help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
help!
4
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 11:00pm

Hi everyone,

Can someone tell me what is going on with this 13 year old? He lies all the time about stupid stuff, he constantly gets in trouble at school for smart mouthing the teachers, he tries to get out of doing anything, he pees in cans in his room at night so he doesn't have to get up, he pees in the bathtub sometimes and keeps leaving the evidence, he has stolen petty amounts of cash, he has played with fire twice that we know of (once he singed the carpet, second time he sneaked out of the house at midnight and him and his friends videotaped themselves playing with an aeresol can and a lighter.
WHAT IS GOING ON?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
In reply to: boogiebooboo
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 6:09am
Sounds like a kid in serious need of some counseling, and some boundaries. Set some reasonable expectations and then follow through with reward (or punishment) when he meets (or fails to meet them). Find out what would make him happy, and then bargain with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: boogiebooboo
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 8:28am

Welcome! You brought up a lot of issues so Im just going to tell you what the first thing was that came to my mind

Why does a 13 yr old NEED to pee during the night? Is he drinking excessive amounts of soda?

Is it possible he is drinking alcohol?

There are small battery operated alarms you can attach to windows and doors. I saw them at Bed BAth and Beyond of all places-not expensive. He may be sneaking out at night more than you realize.

I personally would address that first because I would wonder about sneaking, drinking, and therefore, needing to pee and being too out of it to know what he is doing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
In reply to: boogiebooboo
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 9:23pm
Wow, I never thought of that..about the drinking excessive amounts of soda or the alcohol. I think the soda could be causing it, because I know his dad lets him drink tons of it. Thankyou. I will look into it. The weird thing is, he keeps doing it even though his dad has gotten angry several times.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
In reply to: boogiebooboo
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:14pm

I agree with the previous poster who suggested getting your child into some kind of counseling. One thing I would recommend is that YOU meet with the counselor first, and bring documented (aka write down) evidence of what your son has been doing. Then, when DS goes into the counselor and makes up whatever stories he wants, at least the counselor will know your side first.

As for why he continues to do things even though his Dad gets angry, at this point, that's not relevant...if the fact that we, as parents, got ANGRY was enough to deter behavior, there would be a lot less posting on the Troubled Teens Board.

Whether he is a rebellious child that's pushing the envelope, a child with an emotional issue you don't know about, a child with a PHYSICAL issue you that hasn't been diagnosed, a kid with a drug problem, or even something simple like a food allergy, the act of your DH's anger is definitely not going to deter him.

One thing I found while reading "The Explosive Child" is that we seem to believe that we have to "teach" our teenagers what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior - the truth is, they already know...we've already taught them. I'm sure that at no point in your child's life did you demonstrate to him that it was appropriate to pee in cans or steal money, and if his school has a DARE program, he's already learned about the dangers of lighters and aerosol cans...the point is, they know they're doing something wrong. Either they don't care and don't WANT to do it right, they CAN'T do it right, or they really believe they'll suffer no consequence.