Help with dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Help with dating
1
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 12:44pm
I've written about my kids before and their dating life. My DS is 18 and will be graduating this year and my DD recently turned 17. My DS started dating his gf about 7 months ago (his 1st gf) and my DD starting dating her bf about 9 months ago. Anyway, my DS started off seeing his gf 2 to 3 times a week, which was fine but recently they started working out together and so now they see each other more often. He isn't a very social person so it's not like he has this big social life and he is 18 and will be going off to college in the fall so I haven't made a really big deal about them seeing each other more often lately. I don't really like it but have dealt with it. On the other hand, my DD sees her bf 2 to 3 times a week but pushes for more. I strongly encourage her to spend more time with her friends but will continually push for more time with him. She will always throw in that her brother gets to spend more time with his gf and it's not fair, etc. I try to tell her that he is 18 and will be leaving soon and she will argue that she isn't that much younger and she should be able to chose for herself how often they see each other. It seems like it is an endless battle. She has some really good friends and I keep telling her that she doesn't want to lose them by not spending time with them. I always give the speech about not being married and they need their own time apart, etc. I was wanting to find out how other people handle kids wanting to be attached at the hip and is there an age when you just let them decide.
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: rue_16
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 8:47am

I can't really say I've had that problem. DD's b/f is away at college so they have alot of time apart. When he's at home during Christmas, she doesn't spend alot of time with her friends but since there are family events they aren't together all the time. During the summer, DD usually gets a job and works nights so he's off with his friends while she's at work. I usually expect her home 45 min to an hour after she gets off work (30 min drive). She can meet him at Sonic for a slush and then come home. We also insist that she spend one night a week at home with us during the summer. He is welcome but usually doesn't come. She is allowed to invite anyone she chooses over that night. Sometimes she invites friends and sometimes she doesn't. She also plays sports and has church activities that keeps her close to her friends so I would encourage those types of things.

I would probably quit giving her the talk and just tell her that you've made your position clear and it's not up for debate. I wouldn't allow it to escalate beyond that. I know its tough not to defend yourself when she's pushing buttons (my kid ought to be a lawyer the way she likes to present her side so often). If my DD heard the "attached at the hip" talk very often, she would just dig her heels in more.

Good Luck.