Hello I'm a newbie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Hello I'm a newbie!
7
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 1:31am

My name is Robin, i'm going to be 41 in Feb. I am a mom of lets see dd 19, dd almost 17, dd 15, dd almost 13, ds almost 11, and dd 9.

I'm going insane. These teenagers are litterly driving me nuts. What is it with todays generation of kids! they are mean and nasty not only to each other but to me too. They even give the garbage man dirty looks. We have taken away t.v comuter put in curfews and it's so horrible my dr. started me on xanax for my nerves. my dh and I are in counseling after almost 20 years of marriage. I can't even stand to be in the same home with them let alone the same room with them.

Please Please Please someone out there tell me i'm not alone and i'm not a horrible mother and I pray someone here has some advise that I can get things under control again before I loose my sanity!

Robin

Robin
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 5:24am

Welcome Robin!


No you're not nuts, and you're not alone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 9:55am
Welcome to the board, Robin!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 11:07am

Hi Robin!

It sure sounds like you have your hands full at home! That many people in one house is bound to cause some confusion and conflict. I only have two kids myself, one isn't home much and the other isn't even a 'real' teenager yet but he's the one who makes me nutty! I sympathize with you on the attitude thing -- I don't get it either and quite frankly, have little patience or tolerance for it. It seems that behavior is glorified on television and in the movies, but imo, that doesn't make it right!

This is a great place to hang out and get advice and support.

Hang in there!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 3:01pm

No you are not alone and you are not a horrible mother. The fact that this concerns you tells me that. A horrible mother wouldn't care either way.

My goodness I can't imagine life with that many teens under one roof! My kids are 6 years apart so I really only had one teen at home at a time and the youngest one nearly put me 6' under. I had to be put on anti-depressants, a sleep-aid, and something for my stomach. This on top of seeing a counselor. You are by no means alone.

The one thing I had to learn was to not allow DD to push my buttons. I had to learn to walk away and get caught up in her tantrums. She would cry and yell and say mean things and then I would get my feelings hurt and cry and yell too. I had to learn to say to her when you can calm down and be respectiful, then we'll talk. I've literally spent 15 or 20 minutes locked in the bathroom with the shower running to drown her out. She would eventually give up and go away. I would come out and do something else and hours or days later we would finish the conversation. It took a while for both of us to learn to talk to each other calmly but for the most part we are there. DD is now 18, at college, calls home at least once a day, studying her behind off and making excellent grades. She no longer rolls her eyes when I suggest she do something (she usually doesn't do it but she's polite about it). My point is they do grow up and mature.

Good Luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 4:33pm
I agree exactly with your post. It could have been written by me. I think the key is not to feel you have to comment on everything your teenagers say and do. Most of the time, they're being irrational and are trying to start an arguement. Pick your battles and try, really hard to keep your responses short and to the point and really try to interject a bit of humor. It really goes a long way. I say pick your battles...this too shall pass.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 8:38pm

Yes she still lives at home. she is supposed to be paying rent and for her celphone but she doesn't. we just paid 300.00 to get her car fixed and she was supposed to pay that back. the last two nights she is out past her curfew. yes she is 19 but if she can't call and say hey i'm not coming home then she needs to be home by a certain hour. I told her tonight that I wanted her key and that at her curfew when she was there to call and i'd let her in. she said no she didn't have to. I told her as long as you live in my house you live by my rules. and the only thing we ask her to do is to keep her room clean do her laundry and clean up any messes from herself. to pay her rent and her bills on time. she comes to me for gas money because she has no money to get back and forth to work. so this week i give her 20 bucks for gas but instead she is out running around just driving with her friends til 1:30 or so in the morning.

the other night we just had a police officer killed in the line of duty, the fog was so horrible he ran off the road. i sat up waiting for her to come in and when she finally did she couldn't understand why I was upset. so we told her to either follow the rules or move out. I've got more to say because tonight is a living he but i'll put it in another post

Robin

Robin
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 8:48pm

The biggest thing is right now tht they each have a chore they are supposed to do when they get home from school. the two that are 17 and 15 don't eat lunch in school so they come in and first they eat then they go and laydown for a couple of hours. they are supposed to either do their chores first or their homework first but they don't they laydown and sleep. or if they have access to the computer they are on the computer or watching tv. we've taken both of them away and now they have nothing to do so they sleep. my 15 year old has a's and b's but my 17 year old had 2 E's 2 D's and C's and a A. she has missed 10 days of school this year! They walk past me and just make nasty comments i tell them to get up and do their chores or their homework and they ignore me. i'll ask them a question and they ignore me won't answer me at all. Then when dh gets home he gets angry because the chores aren't done. I can't keep a house clean after 8 pleople all day long! i just can't do it. I have Crohn's disease, Divitulitus, Diabetees, and 3 tumors on the bottom of my foot. It's at the point right now that i stay out of the house when they are here because i can't stand to be around them!

I tell my dh that the reason they talk to me the way they do is because they see him do it and he allows it. I try to put a stop to it but it doesn't work. if daddy can talk to mommy nasty then so can I and he doesn't see how nasty or disrespectful they are because he acts like the same way. I was brought up that you don't back mouth an adult and if for any reason you do you know the consequences.

Robin

Robin