he is making me insane ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
he is making me insane ...
10
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 6:34am
i know i always say I am going insane with my teen but I swear he is always pushing my buttons . it is like 12 midnight here now and I am up cause this is my only "me" time and my son is up in his room with his video game loud enough for me to hear it . i told him 5 times turn it down and he says things like why ? or I dont see how you could hear it ,, and he just wont turn it down . i dont want to yell at him and wake my husband who i am having problems with and it is just making me crazy . i dont hear it now probobly because he is doing something else.
i just have to vent. i am really frustrated with my teen . my skin crawls when he comes out of his room . yup , my stress is that high when it comes to him . i just hope he will mature and be a decent person but i dont think so and it is making me ill . I hope that I am wrong and that he will grow up to be a good person that is at least somewhat considerate. i am just so tired of him right now ! this is not the last you will hear about my teen . he always got something in his hat for me , always some problem or something that is directly caused by his actions.
i saw a show about outstanding kids and it just made my son ( to me) look like the most arrogant lazy person i have ever met. i am so envious of these parents that have these teens that just do the right thing like that was what they were born to do or something . my son just seems lost and annoying. sorry , just had to vent .
Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 9:49am
My heart goes out to you...as the mom of three teens who run the spectrum from "one of those amazing kids" you see profiled on TV to my 15 DD who currently has no interests other than her hair and BF. I can't tell you the number of conversations I have had with all 3 (especially #3) about "being out substance." How important it is having passions and activities of worth and value in your life. It makes me nuts to think that she isn't getting it. But my mom has helped me see that she is taking it in...not just acting on it in the manner or timetable I would like.
Is there anyone that can be a sounding board for you, that sees and knows your son? I also think the one sentence you put in there about having problems with DH can be a HUGE contributuing factor to your stress. Are they resolveable problems? I know the teen years have been (and continue to be) tough for DH and I.
I would say to pick your top battle with your DS and really tackle it. You will undoubtedly have to take a different approach than you have taken in the past. That will require you to think outside your comfort zone. You may find it gets worse before anything changes but possibly if you can effect one change your view of him could change.
Good luck and rememeber...sometimes a good walk can really clear your head!
Sharon
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 10:43am
I hear that need to vent. Sometimes that all that you can do is vent. Maturity levels definitly seem to be lower today that years ago, so many things I can point out to back that up. Of course there are plently of kids out there who are mature, but overall they seem to act more like kids than people becoming adults. Every kid is definitely different, my DD11 is WAY more mature than my DD14. My 14yo acts like a 12yo and my 11 acts like a 13yo I'd say.
My point is that you shouldn't compare him to what you see on TV. If those kids were the norm, they wouldn't be on TV. People are constantly telling me how lucky I am to have well behaved kids like I do. Overall they are pretty good, but I also don't go around telling everyone I know that my DD17 got caught drinking 2 weekends in a row, or when she was 12 before we moved how she was wrapped up with a bunch of 13-14-15yo's and got caught shoplifting makeup "for one of the older girls" to get into the group. I don't tell everyone I know how DS15 goes out with a girl for a weekend and then dumps her for no apparent reason. You get the idea.
As I said, you're not alone and hopefully he'll start to realize that it's time to starting becoming a man, not act like a boy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:28pm

My DS is conceited (he is cute!), thinks he's entitled, I think he is sneaky, girl crazy, self-asorbed etc. He goes out all the time and resents when we question what he doing. Sometimes he talks to me about his life, other times its none of my business. He is seeing 2 girls today, and will end up with none because they will find out that he sees other girls.

I think he is basically good....haven't caught him drinking or drugs, but he is out a lot, likes the women, and I worry about his sexual activity. His grades are B's, but his SAT's were not good. He thinks he's a man, but I still treat him like a boy (he is 17). The difference in how I want to control his activities and what he thinks he should do is part of what we conflict about.

