Hi, new here with a question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Hi, new here with a question.
15
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 12:23am
Hi, I am new here. I am a single mom and I have a 15-year-old son who is my oldest. I also have 12-year-old and 8-year-old daughters. My son's best friend has invited him to go to Minneapolis with him who is 15, his brother, who is turning 18 on the day they go there, his brother's 17 year-old friend, and another 15-year-old friend. They are planning on going to a Minnesota Twins game at night, which is in downtown Minneapolis, and to Mall of America, and spend 2 nights in a motel. We live in a small town of 8,000 people in northern Minnesota 6 hours from there, and we go there as a family every summer, and from our experiences, having them being in downtown Minneapolis at night without a parent scares me to death because of all the crime there. The kid that is inviting him has a high school principal for a dad, and he is OK with this. The older boys are good Christian boys who don't drink or do drugs. I talked to the mother of the other 15-year-old and she is apprehensive, but is leaning towards letting him go. My son says that supposedly the 17-year-old knows his way around there, but I can't see that they would have much, if any experience driving there. My first response was absolutely not, and of course, my son says if I don't let him go, I'm the worst mom in the world and he will never forgive me. What do you guys think? Am I being overprotective if I don't let him go? Thanks for the input, Loni

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 12:51am
Hi Loni,
I'm from Minneapolis. Hope I can help.
Driving downtown to the Metrodome on game night might be a bit harried for a 17 yr. old inexperienced with the downtown area. I wouldn't be -overly- concerned, but you might suggest the light rail as an alternative.
I wouldn't worry about crime in Minneapolis, particularly around the Metrodome on game night. Before and after the game there are hoards of people walking the streets. If the boys stick to the Metrodome area (which is quite wide) they'll be fine. By that I mean not wondering -far off- into places such as block E.
I'd actually be more concerned about the Mall of America than downtown. If they go there without an adult, make sure they bring ID and cellphones and insist they stick together. It's rare, but sometimes there's kids there that just look for confrontation. Also, the guards will kick anyone under 15 out if unaccompanied by an adult.
As a compromise, have him frequently call you from his cell phone. They should be fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 1:04am
Thanks for replying. I am trying to find out from them what motel they are planning to stay at. I know they have some that have shuttle buses to the Mall of America if I could convince them to take them. Maybe some would do the same to the Metrodome? I am not very familiar with the light rail system. How much is the fare and how far out of downtown do they go? Also, in the Mall of America, do you think they would have any problems being by themself if they are 15? Thanks, Loni
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 1:21am

Here is a link about the light rail line.
http://www.metrotransit.org/rail/

In re-reading your post, how much supervision is the dad going to provide? I just assumed he would be at the hotel with them the entire time. Can't he go to the game and the MOA too? That would simplify things a bit.
I will not allow my shopaholic 17 yr old DD to go to the MOA by herself. She needs to have at least one friend with her and they must stay together. The mall is not inherently dangerous. It's just that the place is so large and trouble occasionally happens there so it's best to be on the safe side.
If these kids have a good noggin (sounds like they do), they'll be fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 3:12am
Hi, I have two teen girls 13 and 14. I live in a nice, safe shore town in N.J. I had a similar situation. My soon to be fifteen year old begged to go see a movie that was having a special viewing at midnight. It wasn't Harry Potter. She wanted to go with a bright, mature 14 year old girl her age and a 14 year old who could be a lot less responsible. But the responsible girl was going with her college-age brother. I pushed for the other mothers to relent and go only in the day time. They wouldn't. I was definitely saying no, Then my daughter came and broke down and told me she been unhappy in school. (It was a small, private school that was like an academic pressure cooker--and the long story short going to this meant the world to her, I, the super most cautious parent, in seeing her unhappiness and how much this excursion truly meant to her becuase things were rough in school) agreed to let her go. More sometime on what can happen when you send your kid to a school that is too small and not the right fit for her. As it turned out, that midnight showing was canceled. So, I was spared any consequences of the decision, My friend's daughter is very popular, wins awards, etc. I have seen her mother turn her down when she really wanted to go some place the other kids were going. She was disappointed but I think it made her stronger, One mom in our town who is extremely wealthy didn't turn her son down to go on a jetski camping out trip with friends...and it didn't end well. I don't know your area. But see how truly, truly important it is to your son and, more important, why. Then, I'd use several other moms in your area as a guage. Tomorrow, I am letting my daughter go to the movies for the first time with a friend her age. I'm the last around to do it. Is there a real physical danger in your case? It's hard to set that aside! Can you come up with some modifications...Tell the moms your concerns...Maybe they'll work with you! Good luck. I know how you feel. I didn't put a profile here but you can log on to darydayshow.com--I write and have a talk show. So, you can read about me there, I do some blogs on teens. I just wrote on the special challenges of the teen years.Wow--it's enough to make you reach for the Clairol at times. Let me know you make out Concrerned Moms love company! Best, Dary
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 7:30am

