Help! dd obsessed w/designer brands

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Help! dd obsessed w/designer brands
11
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 11:04pm

hi,


I'm concerned that my daughter (13) is becoming too shallow, selfish, and materialistic.


Her dad and I are divorced; it's a long story, but he was sexually abusive with her in the past and still has joint custody although I did everything I could to remove her from the abusive situation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 8:24am

Therapy is a good thing for your DD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 11:00am
Thanks for your insight--yes, it has also occurred to me that this might be, in part,
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Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 11:03am

I think therapy is a good thing for your dd as well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 11:22am

Thanks, Cheryl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 5:33am

Wow, your mediator threatened you with influencing your case? That doesn't sound legal to me. Mediators are supposed to help two people find solutions without interfering or influencing the outcome. They are not supposed to even give legal advice. That doesn't sound right to me.


Have you considered getting your dd involved in volunteer work? Volunteerism has been shown to improve self-esteem. It could also help your dd to realize what's really important in life, especially if she works with underprivileged people. Maybe it would open her eyes to the larger world around her and help her see that clothing is so very superficial. It could also give her a sense of purpose and belonging and being needed in the world for more than her looks. Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 2:57pm

Hi Tazikigirl, and thanks for your insightful reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 4:17pm

As a family lawyer, I am just horrified by your case, but I know that some cases fall apart either by getting a bad judge or where somehow the judge or mediator gets an initial impression that one party is the "bad guy" and they don't change that impression even though the facts of the case warrant it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 7:10pm

Do you have any kind of relationship with her dad to discuss these matters, even if its through a third party?

I dont see how you can do squat about this without his going along, even if its just half way

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 10:36pm

No, I don't have the kind of relationship with him that invites joint problem-solving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 5:10am

I agree with moving forward and I'm glad you're going to have your dd get involved with volunteer work. Any type of volunteering will help her because it will teach empathy and caring for others. However, with court-appointed workers, there is recourse for illegal behavior should you ever choose to take action. Each one of them answers for their actions and they can be reported. You can find out who they answer to and report them. We had a case with my dsd when she was 12. She told us she was being sexually abused by her stepdad in her bm's home. She had two different law guardians and a judge who wouldn't listen to her and

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