Hot Topics: Dispute w/ Teen or Not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Hot Topics: Dispute w/ Teen or Not?
13
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 7:30pm

Hi everyone,
Something just came up and I wondered what your opinion is. I have learned (I think here) that when your teen comes to you, don't offer your two cents or lecture because then they won't want to talk to you. I do pretty good when it comes to friends, but my DD's teachers have a tendencies to talk about hot topics and give their opinions. Problem is, I don't normally agree and I'm afraid that my DD will take her teacher's word as the gosple. For example, today one of her teachers got on the topic of pediphiles who chat with someone undercover then are arrested when they go to meet the "minor" for $ex. She told the class they should not be arrested because it was entrapment. I am annoyed because I feel like the teacher is telling the class that pediphiles should get more sympathy (not to mention, the last I checked none of the teachers at my daughter's middle school have law degrees). I agree that it is entrapment, however, because of the potential, I think it's necessary to catch these people and make examples out them.

ANYWAY! My whole reason for writing is I shared my opinion with DD and she shut down and told me my opinion is "stupid". After I had a flash of coming over the counter and choking her, I told her everyone has their own opinion. I want her to keep talking to me, but I feel like if I don't say something about this (knowing she is an Internet user herself), then opinions such as her teachers will make an impression on her. I know her opinion will mature, but if this were you, would you keep your opinion to yourself or would you speak up?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 1:03am

WHAT THE HECK????? I'm not good at keeping my opinions to myself but for the love of Pete, pedophile entrapment? What the heck is that teacher thinking? Unless this is a class on Jackassery or Mrs. Henderson's Personal Opinions 101 I would voice my concerns to this teacher immediately. If you do not experience a FULL retraction and promise to cease and desist I would go straight to the principal. Is it at all possible the teacher never said these things or are you getting the full story?


Further, after I finished choking my kid (LOL!) I would tell

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 7:34am

LOL, well Betty, I don't know if I qualify as a "more mature" parent or not, but I'm going to add my 2 cents anyway.


I forget how old our OP's DD is, but from the quality of her response I'm going to guess she's under 16 or so. Truthfully, mom and dad are pretty much brain dead and functioning only by god's graces if you ask most younger teens, thankfully DH and I are finally having some brain cells come back to life in the mind of our 18 y/o, and even have occasional pearls of wisdom in the minds of our 21 y/os.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 7:34am

i think that there is a lot of value in kids hearing *other* opinions. I am not going to go into the entrapment issue - i have a feeling that your dd may have 'heard' only some of what was said. (kids have a tendency to do that). its also possible that your dd was trying to get a rile out of you (they also have a tendency to do THAT). also - sometimes kids WILL take the word of 'someone else' over the word of their 'boring' parents - that's pretty normal too.

I know that i sometimes will 'deliberately' say something to my DS that is not necessarily "my" opinion - just to get a debate going, to get him to defend his opinion, and to open his mind to the possibility that there could be more than one *right* way of seeing things. again - i am not going to go into the entrapment issue in particular.

you still should raise the issue with the teacher, maybe try to find out what HER intentions were and what was actually said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2006
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 9:59am
Choke your DD and then choke the teacher!! seriously, WOW! i would definitely look into going to the school to find out what was really going on and discuss whether that was appropriate. i actually don't have much of a problem with opinion stuff with my teens. i majored in political science throughout their childhood and they heard opinions fly around quite a bit! they tend to agree with most of mine. we have always held debates at home since they were pretty young and have always discussed the fact that people have different opinions, opinions are different than facts and that if you have one make sure it is well researched, well-thought out and you can back it up. i think this has also given them alot of freedon from feeling like they have to follow the crowd in other areas. as for me getting increasingly dumb as they hit their teens we have had a little of that also. but i do not agree that you should not share your opinions with your teens. just make sure discussion follows on both sides about the logic/reasoning behind those opinions and make it clear that other opinions are ok. just encourage them to form their own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 10:06am

Thank you for your imput ladies. I was pretty heated yesterday, I have calmed down a bit since. After I posted, I asked DD how the topic even came up. She explained (which sounded something like, "we were talking about this thing, and how back then..." in other words, it didn't make sense to me, but OK) and her teacher used the pediphile subject as an example. I came to the conclusion that if DD could not peoperly explain how they got on the subject, then she probably was not telling me the whole story. For all I know the teacher could have started off with, "some peopel think..." or was playing devl's advocate and she just convienently left that part out. It is possible that she was just trying to push my buttons, after all, there was a full moon last night.