Welcome Lori!


As I read your post, the first thing that hit me was the hotel if there's no parent there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 8:19am

Thanks for the responses. Daddioe, you asked how much supervision the dad is going to provide. He is not going, and no parents are. The boy, my son's friend's older brother is going as the "adult" who is turning 18 on Aug. 20, the day they are going. He is going into 12th grade and looks 15 or 16, and I am pretty sure at the Mall of America the older boys would split off from the younger boys and the 15-year-olds would be walking around by themselves. This is why it makes me nervous. The reason I am nervous about downtown Minneapolis is because last summer after a night Twins game, we went out the wrong exit and got turned around and couldn't find our car right away. It was raining, so it was pitch dark, and i had all three kids with me. I asked directions a couple times, and at first, it wasn't scary because there was a whole lot of people still coming out of the Metrodome, but we walked near the lot several times and missed seeing the car because it was dark and it looked different. By this time, there were less people around, and we were further away from the Metrodome, and it was a Friday night and there were a lot of people lining the streets that looked really shady like they were drug users or gang members, and we witnessed two guys having a fight, and threatening to stab each other, and there were no police anywhere that we could see. By the time we finally found our car, my son who was 14 at the time said, "never again are we going to a night game at the Metrodome. Let's make sure it's a day game next time". Now this is the same kid that wants to go down there at night on this trip without a parent. I knew that our situation was probably unusual, and maybe it is not as bad down there on a Monday night, but if they happened to not find their car right away, maybe they could get into a bad area by mistake. My son says "I feel safer with those boys than I would with you mom", and doesn't seem concerned.

I also wondered about the motel renting a room to a just turned 18-year-old and four minors without an adult 300 miles away from their home. I'm going to try and get the name of the motel, because supposedly the dad called down there and they said it was OK as long as there was an 18-year-old there. I'm not sure if they told them there were also a 17-year-old and 3 15-year-olds, four of which are not related to the 18-year-old. They would probably assume that they are going to drink underage if they knew that. I would hate to imagine what would happen if they refused to rent to them or if they got kicked out because they were too loud, and they are stuck down there at night without a place to stay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 9:21am

I would not allow a 'road trip' with an overnight stay at age 15 without a parent

End of senior year, my son and a few of his friends were talking 'road trip' and yes, at that point, I would have reluctantly gone along(he was 18)They never followed through BTW.

15 is too young

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 9:40am
I wouldn't have allowed my boys to go on an unsupervised overnight road trip at that age. Heck - I still wouldn't allow my 17yo to go that far from home with other teenagers. Once they are 18 and out of high school it's different. If you say no your ds will survive. He may think you are the world's meanest mom for awhile but he'll get over it.


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Pam
Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 10:50am
My kids think I tend to be overprotective, but of course I don't think I am. That being said, I would say no to this one. I don't even let my kids go downtown here to a concert, ball game, lacorsse game etc. without an adult and they know the way down on the subway and back. And going over night would be out of the question in our house without a parent of one of the kids along.
Sorry, but my vote would be no.
Kristie
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 11:20am
My answer would have to be no as well.

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