How can I help my friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
How can I help my friend?
4
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 11:17am

Hi, everyone...it has been a very long time since I've visited this board.

In December, my 18 yo DD broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years. It was devastating for all of us...especially him. He relied on her for everything...we all cried and I had to pray it out, there was no other way. He is still hurting, and hardly leaves his house. That said...I just heard this morning from a very good friend...her 16 yo DD just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years. It was also very bad and he tried to commit suicide and is now in

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 6:23pm

Yes, ITA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 3:32pm

No words of wisdom here, either. If they boy tried to commit suicide he's where he needs to be; likely if he's that emotionally fragile he would have attempted it at some point - it's NOT the girl's fault. Teen age romances very, very seldom last (yes I know there are exceptions). And first heart breaks are always tough as teens don't always have the emotional maturity to handle it gracefully. Hang in there, listen to your friend, and reinforce the fact that her dd should NOT consider getting back together with the boy out of guilt. My youngest ds stayed with his ex much longer than he should have for that very reason - she was constantly threatening suicide and we didn't find out until much later how absolutely miserable he was in that relationship.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 12:55pm
Thanks for your response...it appears this boy's parents are of course having a hard time and they keep calling my friend...making it even harder on her.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 12:26pm

I wish I knew what to tell you. When I was in college, I had a friend who tried to kill himself over a breakup. He also spent time in the psych ward. But IDK what to tell you about about your friend's DD's feeling guilt over it. (even though it's not her fault) I was on the other side of the situation. All his friends visited him a lot and brought him gifts to cheer him up, etc... eventually, he just got ovet it. But, I don't remember what happened otherwise. Sadly, most people will focus on him and forget about her. (some of his friends may blame her) I guess just tell her repeatedly it's not her fault. It will probably take him getting over it, though, to make her feel better. She can't be held resposible b/c he was unable to deal with his emotions. You can't stay with someone for the sole reason that you are scared they might hurt themselves if you don't. That doesn't solve the problem, hopefully he will get help in the hospital.