Helping my son w/the death of a friend?
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Helping my son w/the death of a friend?
| Sun, 05-21-2006 - 10:17am |
My son lost a good friend on friday. prom night/my son's birthday. he will remember this date forever. he has been really quiet and depressed for two days and today, sunday, he said that he deceided to not be down and out about his friend but that he was thinking he was in a better place, hanging out w/the girls and relaxing and parting in heaven. (this is the same boy that told me he did not believe in God on mother's day) i told him not to think of it that way cuz when you are in heaven, you are there to serve God and that there was so much more for his friend to experience here on earth(i did not want him in the back of his mind to think that someone is better off gone)he said, MOm, don't ruin it. that's how i see him now. i appologized and said his friend was now at peace. he did not mention the viewing. should i ask him about going?

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We buried my DH's stepson (from another marriage) just last month. They had stayed very close over the past 20 years.... he also wasn't belted in... it seems so senseless, doesn't it?
I lost my closest friend in high school and I still think about him now, 30 years later. I think your plan is very good. A kid needs some special attention after something so traumatic. My parents wouldn't even let me miss one day of school (even though I'd not even slept the night he died), so I ran out of class one day screaming, and they couldn't find me for 2 days. Then my mother insisted that I ride with her to the funeral, and I ran away again.
Dang, I'm starting to cry now. I wish I would have had someone like you when that happened. Your son is very lucky to have someone who has his back.
And that's all I can say right now... DH is looking at me really funny.
zz
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My son is 17 and hasn't ever had a girlfriend, nor even dated. He hangs out with several girls and even went to prom with a female friend. So I guess it's not too uncommon....
zz
I know from facing various losses myself there are several stages of grieving. I did a web search to see if I could find you one website that might offer you some insite into the grieving process for teens, but what I found were many many wonderful sites each offering their own perspective on grieving.
If you go to any search engine and type in "stages of grieving" you'll find a ton of sites that offer suggestions and also the common stages both in teens and also adults.
I am so very sorry for the loss your son is feeling. It might take a few months, but maybe in 6 months you can offer him what my daughter calls "half birthdays". She and I always try to go out for lunch or dinner to acknowledge her "half birthday". A few years she did not wish a celebration on her birthday, but then 6 months later asked if she could have a group of friends over for dinner and I said yes.
Please know that many of us are offering our support and comfort to you as you help your son through this very difficult time.
Audrey :)
http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com
Audrey :)
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