As for her telling me my opinion was stupid, that was pretty ballsy on her part. I did shoot her the look (bunny, you cracked me up) because of the fine line. And Betty yes, my initial reacton was to tell her she is stupid, but I've been trying to keep my temper in check with her (she's so good at igniting it). I've been reading the book "Yes Your Teen is Crazy" and I keep reaffirming that I can't reason with a crazy person. I also keep telling myself that she will mature, although I must admit, it's difficult to picture her being anything else but a know-it-all teen. Thank you for your feedback.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 12:34pm

"Gosh I really want to hear what the other (more mature) parents say on this"


LOL!!! I meant a parent who wouldn't retort to "you're stupid!" not older parents LOL!! I didn't even read it that way. Gosh.....I AM stupid!! LOL!! Betty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 1:35pm

LOL

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 3:04pm

It'd be really hard for me to keep quiet also, especially to the teacher at PT time.

But after all this time (and the many times I've been told my ideas are stupid and my thoughts meaningless), I realize that our kids are going to be exposed to all sorts of opinions about all sorts of topics. My hope is that eventually, based on what they've heard and what they KNOW, they will make thier own assumptions and come to thier own conclusions. And those conclusions and assumptions are the result of many factors and not just on the thoughts of ONE teacher. You said what you thought to your dd, she told you you're stupid. Sounds like a TT response and I'd try to let it roll off. One day she will 'get it'. What they think of my thoughts or opinions, especially about topics like this, never keep me from speaking my mind. They need to hear it sometimes even if they don't agree with it. Best of luck = take a deep breath!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 3:38pm

Well, there are two sides to this: one, the fact that your dd thinks your opinion is "stupid". Unacceptable! You need to remind her that you are entitled to your opinion. State the facts. As for me, I have never been shy to express my opinion to my kids. I have to fight constantly against them hearing only one very biased side of issues at school. I stay away from opinions on haircuts, styles and trends, music, etc. for the most part. But never on social, religious, or political issues.

Secondly, in regard to the teacher. I have this issue over here alot in my neck of the woods, where most teachers are bleeding heart liberals. The big issue over here lately was immigration. There were staged protests all around - my dd14 participated in one in support of her Mexican friends. Apparently they had a lengthy discussion on the subject in History class, where her very liberal minded teacher chose to only present one side of the argument - how unfair it is to send back hard workers who will work for the kind of wages no American will. Once I presented my side of the argument to dd, i.e. the kind of resources that are being drained for illegal immigrants, thus taking away opportunities and resources from those who are actually here legally - dd was singing a different tune. These teachers make me angry, but I've not yet chosen to make it an issue with any of them. Some of the teachers are really good about not showing their bias, but the overwhelming majority are NOT.

As for me, I would leave the teacher out of it and just express to your dd that there is often more than one side to an issue - and that all are entitled to their opinions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 9:03pm

<<< (not to mention, the last I checked none of the teachers at my daughter's middle school have law degrees)>>>

I don't have a law degree either, but I have a bachelors in criminal justice and two years of law school, and so I'm going to give my opinion here....

I feel it is a type of entrapment, however I feel no sympathy for them whatsoever, and agree that they all need to be locked up. Maybe the teacher meant the same thing.

And I always give my opinion on these type issues to my DS. He doesn't always want to hear them... but when I hear him telling someone his opinion, and it almost mirrors mine, I know he's been listening even though he (so many times!) appeared not to.

zz

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