Hey Daddioe, I have a show for you...

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Hey Daddioe, I have a show for you...
18
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 6:38pm

... and for any parent who wants to get rid of their teen's bf/gf. LOL The show is entitled Parental Control and it's on MTV in the afternoon's. It's the goofiest show, but after reading your post about weenieboy's taste in music, of course, I thought of you. On this show, the parent's dislike their child's bf/gf and get to each chose one date for their child. After going on the blind date, the child then has to choose one of the three, the existing bf/gf or one of the new ones. Hey, this may be your one big chance to find someone you like for your DD. LOL

Mily :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 10:51pm

Thanks for the suggestion.. lol
It just may be worth getting cable to see it.

Actually, I'm considering purchasing a different car with the trunk monkey option.
Take a look...Turn the sound up.

http://www.trunkmonkey.com/content/view/75/51/

Seriously, I'm going to have to have a little talk with WB before too long.
I think it's time he and I came to an understanding.

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 8:14am
Daddio, I like the trunk monkey idea. If only... By the way, I am curious to know what you will say to WB. My rays of support are being sent out to you :) I hope that goes well. It takes courage to actually have a talk with the BF. I know because I have done it a couple of times. One time it was disasterous (I should have prepared a little) and another time it was okay. Deb
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 9:46am
Unfortunately, it's been necessary that I have a few conversations with the b/f. The last one included the b/f, DD, and his parents. Including his dad put an end to most of his shennanigans. B/f got so mad at us that after we left he punched a wall and broke his hand. I also think he learned a valuable lesson in anger management that night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:35am

I won't be uncomfortable talking to this kid. He's only 16. My main hesitation was the effect it would have on DD. But I have a very good friend I met years ago who is a family practice therapist who said I should *absolutely* talk to him. He suggested I be friendly, non-confrontational, but firm, and tell the little dude something like this:

I have no doubt that you have my daughter’s best interests at heart. You seem to really like her and she likes spending time with you. That’s good, because E***’s health and happiness are some of the most important things in my life.
But there are certain facts that concern me. My daughter tells me you have completely changed since you briefly went out with her last year. She says you are no longer using drugs and you now claim to be too young for sex, even though you’ve been sexually active for quite some time now. If that is actually true, I have a great deal of respect for you.
But it’s pretty common to *not* know what you really want at your age, and if you’re just playing it smarter, I will be extremely upset, but not half as upset as my daughter.
The simple fact is, my daughter has *no right* to be having sex at this point in her life. When she’s in your car, you are responsible for her life. I expect you to pay attention to the road and not blast sexually explicit lyrics through your stereo.
If you can agree to respect and abide by some simple rules, I think you are going to have a great time with E***. You’re pretty lucky that she finds you interesting.
Would that be a problem for you to follow my rules?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:45am

And what happens if/when he doesn't follow your rules? That was our problem. We made it real clear to b/f that DD (15 then) wasn't to be around drinking, especially him when he was drinking. He agreed but, of course, didn't. What then??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:24pm

Fortunately, in our case, DD will drop him like a brick if he drinks or is stoned around her.
..But he'll put on the "Eddie Haskell show" for me and nod vigerously; "Oh Yes! Mr. **, Yes! Mr. **! I have no intention of ever doing anything bad with your daughter!" lol..
(hopefully, I'm not the only one old enough to know who Eddie Haskell was...)

My intent is to nicely put him on notice that I see through his s*** and I want to make it clear what our rules and expectations are.
DD is no dummy, but this is her first "real" boyfriend. She has no intention of getting intimate with him. But I know his history. This guy is smooth..real smooth.
DD is the only one out of their "group" he hasn't nailed. (sorry for being crass)
And the peer pressure and prevailing attitude of indifference to sexual activity is amazing, along with the unwritten "expectations" after going out XX number of months.
DD is smart, but not necessarily around this. The pressure is subtle, but it's there. She's going to have to learn this by herself. I can't lock her in her room or "prevent" them from seeing each other. But I can point out certain things, and do what I can.

A few days ago I had DD to myself at dinner and I apologized for bad mouthing her BF. But I told her at the same time, to keep her ears and her eyes open and see what is.. not what she wants to be. (She tells me he's "changed")<--private daddio eye roll here
I also pointed out that just a few months ago, he was professing his undying love for a different girl. (This is SO age typical and kind of cute, except for the fact that he had sex with that one too..)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:37pm

I guess I was directing that last comment more at me than at you. DH specifically told him that if he drank around DD b/f wouldn't see DD until she was legally able to buy it for herself. Of course, he has drank around her and there isn't much we can do. Before she got her driving license, b/f had to come into the house and carry-on a conversation with me every night - this curbed his drinking until after he brought her home at least. Now that she drives, they go in her car most of the time so I don't worry as much. DH is a alcoholic (sober almost 6 years now) and I worry about what kind of life DD will have with this guy.

I too would worry if she was dating an Eddie Haskell type. Ex b/f was definitely an Eddie with the parents but was respectful of DD's beliefs and values (at least until they broke up). I can honestly say despite current B/F's faults he is honest. She knows exactly where she stands with him and I know exactly how he feels about me and DH. There haven't been any Eddie games played by him.

Hopefully weenieboy is young enough that this talk will have an impact on him. Have you given any thought into having DD present during this conversation? I would consider that b/c weenieboy might misrepresent some of the things that you said and cause major problems between you and DD. Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 2:44pm

Good speech! However, I would nix the following sentence:


>>The simple fact is, my daughter has *no right* to be having sex at this point in her life.<<


The *no right* thing kind of rubs me the wrong way...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:44pm
I have no doubt that statement would rub many people the wrong way,
considering the prevailing attitude that teenagers who are still children are now encouraged to "do what is right for you".
As soon as my children can handle the consequences of ANY behavior without altering my lifestyle and requiring my financial assistance, then they may have that right to engage in whatever activity that may be. Notice I haven’t even touched on the morality and psychological issues this topic bears.
That said, I have no intention of raising my DD in a box. She needs to clearly understand my rules and expectations, but know if she chooses to do this she needs to do it responsibly with our help.
Incidentally, it was my therapist friend who suggested the words, "no right." I asked if he would ever see DD if the need arises. He refused, saying he won't treat friends or family of friends. I thought that was interesting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 3:54pm

I agree 100%. And I have to say, daddioe, I really admire how dedicated you are to "looking out" for your girl. I wish my dad had done it that way...I wish my dh could take some pointers from you.

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