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| Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:02pm |
I've got a kid who did well in middle school and started at a top high school (test in only) this year...
she's skipping classes (mostly the first one because she gets there too late), not doing
homework, not handing in projects and failing tests... She is in serious danger of failing
her first class of the day due to extensive absenses, lateness and not handing in projects...
Her other classes aren't much better and my former 93 average kid is lucky to be getting 80's ... We'll know more about grades at the end of the month when this first semester is over...
Anyway - she is generally apathetic about the whole thing... she doesn't tell us about these projects, homeworks, latenesses and absences... We are hearing from the first period teacher and her guidance counselor - who I am waiting for a call back from today...
We can't seem to get her to care about anything... I am pretty sure there are no drugs involved as I secretly keep tabs on her online life and have seen no mention of their use..
She already sees a therapist for cutting issues ...
I am seriously lost and don't know how to parent her... she was so different last year and nothing in her history has prepared us for this ...
Any ideas out there?

well, I would say that if your DD is already seeing a therapist, that's a good place to start. I don't know that much about cutting, but there must be underlying issues to cause someone to want to do that, maybe depression? Maybe that's the same reason that she doesn't care about school. There has to be something going on for such an abrupt change from good student to apathetic.
Does she really want to be at this school? Was it her idea to go there or the parents? I'm only bringing this up because it would seem to me that it would be better to be getting A's and at least doing the work at another school rather than having a lot of trouble at the good school. Could it be because her friends aren't there, or is there too much pressure? Just throwing out ideas here.
<<. . . not doing homework, not handing in projects and failing tests. . .>>
<<. . . she is generally apathetic about the whole thing... she doesn't tell us about these projects, homeworks, latenesses and absences . . .>>
Hugs to you! The above words describe my dd at the beginning of 9th grade, as well. They would also describe her during her middle school years (it truly is amazing that she got as far as she did with the grades she had!). Anyway, I talked to the high school principal after first quarter grades came out and told him that I was frustrated and that I saw my dd just "falling through the cracks". The principal told me about a new program they had started up that involved smaller class size (about 10 students to a class) and that had teachers who had volunteered to take on these struggling kids. Now at the end of second quarter, she has brought her grades up from Ds and Fs to a B, two Cs and 1 D. I truly believe it was all because of the smaller class size and the extra attention that she got from the teachers. I only mention this because my dd's high school is huge. Is that true with the one that your dd attends?
I truly feel for you, as I have been in your shoes. My dd is transferring to a private school next Tuesday and they have even smaller class size (7-8 students). She is looking forward to the move (I think) and I am very optimistic that she will find her way in this new environment.
Good luck to you! I know it is frustrating!
Amelia
This first semester of 9th grade is a big transition. My DD is in a 7-12 school, and still 9th was a big jump, both emotionally and in terms of what's expected academically of kids. There's a transition to expecting them to be more adult, to take more initiative on their own, and more personal responsibility. Some kids - maybe your DD - are overwhelmed by this.
Also, your DD is (maybe for the first time in her educational career) having to really work for her grades. I know my DD went through this. In elementary, she could whip a paper out at the last minute and do well, could do OK on a test just by showing up in class - then she realized in HS she really had to work. For some kids, the first reaction to this "raising the bar" is to not even try! (My DD spent alot of time telling me how 'unfair' it was! lol)
Maybe you can help your DD by setting reasonable goals, by saying (over and over) "it's OK to get less than perfect grades", by sitting with her while she studies. This year (10th), my DD doesn't need this anymore, but in the transition between elementary/MS and HS, she certainly did.
Finally, it's almost the end of the semester. When the grades come out, you can sit with your DD and talk about what specifically she can do in the coming semester to bring them up. Last year, we talked about how to go from C to B in science (an achievable goal) and encouraged her to go *GASP* talk to the teachers about what was happening in class - they've got so many students that anything you do to make yourself stand out can only help.
HTH
Sue
It is great that you are interested in your dd's situation. Look up the email addresses of her teachers and open dialogue, or call them. At my dd's high school, the teachers prefer asynchronous communication. Find out about her performance in classes, upcoming tests, and big projects. Help her strategize. Time management doesn't come naturally to most kids. She may not think she needs a hand at it, but her performance suggests otherwise. Ask teachers about tutors for subjects that she needs a boost in. A tutor can give extra face time on subjects that aren't a breeze, especially math.
My dd couldn't possibly be late to school. We drive her to school every day and she is on campus 20 minutes before her first class. Could you do something to help dd make it to school on time? We all need help now and then.
Does dd have any friends at the school? Do they have good work ethics? My dd is eager to keep her grades up because of peer pressure just as much as because of her internal drive.