Hosting teen parties

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Hosting teen parties
5
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 1:39pm
We just had a terrible thing happen in our small community where a high schooler died from an injury sustained after drinking at a party. The party was "supervised" by an adult who now has been arrested for allowing underage drinking at his home. My question is this: How can we encourage our kids to bring friends into our home, maybe watch movies, play pool, etc. without the possibility of one or more of them potentially sneaking in some alcohol? I'm not naive enough to think that couldn't happen. My husband and I would definitely be home but the get-together would take place in the basement. We would occassionally head downstairs to take more snacks, pop, etc. but we don't want to be too intrusive or we're afraid the kids will feel "spied upon". We have stressed to both of our teens to make sure they let their friends know that we do not want alcolhol brought into our home. Any suggestions on how to handle teen get-togethers and not risk trouble with the law?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 1:57pm
First prayers for the family of this young person and your community.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 6:22pm
That's a really tough call.... I know my DD wants to have "people" over all the time. I never mind if it really is kept small. (10-15). The problem is these kids get on their cell phones and say "hey we are all over at A'z house, come on over" and the next thing you know there are 30 kids at your house and that's when it can get out of hand. I am always home when kids come over and let it be known that no alcohol is allowed. On the other hand they also know that I am not going to go and sniff everyone's sonic cup, so I'm sure some kids have brought it in and I never knew about it. There really is no way to 100% know it is not happening. If they really want to sneak it in they are pretty good at doing just that.....My advice is just to monitor often and make sure you know everybody that is there. By the way, my husband is an attorney, and says that if you do not provide any alcohol to minors and you truly have no knowledge that any alcohol was being consumed in your home, then you cannot be charged with anything...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 10:51am

My son who is 19 always had a houseful of people at our house and I was glad to provide a place for them to hang out. He knew there was to be no alcohol as did all the other kids who came here on any kind of a regular basis and they "policed" themselves. We had an incident where someone came to the house during a party and had beer. My son told them to leave and they did. Just a few weeks ago while he was home on spring break they were all going to be here and one of the other boy's college friends asked my son if there would be supervision there. My son said you mean as in can you bring alcohol? The boy replied yes, and my son point blank told him there would be NO alcohol in our house regardless of whether an adult was present.....

All that being said, I trust my son 100%.... but I have a 16 yr old daughter who doesn't seem to have the same moral compass and follows the crowd too much for my comfort.... I am working on that one.

One more thing.... it depends on the state what can be done as far as criminal charges. In my state, not only can the person who purchases the alcohol for the underage kids be charged, but so can any other "of age" adult present and the person whose home it is whether or not they are home..... It is certainly not something as a parent I want to take a chance on happening in my home.... Trust your instincts with your kids and keep a watchful eye. If someone brings alcohol in, you will know it.....if you are paying attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 05-05-2007 - 11:11am
Our state is much like yours - whether you know underage has alcohol in your home or not, you're liable if they get caught. There's a story around town about a 22 y/o home from college, sleeping in the room above the unattached garage getting nailed when his younger brother's friends had a party in the back yard that included alcohol. Don't know what the outcome of that was, but I did hear that the older brother was charged. Which to me seems a little crazy to me, in a state where parents can supply their own 6 y/o with a beer if they want - in their own home or in a bar. No penalty for that, but BIG penalties if I give my DS's 20 y/o friend a beer and get caught. Go figure.
Rose
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 3:31pm
Thanks for everyone's replies - I feel like there are SO many worries with teens!