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| Tue, 10-10-2006 - 1:37pm |
Hi Everyone, My name is Michele,I am a SAHM to 3 girls 7, 9, and 13. Im new to this board. Honestly I never knew there were teen discussion boards here. I dont really have a support system here where I live. We are new to the area and dont know anyone. My daughter has not got off to a good start. She will turn 14 next month. We moved here back in April so she had about 1 month of school before summer break. The town we moved into is really really small, about 900 ppl. Before I get into all the goings on I will let yall know now that my daughter is diagnosed as Bi Polar and ADHD, tho the bi polar is still in question. We are not medicating her for anything at this time. She has been on meds since she was 7 and nothing helps, so i put my foot down. We are at a total loss as to what to do with her at this point. We can not trust her to do anything, she lies and steals all the time. She has tantrums and is very rude and disrespectful and always has to have the last word. ANyways last year she only had a month of school and threatened to kill some girl by stabbing her, wrote a note to her drew pictures of it and put it in her locker. She got 3 days suspension for that. I will add the girl is a popular bully and does no wrong in the schools eyes. They have known her all her life and cant imagine she was being mean to my daughter. Every year my daughter manages to threaten someones life and gets suspended. Anytime she gets teased or harrassed she responds this way. Although she knows its not right. The first year she did this was when she was 8. This year my daughter stole her teachers 500 dollar Treo phone, so she is now suspended again for a week plus like 3 months of full time special ed. That is hard for an 8th grader. She feels like a total outcast, she has no self esteem and it doesnt help that my husband and I cant trust her at all. It is like world war 3 here every night. W have tried grounding, spanking, time outs, taking things. Right now all she has is a matress and dresser in her room. every week we give her back something if she earns it back with good behaviour. She constantly torments her sisters, and me. I am totally at a loss. I dont know what else to do. I am so tired. My other two kids dont have any problems, they are very well behaved, not hyper, not disrespectful, They dont steal. My 7 yr old has started lying but I think we are so hyper sensitive to it that it is probably just normal kid stuff. I need some better ideas. Different perspectives. I feel like soon she is going to if not already sneaking around having sex, doing drugs etc. Tho I really dont think she is.I mean if we cant handle whats going on with her now how on earth are we gonna survive the next 4 or 5 years, which I hear are the hardest yet LOL. She seems so immature to me. She just started actually brushing her teeth daily LOL. Now we are working on clean underwear, seriously. So she wont even really talk to me. Anyone else going thru something like this? Thanks. Michele

Welcome to the board Michele!
I'm not sure I have any advice for you (sorry!) because neither of my kids have threatened to kill anyone (so far, that is). There is a board for troubled teens, but I haven't really checked it out lately. I hope you get some advice, because some of your dd's behavior sounds "normal" and some of it sounds extreme.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pstroubled
Good luck!
Amelia
Hi Michele! I have a soon to be 17dd who was diagnosed with bipolar last year. Up until that point, her primary diagnosis was tourette syndrome and adhd - due to her impulsivity and difficulties in school, temper tantrums, etc. Your dd sounds very much like mine. I'm not a big fan of taking everything away from my kids for thier misdeeds. I've found it doesn't work when you're dealing with a mental disorder. If she were simply acting out, I'd say, 'sure, try it', but you already KNOW it's not working, so it's likely time to try something else.
I strongly urge you to have her re-evaluated by a Neuropsychiatrist. Pediatricians and counselors are not qualified to diagnose a brain disorder. They can be great for support and therapy, but a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist is truly the only DR who can get you a specific diagnosis and suggest proper treatment for your family. Notice I said "family". When it comes to a mental/brain disorder, it affects the family, not just the diagnosed. I totally feel your pain and send many gentle hugs. BTDT - still am.
I suggest you re-post your message to the Troubled Teens board. There are lots of parents there who have experienced similar difficulties with thier own teens, some with mental disorders, others without. You will get a lot of support and ideas.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pstroubled?redirCnt=1
Another board that I frequent, and has been very illuminating and supportive for me over the years is www.conductdisorders.com, in particular the Forum section, General. The people there are just amazing - when you hear thier stories, you will kiss the ground your daughter walks on - Just kidding! But, seriously, you will see yourself and your dd in so many of thier posts.
Remember to take time out for yourself. So often as a parent of a troubled child, we let our own health fall by the wayside and eventually we become non-effective because we're simply exhausted. Hugs~