help again

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
help again
3
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:35am

I appreciate all the advice from everyone but here we go again.
My daughter had to sell sub sandwhiches to help pay for her sneior trip. Her boyfriend sold a few for her to family and friends. When it was time to turn in the numbers he told her to order 5 extra cuz he knew he could sell them. She asked if he was sure. He said yes. When they came in he told her he was just kidding he didn't really want them. I told her he was responsible for them. I counted them out THREE times and took them to his work place. Now he claims I gave him 4 less than I did. I am so mad.

But when I tried to talk to my daughter about this kid and tell her to please keep her eyes open considering him she is really giving me the cold shoulder, After everything he has done she still thinks he is so wonderful.

Me I AM FED UP.

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
In reply to: ks13mom
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 2:48pm
Oh boy... what a stinker! I know exactly how you feel about getting the cold shoulder when you try to point out what the BF did wrong. Ohhhh... that can be soooo frustrating. Believe me, I've been through it. If you point out exactly what he did wrong (only the behavior or action) you may get somewhere with her; but stay away from anything that sounds like you are judging him. She will only defend him. Sometimes you may have to let things slide for awhile. The sandwich issue sounds very frustrating, but pretty typical for a teen boy. They never want to look like they were wrong so they may lie or slant the truth. I would talk to him personally about the sandwiches and let him know that you counted them yourself. He may cave and say "oh yeah I was just kidding." After all you are a parent; if you talk to him (respectfully of course) he may quit with the false bravado and just be honest. Then you could follow up with and "I knew you were probably just kidding." (wink) If you get nowhere, I'd let it go. He would still know you were unhappy with him.
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: ks13mom
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 11:19am

You've made your feelings known about the b/f and it's obvious that she heard you, she just doesn't agree with you. I would probably not continue with this. She may feel like you are being critical of her - she choose to date him. You also want her to know that she can come to you if/when there are problems with b/f. If she feels like you are constantly criticizing (& in her world more than once in a lifetime is constantly) him, she won't come to you. I tend to be more indirect with my criticism. For instance, DD's b/f is a major moocher. So when I see someone like that on TV or in real life, I simply say boy that girl is way too good to put up with something like that or I wonder what happened in her life that her self-esteem is so low that she thinks that's the best guy for her. He is also a drinker so when I know that of an incident involving alcohol - driving accident, fight, lost job, etc - I simply say what a shame that so & so lost his job b/c he went to work with a hangover or isn't it interesting that such a nice guy can be such a jerk with a little alcohol. She usually doesn't respond but I know she's getting the message.

In your particular case, I would also insist that DD be responsible for paying for those sandwiches. She took the order and she is responsible for paying for it. If she has to start actually paying for his screw-ups, she might get tired of it on her own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
In reply to: ks13mom
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 11:53am
I guess I am using this forum as a way of venting. I am trying not to say much to my daughter because I want her to see with her own eyes. I have used the tv as a way of making comments or other life situations. I just hope she sees the light. When everyone sees it but her it scares me. Even her friends have told her that he doesnt treat her right and she needds to be careful. So its not just me. Thanks for listening and lettin me blow off steam.