Help Me To Not Call DDs BF!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Help Me To Not Call DDs BF!
8
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 9:02pm

I am very close to calling or sending a text message. Give me a reason not to!


Here's the story:


DD is 18 and college-bound in 3 weeks. She is dating 17yo senior.


He keeps her waiting, says they will 'hang out' and then is unavailable, doesn't answer his phone at times, say's he's coming over and doesn't...etc.


Fast forward to tonight: she asked him to come over tonight so that she could cook dinner for him. She expected him at 7:30. She doesn't cook, so she got take-out at Olive Garden ($30 of her hard earned money), set the table on the patio, plated up the food and had it warming in the oven. BF calls. He's coming, but he's not eating. She told him to turn around and go home (good, good girl!).


Later, she gets ready to go out....to Starbucks and then Blockbuster to rent a movie together.


This boy is killing me. In addition to messing with her plans all the time, he ruined her last day of high school and her 18th b-day. I'm not sure what happened but he agreed to see her or do something with her and then disappointed her on both occasions. I keep telling her that there are better guys out there....and that she doesn't NEED any guy who behaves like this.


HELP! Advice needed!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 9:11pm

Let it be mom!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 9:46pm

ITA with Rose on this one. As much as you would like to hunt this kid down and pound him into the ground ... don't. Take a deep breath and let your DD handle this. Odds are that she is 'over' him already anyway and the three weeks until she leaves for college is just time she is passing with him.

Hang in there!

 

 

 

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:23pm

She likely already knows everything you're feeling. It's not your place to intervene. It's okay that you've told she deserves better, now let it lie. She needs to be ready to make the break or let him know what a jerk he's been - not you.

I know it's difficult to sit idly by and not say anything. I've wanted to knock my dds' bf's once or twice, but have resisted the urge. Even when dd was breaking up with her long love and he was begging me to get involved I wouldn't. Finally, H had to get on the phone and tell him to stop calling the house. It's awful to be involved in their stuff.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:24pm
Haha - that is EXACTLY what happened with my 19dd and her then bf. Kicked him to the curb once she hit the campus...a well deserved kicking btw. lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 12:06am
Don't call. This in my opinion is something your daughter has to handle on her own, with you guiding behind the scenes. I always want to fix my daughter's problems and frequently intervene. But I'm convinced it is not the way to go. Give her guidance, but have faith she will handle it. She will be angry if you interfere and then things get worse. She'll probably resent it in any case. I have a hard time holding back. I want to spare my dds hurt. But I really think you have to do it with advice--and as they say about advice: it's like castor oil, easy to give and hard to take. Let us know how it goes. We're all going down the same path. Good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 8:06am

Thanks everyone for the great advice....I'm going to take it and not intervene. You're all right, she feels bad and she knows how I feel for sure.


I just hope he doesn't call her constantly while she's at school. I'm fairly sure they'll break up, but she doesn't need all that drama while starting her college studies.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 10:07am

I think it helps to put oneself in the shoes of the other parent as well

While I wouldnt condone my son being rude and breaking promises, at this point I would be worried about HIM getting hurt and actively encouraging him to find new social opportunities. I would worry about his last year of school and how it will be affected by having a GF away at college-will he have to miss dances? Is he going to want to go visit? Do I want him exposed to college already?

IOW, there are always two sides. And those 2 sides have to be the ones to work it out because we mom arent too good at seeing both sides-LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 1:20pm
Don't know where you live and whether the selection of boys is somewhat limited (lol) but look at it this way -- she'll be away at college, there will be TONS of young men there some of which will have more in common with her, her age or older and more mature, and this jerk will suffer by comparison. My guess? He knows that or feels the pressure of that and his rude behaviour is a way of stringing her along and maintaining some sort of sick control over her. Pathetic...