Housework help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Housework help
13
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 1:37pm

I know this issue is covered somewhere here, but I couldn’t find anything so here goes.

I’ve been married 22 years, and we have two kids ages 15 and 21. I work full time (and attend college in the evening three nights a week). My husband used to work full time, but now basically works part time (seasonal). I have always done ALL the housework (he does occasional pick up), and we share the cooking. I also do all the other “family business” type stuff, kid taxi, school issues, pets to vet/grooming, etc. The kids don’t do a whole lot as far as housework other than dinner clean up, cleaning their rooms, occasional vacumming, pet clean up, etc. Our oldest is 21 and works part to full time, and does not attend school, if that means anything.

My husband knows that I like to do laundry, so I’ve never asked anyone to do it, although our 15 yr old daughter occasionally does her own. My husband made a comment the other day (after I had made a comment about how we (key word "we") have let the yard “go”, weeds, etc.), he said that “well quite frequently I don’t have clean laundry.” (saying it with a “tone”, attitude, you know). I was completely taken aback and insulted. I do laundry at least three to four times a week, and he “frequently” doesn’t have clean clothes? Seriously? UUUgggg, I told him, maybe it’s because he only owns three pair of underwear.

So, I told him, that “from now on I’m only doing my own laundry. I’ve been doing everyone’s laundry for 25 years, and I think now it’s time everyone does their own.” Of course, he gets very mad, yelling, and tells me that he’s done cooking dinner, and everyone has to cook their own dinner. He’s very hard to have a argument with, because he just gets mad and yells. Help....

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 9:05am
Sabr, we had a housekeeper that came every 3 weeks for about 9 months after I had the youngest one and was back to work full time, it was the best investment EVER!! I also miss that the most...
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Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 9:03am
kimmybabe2009 wrote:

While at Wal-mart you might get a lovely TEDDY for yourself and tell DH that if you weren't so tired from being a maid, you might feel like wearing this more often.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 7:39am
kimmybabe2009 wrote:

While at Wal-mart you might get a lovely TEDDY for yourself and tell DH that if you weren't so tired from being a maid, you might feel like wearing this more often.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 11:04pm

Since both you and your dh work, I think the best thing is to get a cleaning lady.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 10:15pm

Well, I think I would start by going to the local Wal-mart and buying him extra underwear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 9:20pm

Okay, this is an ingrained pattern with your family, and those are hard, but not impossible, to change. In a way, you've been part of the problem by doing all this stuff all these years. This isn't to slam you, but people only change when their situation is untenable, and right now, they've got clean laundry, fresh meals, and an organized house. Why would they want to do chores when they get this stuff anyway?

So I'd just call a family meeting and announce that you have resigned as the doer of everything. List the chores and tell them they, not you, need to come up with a schedule for doing them. Then don't do them. This will be very hard for you, and I can promise you that your household will be a chaotic wreck for weeks, maybe months, but if you want this to change, you must stand your ground.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 9:06pm

I think men conveniently put on an act that they have no idea what needs to be done around the house--serously, are they idiots?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 8:38pm
Hugs, we are going through this right now at home. DH has a time consuming job, but the hours vary widely. The 16 year old keeps the main bathroom clean, her bedroom clean, and does most of the putting away of dishes, and about 1/2 of her laundry. She works part time and does both h/s and competitive cheerleading. I do everything else, with the exception of once or twice a month pizza that DH makes, and the loading the dishwasher which he does. He will do a load of his laundry once in a great while. I work full time and with 2 other kids under 5, get very overwhelmed often. His solution always is to tell the 16 year old that she needs to do more. The other day I specifically told him I needed some more help with things (which I say often and he ignores), he made the comment that the dishes were always taken vp are of, and he could do his laundry also, what else exactly did I need help with, he didn't understand... Sigh, funny, the he's never touch the vacuum since we've been married, cleaned our master bath once or twice and I'm not sure he knows what a dish rag is. It's all very frustrating, and I definitely understand how you feel. I really don't think most men truly realize how much housework there really is! I like the suggestion of writing things all out, maybe in categories of daily, weekly, monthly, etc. I think the kids are p,entry old enough to be pitching in to help out. I do have the little girls help empty the dishwasher, like putting the silverware in the drawers, setting the table, and they know how to clear their own plates. Every little thing helps when you come home from a long day at work.
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Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 8:17pm

As someone else mentioned, this situation didn't start yesterday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 6:24pm

I really feel for you... btdt.

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