Help, Mom of teenage daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2014
Help, Mom of teenage daughter
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 9:25am

Am I alone? My teenage daughter  acts so entitled, disrepectful and isn't seeing that her decisions to screw off in school is going to impact her future. I need palace a just sound off when she is driving me up a wall. My counselor suggested I try a chat room. Does anyone know of a facilitated discussion. 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 9:36am

This forum has gotten a bit slow so don't expect instant responses but there are great people here who have great advice.  To me it's normal for teens to stretch their limits/boundaries and as a parent it's up to you to lay down the law gently but firmly. To me it helped to set rules WITH my teen vs. just imposing them - so say you say be home by x, and if you're not...leave it up to them to help set the consequence (and you have to agree to it, or eventually come to consensus).  It can get quite rocky but if you stick to the plan, they'll know you mean it and are consistent.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 3:40pm

We really need a little more info, since, imho anyway, grades and attitude are 2 separate issues.  Has she always struggled with school?  Did her grades drop suddenly?  When you say "screw off" that covers a lot of ground.  Is she cutting classes?  Is she involved in anything at school? 

Who are her friends, and how long has she had them?  How do you get along with her friends?

And what consequenses have you delivered for disrespect and entitlment? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 7:09pm

I think we could use a little more info here, but my 2nd DH & his DD really butted heads and he was not a very effective parent many times--he would threaten huge punishments when he was mad, then he would cool off and realize that he went overboard and then do nothing or not follow through.  His DD was really not motivated to do well in school.  The one time that he did something that worked was when she failed a coupl of major subjects in her junior year.  She really wanted to graduate on time with her class so she had to go to summer school.  She had her driver's license then.  A large part of the problem was that she was just not doing the work--it wasn't that she was incapable.  So he made a deal with her for the time of summer school--if she brought home a note from the teacher that she had turned in all her assignments for the week, then she could use the car on the weekend, no note, no car--it was very easy and avoided a lot of arguing since she knew the consequences in advance.  Also since there was no bus to get to school the only way she could get there was to use his car which meant she had to get up at 6:00 am to drive him to work--not something that she wanted to do in the summer either.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 8:01pm

You are certainly welcome to vent here. Like others said, with more details we might be able to make specific suggestions--if that is what you are looking for. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 01-06-2014 - 10:07am

Hi and welcome to the board. Ivillage no longer has a chat feature and the boards have slowed way down but there are some of us that still hang out here! As far as your dd not seeing how here decisions may affect her long-term - IMO that's not uncommon for teens. They're very impulsive and often just think 'in the moment'. Parenting a teen is NOT for the faint of heart! I firmly believe the studies that shows the human brain doesn't fully develop until a person is in their mid-20's!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 01-06-2014 - 9:46pm

Welcome to our corner of the village and gentle hugs to you.

My mother says our most “golden years” are also the years when the kids are at home and “driving us nuts.” So welcome to the golden years. LOL

Picking up where Pam and others left off, with a nonsensical statement, “Nobody ever said parenting was easy and nobody was certainly correct.” LOL

Part of it is plain old teen-itus, for which there is no cure other than aging out of it and realizing how stupid they were. Some, like me, have it really bad. I started to wise up at 21. As Pam said, many teens fail to see the big picture. Having said that, they can, and often do, make a recovery into productive adulthood.

As the other ladies said, with a little more information, we might be able to share strategies that worked for us. Also some that did not work so well.