I worry constantly unless he is at work or at home. I also wish I had those kids on TV, or the ones my friends and neighbors seem to have. I secretly hope their kids aren't perfect because it would make me feel better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 6:23pm
unfortunately I dont have any family other then my husband and kids . my husband spends alot of time with my teen but it is just my teens attitude that makes me crazy . my husband always tells me to just leave him alone . I dont know if that is the right thing to do .
I try to get out to clear my head. it helps. i think my teen does hear what i say but maybe I am annoyed because he doesnt improve as quickly as I may want him too . thank you for reading my post , it really helps to know someone is listening and understands.
Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:13am
Oh we are understanding alright. I think most of us here know exactly what you are dealing with. I think to some extent we are all going through something like this. It is just the way of teens.
DH has a really hard time sometimes, because the kids don't have the focus he thinks they should. I try to tell him, that they are not him. When he was a teen, he was over responsible, worked very hard to get good grades and never get into any kind of trouble. They are not him, they don't know what they want to do with their lives, dd is a sr this year and has no idea what she wants to do. Her grades this past year stunk and she didn't seem to care all that much. She does have some goals in life, but not something that makes her work hard to do well. DS is a soph. this year and has no real motivation either. I don't know where this comes from in either of them, we have always encouraged good work ethics and have been involved with them in school and other activities. But they are teens and that is often how teens are.
I guess I am a bit like dadto6 (I think that was the name, I'm still getting used to names) who said everybody says how wonderful the kids are, but they don't hear the things they do wrong. My kids are both wonderful kids, everyone loves them, the teachers (even when they aren't performing well in school) other parents, neighbors etc etc etc. If they ever heard the way DD talks to us or how stinkin'nasty she can get with us, they just wouldn't believe it is the same person.
And you know what? I'm not so sure I would want one of those kids on TV. I used to baby sit a brother and sister after school when they were in elementary school. The girl is a doll, but I swear she will probably have a heart attack by the time she is 30. She just graduated from HS and she is one of the most anal people I have ever met. She was involved in just about every activity that came along and is an incredible over achiever. If she was my daughter I would be worried about how long she could keep up that pace. I don't know how her parents keep up with all that she does. I guess my point is that even though some of those kids look like they are perfect, they aren't, I believe that sooner or later something's got to give.
I guess we will all live through these teen years, there is always someone who has it better and always someone who has it worse. I guess that is what we need to keep in mind.
Kristie
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:18am

I can totally understand where you are coming from as well. My dd 17 has been making me insane at times this summer as well. I think all teenagers are somewhat self-centered...what adults think or want is just not on their radar!! I have found it helpful to focus on myself a bit more and stay out of the drama! I think eventually they will mature and be a bit more considerate. Just know that you are not alone...and hopefully this will pass. I agree with one of the other moms...go for a walk...it will do wonders to clear your head, at least for a while. Hopefully things will get better soon...summer can be a difficult time. Our kids might have too much free time on their hands.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:28am

I don't think anyone really wants "perfect kids."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:34am

Wow, I could have written that myself! My son annoys me so badly sometimes that I just can't wait for him to move out! He's only 14, so I have a way to go. He used to be such a sweet kid. Very cooperative and considerate of others. That's out the window now.

If talking to him when he's not in one of his moods doesn't work, it's time to make his life as miserable as he makes yours. Take away all that he enjoys. Not sure how old he is, but this works with mine when I just can't take it any more.

(((HUGS)))
I hope you find some relief.

Jeanette

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 11:31am
Hey, I am new to this but I just had to write to you. My youngest son (16 years old) is giving me fits! He has really been going through something for they last year or so...You name it, it seems to be an issue. He's very arrogant, doesn't like anything or anyone really. He is very negative and doesn't care about much of anything except his guitar. I can't seem to motivate him at all. He should be entering the 11th grade, but he failed 5 classes last year and was retained in the 10th grade. (He had a's & b's until 9th grade) What's the problem with his grades? He says he is just lazy. He is (was) very bright, but it seems like he has decided not to try at all. I don't get it.
Last night he stayed at a friends house, he was supposed to call me to let me know when they got home (after a movie) or so I was told. He wouldn't answer his phone from 3:30 pm to 11:30 pm, and didn't bother to call or return the message his father and I left.. When I did finally talk to him (after I woke the friends Mom by calling her) he behaved as if I was sticking my nose in where it didn't belong. He was very rude. I found out that they didn't go to a movie after all, but he wouldn't say what they did do, and made some sarcastic comment about robbing banks and doing drugs.
No matter what I say or do, he'll do the opposite. I've had him tested twice for drugs. both times it was negative. He was offended that I tested him, but I am just as offended that he is acting so strange that I felt the need to have him tested. He's just not the same boy he used to be and I miss him. To be honest, I envy that your son was in his room, and the volume is the issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 5:38am
Hi Luvmy~ when I was reading your reply alot of what you said sounds like my son exept for the guitar part. for my son that would be the starcraft game he is obsessed with . my son doesnt go out to often but when he did he acted the same way you are saying your son did. like i dont need to know what he is doing and also the grades...my son almost didnt pass last year (junior) and when i get angry and ask me why my son tells me he is just lazy he guesses .. your son and my son sounds alot alike. I understand what you are saying , i should appreciate that he isnt worse , but boy does he rattle my nerves almost on a daily basis. he isnt very social either . doesnt seem to like others very much . we have some in common. lately i have been really trying to focus on his good points , it helps a little. but there is always something that he does to make me crazy .my son is very arrogant. once he admitted to me that he didnt do his homework cause he did not feel like it , and when i got angry he said to me at least I didnt lie to you ... you see , just crazyness. lets just hope it is a phase that our sons are going through.