Here's one for you

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Here's one for you
5
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 1:48pm

This is just an amusing rambling rant about what I consider to be very irresponsible parenting that you might find interesting.

My son has a friend who is 16 (he is 18). She is very "mouthy" for a 16 year old and thinks she's much older than she is...but don't they all?

A few months back, my son asked if this girl could sleep over our house. I said yes and went to find the mother to make arrangements. "Don't worry," DS said, "she's already left." Really? Left without knowing where her 16 year old girl was spending the night? Or if I was ok with her staying at my house? OK.

The next day I found out from the mom that DD had told HER she was sleeping somewhere else - and that she'd only found out the truth because her DD needed someone to pick her up from my house. I made it clear to this young lady THEN that I would not cover or lie for her to her mother.

On Friday, DS15 received a call from this girl's mother asking if she was at our house. DS was visiting his father and said he didn't know - and later told me about this phone call. I called DS18 and asked what was going on, he said her mother had called HIM as well, and before he could even think to lie, he said no, she wasn't with him. Then he called DF (dear friend) to tell her if she was going to lie to her parents, she could at least let him know what lie she was telling (as upsetting as most parents would find this, I am not above KNOWING that teens lie to their parents and get each other to cover their stories). Evidently THAT day she had told Mom she was sleeping at our house but had really spent the night at her boyfriend's.

I told DS I was done with her stories and not about to be made a fool of. IF her mother called me, I would tell her the truth. IF her mother EVER asked me, I would tell her the truth. AND, if she involved my family in her charade one more time, I would CALL mom and tell her what was going on. DS of course had a fit, asking why I couldn't "help her out." Told me HER mother would lie to me for him if it came down to it (thanks for that bit of info, DS - you won't be sleeping at HER house anytime soon).

I told him I knew kids lied to their parents and got their friends to back them up - and as much as I didn't like it, it didn't surprise me. Told him if she worked out a story with him and I didn't know about it, there was little I could do. But I found it disrespctful and downright RUDE for her to expect another PARENT to cover for her (something my generation NEVER expected - we knew if we were snagged by ONE parent, we were snagged by ALL).

But that's not even the point of my story (as rambling as that was). This woman allowed her daughter to sleep at someone else's house - her 16 year old daughter - without speaking to a single parent to verify that it was ok - had she called ME, I would have told her I knew nothing about it, and the girl would have been snagged. Hell, what if I just didn't WANT the girl sleeping over? what if the next day were a big day? Besides being irresponsible, it's rather rude, you know?

But besides that, this girl has ALREADY lied to her mother about her sleeping arrangements - and been caught - and yet the mother STILL doesn't attempt to verify where she's staying.

AND - when she doesn't hear from the girl and can't find her, does she call me? NO - she calls my 15 year old son!

And this is a stay at home mom that home schools her kids.

And when the girl turns up pregnant, will blame everyone but herself.

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:30pm
There is no acounting for some people. I often ask what some parents are thinking. This one sounds like a doozie.
Kristie
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:02am

What is that mom thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:03am
she sounds like my mother. i swear i could probably go to vancouver for the weekend and my mother wouldn't notice. i'd just say i'm spending the weekend at so and so's and she'd be like "cool just remember to be home my 12 of sunday." which is my rarely enforced curfew. not that' i'd ever pull something like that, mostly cuz my sisters can't cook and they'd starve but still. Some parents just think that ingornace is bliss and that if they can't see it, it's not happening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:44am
I'm certainly not condoning the girl lying to her mom, but I have to say that by the time my DD was 16, if she asked me if she could sleep over a friend's house and it was someone I knew well and knew the family, I wouldn't call the parents directly to find out if it was ok. I would assume their DD had asked the parents first. Of course, most of the time at that age, I was driving her over to the house to leave her off, so I knew where she was. It would be diff. if DD had asked me to sleep over A's house and I found out she wasn't there. Then I would certainly be checking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 12:42pm

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I have a couple of problems with that...first of all, 16 year olds lie for their own benefit - not even necessarily to cause trouble. Mary tells Janice she asked her parents if Janice could sleep over, Janice ASKS her parents, and her parents say yes - but Mary really DIDN'T ask her parents - she either assumed it would be ok because it has in the past, or she played the "teen" card (Mom and Dad aren't going to say anything once Janice is already HERE - bc they're not going to embarrass me, Janice, or Janice's parents by calling them and telling them it's NOT ok for Janice to sleep here. More likely, they're going to tell me "don't let it happen again").

But Mary's mother may have a colonoscopy scheduled the next day - and not want ANYONE sleeping over. Mary's mother and father may be in the middle of an argument. Maybe not - but at no time did my children, under 18, ever sleep over someone's house unless I spoke to the parents first and made sure it was ok that they were there (just a simple phone call - "Hey, Janice says Mary wants her to sleep over - just making sure it's ok with you.").

And if they ARE sneaking around, what better way to work it than with parents that know each other well and won't question? Mary tells her parents she's sleeping over Janice's house, Janice tells her parents she's sleeping over Mary's, and God knows WHERE they are.

But your last sentence says it all - even if that IS the relationship you have with your child, once that trust has been violated, all bets are off. This girl already lied to her mother at least once (and got caught) about where she was sleeping - NOTHING should be assumed.

I am not condoning the girl lying either - but at least that can be categorized as normal teenage behavior - the parenting, on the other hand, is too lax for my taste.