Help---Really need your thoughts!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Help---Really need your thoughts!!!!!!!!
16
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 3:05am

My 17-year old daughter just found out she is pregnant. She is no longer with the guy she got pregnant from and they were only together a month or so.

I do not know what to think. Nor what to say to her.

I am a Christian, but I do not mind telling her she can go ahead and get an abortion. Have not said much to her because I do not know what to say. There is no room in her life or in our house for another human being and we are stretched as is.

JJ is academically brilliant, but I am afraid it is just that for now.

Am I so wrong? Can you give me your thoughts and advice if any?
I so appreciate your responses. always,

Lisa

a note from babykisses

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 11:40pm
Hugs to you and your family. You are a good mom for having her explore ALL her options. Being a Christian does NOT mean you can't do this - people can make the choice of abortion/adoption and that does NOT make them any less of a Christian, IMO. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. Please keep us posted!


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

CL:
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 11:43pm

<<<>>>

A thousand hugs to you Pam, for posting this.

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 8:07pm
Hugs to you and your daughter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 3:15am

I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind thoughts and advice. JJ is still not sure what will happen but it will totally be her decision. We will support her completely no matter which way she goes.

Many hugs to all!

very sincerely,
Lisa

a note from babykisses
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 12:37pm
This must be tough for you. I just wanted to chime in with my thoughts because I was in your daughter's position. I got pregnant at age 16, from a guy 4 years my senior and who had been my boyfriend for two years. I was TERRIFIED to tell my parents; not because they would punish me, etc., but because I knew they would be disappointed. And they were. I was academically gifted and had big plans for my future, and I knew they were worried that these plans would be derailed. What helped me most was that when I told my parents I was pregnant, they told me (and boyfriend) that they loved me no matter what and asked what I planned to do. There was no pressure, and they said they would support me whatever I chose to do. As scared and concerned as they were, they didn't pepper me with questions and demands every day, and instead asked that I let them know within the next week or two. Ultimately, we decided to have the baby. It was not easy for my parents, because they essentially had a responsibility thrust on them by my decision (we lived there while I finished my senior year in high school). They were a huge support and told me that having a baby was no excuse for giving up my dreams. The story has a happy ending because I went to college immediately after high school and am now a successful attorney (and married to boyfriend). My son is 17 now and I don't know what I would do without him (nor do my parents!). I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but just wanted to let you know that a pregnancy is not necessarily the end of the road for your daughter. She needs your support and encouragement now more then ever. There is also nothing wrong with advising your daughter of her options and allowing her to make the decision she feels will best serve her. Hang in there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:43pm

Hi,

I guess every Mom of a teenager wishes you the very best. I personally am not for abortion. To me it's a life and I'd do all I could to bring that life in to the world. Having said that--your daughter's life is what is most important to you naturally as a mother. If I felt making my daughter live through a pregancy woiuld harm her emotionally and psychologically--at such a young age, I couldn't make her have the baby. Although I would gladly take the baby as my own and cherish it. The point though would be my daughter's well-being. Any body can make a mistake in life. Many of us have teenage moms to thank for our very existence. Also, there is a mom in our town that had a baby as a teen and the girl who is now is a teen is the happiest child around and the Mom couldn't be more proud. Still, I would not make my daughter go through with a pregnancy. I guess being a Mom means you put your daughter's welfare first. Abortion is legal and many good women have had them. I'm not going to judge them. Stay close, God Bless, and be thankful your daughter is not one of those young college girls who has a baby, tells no one and then disposes of the baby. That happened to a lovely college girl--all because she was afraid of what her parents would say. A daughter must know her mother would help her and stand by her no matter what. That's how I feel anyway no matter how much I wanted the baby (and I would be desperate to have that child born). Still, I'd let my daughter decide and help her heal and adjust. All the best. Let us know that all turns out as well as it can...and that you survive this. You will find the way.

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