help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2010
help
4
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 2:32pm

my 9th grade daughter 14 will(15) in 2 mos. says that we are not letting her make mistakes? am i too strict ?



Here is some details we just relocated to louisiana from ks. Big adjustment and cultural differences for sure. She is New to the school no friends as of yet and grades already slipping for not doing her homework. (but she tells us she did it or there is none)

Oranda- wife to Cornel Sr.

Mother of- 1 Highschooler- Jasmine, 2 middle Schooler's Coriana and Cornel jr. and an Elem

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
In reply to: proudmomma316
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 3:48pm

Tough age for a move! How were her grades and behavior in her last school, meaning is this sudden new behavior or is she just continuing more of the same and blaming the school and recent move? Is her new school a middle school where she's the top of the heap or a high school where she's on the bottom in addition to being the "new girl"?



Something my DD's schools had was a form called an "Evaluation Report". It had a section for each teacher and their comments/assignments, whatever the parent might need to know. This was a parent request thing if their student wasen't doing well and the student would have to take it (usually Thursdays) To each class where the teacher could list each outstanding assignment and it had to be signed by the parent and returned Fridays. We could also request computer printouts each week with each assignment and grade or incomplete. YES this is alot of effort for you as the parent, best to set up a conference with ALL of her teachers present- and her class or schools mental health counselor, with your DD

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2010
In reply to: proudmomma316
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 4:13pm

thanks for the reply. she is in highschool. So yes new location, new school (bottem of heep again) and no lunch friends yet. she has mention she has meet people in the different classes. At her old school she was in softball, ran track and manager of the Basketball team.

Oranda- wife to Cornel Sr.

Mother of- 1 Highschooler- Jasmine, 2 middle Schooler's Coriana and Cornel jr. and an Elem

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to: proudmomma316
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 7:19pm

<> Tell your dd, that this is the way EVERY parent with a brain does things. If you were to just let things happen and she flunked, then what? If she got pregnant, then what? Since SHE is not independently wealthy, and is not capable of supporting herself, let alone a child, you are stuck being responsible for her at least till she turns 18. Even if she's just tardy, or truant, she does it enough times and DCF comes looking for YOU since it is YOUR responsibility to make sure she goes to school.

Tell her it is easier to PREVENT disaster than to manage it, and as long as she is on YOUR dime, she's gonna do things YOUR way.

BTW, since she has made no move to get involved on her own, I'd MAKE her do some volunteer work, and/or get involved in church service. Idle hands, and all that.

Many kids manage to get thru grammar and middle school, but fall apart once they hit the harder work of hs. Also, what got "good grades" in Kansas, might NOT have prepared her for HS in LA. Not all school systems are equal. I'd have her get an assignment notebook, and at the end of each class, she has to get her teacher to initial the notebook, proving that what she's written is indeed correct. If no initial, or obviously forged, a visit to the guidance counselor is in order.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
In reply to: proudmomma316
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 7:43pm
Did her grades slip from being A's to F's or A's to C's? Are her grades slipping due to a different grading system? Remember some schools use a 10 point scale while some use a 7 point scale. She is still finding her way in a new state, with different requirements, and different teaching styles.
Does the school have a site where you can check her grades? I know here, in Northern VA, we use Blackboard. We also get progress reports emailed to use every two weeks, the kids can't hide them.
I quit lecturing my kids about grades, as it accomplished nothing. As I tell them, if they fail I will not pay for summer school (here its a $750 fee), I already have my diploma their grades do not affect me. You can take away everything and it doesn't mean that she will do her homework.
I let my kids pass or fail on their own. My oldest figured out pretty quickly that it was all up to him,as he was a 2 year freshman due to missing 1/2 credit. He made it up the next year and is back with his original class looking forward to a June graduation.