Help...Should a Freshman be allowed to date a senior???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
Help...Should a Freshman be allowed to date a senior???
16
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 7:17am

My DD will be 15 next month and wants to date a 17 year old senior.

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
We didn't permit dating to 16 (and ds wasn't interested) so we didn't have this issue, but if they're 2 years apart in true age, I think I'd at least get to know him; have him over with other friends and maybe let them hang in groups together, but not one on one?

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005

That's a tough one, especially since he seems

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998

That is tough. My DD (turned 15 end of January)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Ten years ago I probably would have said no way but my younger ds dated a freshman all during his senior year and halfway through his freshman year of college when she was a sophomore. They were 12 1/2 years apart - she turned 15 Sept. of her freshman year, he turned 18 in March. It was his first love and I suspect had her parents not forced a break up over Christmas break of his first year of college they would have stayed together longer. Or maybe it would have died a natural death due to the long distance thing. I suspect that they thought it would end once he went off to school and when it didn't they forced the matter. I do know that he was very upset and depressed after they were forced to break up, stopped attending classes, met a girl on the rebound, and for those of you that have been around for awhile - you know the rest of the story.

If you have a no dating til 16 rule that's one thing but if it's just because he happens to be 17 instead of 15 I'd at least get to know the kid. I assume they go to high school together and since you can't be with your dd 24/7 they may just keep the relationship on sly if you come right out and forbid it. S's folks were very hesitant when she and Justin first started dating. At first he could only come over to their house. Then she could come here on occasion but they would drop off and pick up or I would drive one way - it was several months before she was actually able to ride anywhere with him. I'd definitely lay down some pretty tough rules appropriate for a 15 year old. If the guy cares about her enough he'll suck it up and abide by them.

My older was only 17 when he graduated high school - didn't turn 18 til that summer. There were kids in the class behind him that were only 1-2 months younger than him and some that were a whole year younger as they started school a year late. When he was a senior he dated a sophomore whose parents were way more permissive than we were - her mom was ready to take her to planned parenthood to get her on birth control within a couple weeks of them going out. She had very little supervision so I think she saw that as the easier way to do things. So it's not always seniors that have more freedoms!

Pam
Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011

>

My mouth hung open when I read this until I realized it was a typo, LOL !

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

There are a couple of ways of looking at this. Senior boys are a lot more mature than their freshman counterparts, many of whom still don't have great hygiene and think fart jokes are funny. But with that maturity comes greater expectations from a relationship, not just in terms of physical intimacy, but in terms of emotional intimacy, and I don't think may 15 year olds are prepared to deal with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
ROFL - whoops make that 2 1/2 years!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

I too think it is a big "depends".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-1999

I agree that it depends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Instead of telling her NO straight forward, it would be better to take her in belief. Discuss the issue with her. Tell her your opinion. I think combined discussion will be of great help.
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