduate in June, but she can take summer courses and graduate in August without the fanfare and that's fine by me. An even better lesson for dd to see that this life isn't Easy Street.
I just think that at some point, you have to let them fail miserably and face the music. Your ds may have to retake his Junior year and is that such a bad thing? Will the world end? No. But it may wind up being the best thing that happens. It may end up being the very thing that snaps him to attention or whatever. Hugs, I know it's hard to see them not working to their potential and I know its even harder to let go.
No, hearts, I do not take offense!
Hey Marie,
I don't have any answers for you, but I do hope you are feeling better about everything today. For what it's worth, I go through the same thing with my dd, and as you already know, the only reason she is now doing better in school is because I changed schools. Yet even in home situations, I get responses from her that are similar to your ds's - for example: Me: Did you get your room cleaned up like I asked? DD: Yes. Me: You still haven't cleaned your room. DD: OHHH, I didn't know that you meant I should clean up EVERYTHING - I thought you just wanted me to pick things up off the floor. Geez! What does it take, LOL!!
And yes, I agree with the experienced teacher who said that "this may have EVERYTHING to do with your DS's LD/ADD issues". I think that because both of our kids have a different way of processing information, they are the way they are - and not because they are necessarily "lazy".
My 2¢? Try not to take your son's actions too personally. You are doing everything right and I know you want the best for your son. At some point, he is going to have to accept responsibility for his own life choices.
Sending <<>> your way!
Amelia
As a mom of an ADHD kid, I know it's hard. I'm sure you've answered this in other posts, but is there a reason he's un-medicated? The right meds can make ALL the difference in the world. Otherwise, he may never have the "ability" to succeed. Anyhow, lots of hugs and thoughts with you.
Lisa
Yes, we first tried Concentra; then Strattera and finally Ritalin.
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