Here we go again!
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| Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:01am |
DS18 is once again driving me nuts. He quit his job at the video store on Friday without telling me - found out this morning. He said he didnt want to tell me because he knew I'd b---h at him. Duh! I asked him if he thought I'd never find out? Geez! He said his boss cut back his hours and was giving him s--t jobs so he quit. Well, the way his attendance record was there and how he hated his boss anyway, it wasnt a big surprise. I figured if he didnt quit he'd get fired at some point. So since then, he has made NO move to look for another job - just sits home and plays his video games as usual. I sent his resume in to our local airport who are looking for people (he asked me to) and its close to home. He said to me this morning that a lady called him 2 days ago but he didnt call her back because he didnt know what job it was for. Okay - so why didnt you tell me this and ask me which job I sent it in for right after she called??? Obviously the kid is "really interested" in working huh? I've given him the paper to look at, links online and even suggested going back to school - anything that he wants to do I will support him. He just shrugs his shoulders.
Told him that his cellphone bill wont get paid on its own and neither will his car insurance. His next premium is due in April and I refuse to help him out this time. He then has the nerve to say to me "Well, if I dont have a car, how can I get to work?". I just about fell over! Told him that he KNOWS his insurance is coming up and he should be working full time and putting money away for it like the rest of the free world does!
I just dont know what more to do with this kid. His M.O. has always been get a job, work part-time for a month or two then quit. He misers what he has and then back on the same path again. When he first got the job at the video store in October I saw such a change in him - he had money in his pocket, made a few friends and life was good. I dont get how a kid can be so unmotivated with no direction whatsoever in life - just content to get by. I wonder sometimes if depression might be an issue with him as we had such struggles in school but when I bring this up he gets angry at me.
Any ideas other than kicking him out? Do I just wait until he realizes that nobody is going to pay his cellphone bills or next round of insurance and see if that motivates him?

{{tamahar}} I am probably not going to be the most helpful this particular morning when it comes to unruly teenagers...lol.
I seriously can't wait till dd is 18 and I can ask her to leave my home. NO, really. I'm at the end of my rope, have lost all patience, have tried everything I can think of to get through to her and to no avail. She's just thick headed and obviously needs to learn about life the hard way. The only thing my dd DOES have going for her is her job - she loves it and she's great at it. If only she applied as much effort into her schoolwork and personal life she'd be a smashing success.
Only you know for certain when you've reached your limit. Your ds has been a trying teen for a while now and I don't think an unpaid cell phone bill is going to be the life-changing event for him.
Is the cell in your name? If so, suspend the service today. If not, it's his problem! We took away dd's cell. She doesn't really miss it anymore.
Is his car on your insurance? If so, suspend the coverage so he can't take it out on the road but is still covered at a lesser premium - this way you won't have to return the plates. Be sure and take all keys and put them under lock and key. If the car is insured under his own policy - it's HIS problem. I told dd recently that she can't get her license until she is 18 in October and will have to be able to buy her own car and pay her own insurance because she can't use mine.
The bottom line is that we know what they should be doing, what they could have been doing and we help them. In fact, we help them so much they won't bother to help themselves. Tamahar, let him fail, let him hit rock bottom. Do not do anything for him. Bite your tongue, go for a walk, but learn to let the need you have for him to learn the right way to live his life go. He obviously needs to learn the hard way so let him.
That may mean that he ends up crashing with a friend for a while, it may mean he ends up temporarily homeless or moving away for a while. But he will never learn how to be self sufficient until you let him. Telling him, teaching him, lecturing him, threatening him, etc., will not & has not worked so far. You're right, he probably is depressed, but until he's willing to face it and do something about it, you're just wasting your breath.
Many gentle hugs and best of luck. Maybe one day we can go out for coffee together and talk about our thick headed kids...LOL - sorry I wasn't more supportive or helpful.
Thanks for your reply. Knowing his past track record, he has his own cellphone plan and is on his own insurance so yes, it will be his problem if he doesnt pay these. There was no way I was going to be responsible for these if he didnt. I know I have to let him fall but its so hard to sit back and watch it!
I would LOVE to meet for coffee with you someday and yack about our frustrating teens however Western Canada is a far ways away from New England (although I've always wanted to visit there!).
My best friend is trying to sit back and watch her own dd's demise. Her dd is almost 20 and has been a nightmare since she was 16. She's good for a while and then manages to mess things up again. My friend has helped her get back on track so many times only to watch her unravel at her own doing.
It is VERY difficult to watch them crash and burn. I've finally detached from dd and her ongoing academic struggles and I have to say, it is freeing to a certain degree. And it's not about caring, it's about allowing her the opportunity to take personal responsibility for herself, her work, etc. If she fails and doesn't graduate, then she can choose to either take summer classes and graduate in August or wait and get her GED. I am tired of battling it with her, you know?
I hope your son wakes up and takes responsibility for himself. He's still young and could turn around. Age doesn't make the adult, after all. It's only a number. Hopefully he will come into his adulthood soon. Prayers are with you~
Something Ive noticed as of late(always been true, Im sure-I just noticed)is that people tend to fall into two categories
1-"I got a 93 on the test-thats an A but someone got a 97-I'll try harder next time to be the best" "I cant cut class; I always get caught when I do something like that"
2-"I got a 53 on the test but thats okay because one person got a 50; Im not the worst" "Ill cut math; they'll never catch ME; I get away with stuff all the time"
I think it finds its way into the work force in that they dont try to be good employees. They get away with what they can;they miss 3 days of work but its okay because Jack missed 4.
I think the only way for them to learn is to let them take the consequences. And it may take many, many times because, again, they notice teh times they get away with stuff and arent the worse
Its especially hard if you are a number 1 yourself
And I think some people are just like that-not sure we can change them but have to accomodate them. In this case, that is accept he needs to fall-let him fall and realize he may need to fall multiple times;that means you can't write off the strategy after one attempt because just because you would learn from it doesnt mean HE will. Again, hes going to see all teh times you did loan him the money
Its tough; I know. You have to convince yourself you are making the right choice and working for his long term benefit(even if the short suffers)
BTW a kid like this is not going to think twice about driving without insurance. I mean, its not like the car wont start without an insurance policy in teh glove compartment. And, again, as a number two, he doesnt feel HE will get caught. You wield no power there IMHO
Ha, this reminds me of last night's round with my ds17.