How to deal with a Braggart??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
How to deal with a Braggart??
4
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 3:23pm
Not a major dilema but I need some advice. I know we've all known people like this and lately I am at a loss and out of patience! I have posted previously about DD17's bf putting her down, how he always has to be the center of attention and a complete know-it-all and it infuriates me the way he feels he is so much better than DD and sometimes treats her like a small child. I've been good lately and haven't voiced my opinion since my last explosion where I thought for sure I had damaged my relationship with DD but we have been getting along well enough. Although there has been plenty for me to voice my opinion about but I have been biting my tongue and hard!! I even did some research online about how to deal with braggarts and I've discovered that the bf is not only a braggart, he is an egomaniac, interrupter, monpolizer and a complete conversation killer. But most importantly I've realized that not only does the bf treat DD like this but he treats everyone like this. I don't know why I didn't realize it before, afterall, he has been dating DD for a year and a half. I know a lot of times insecure people behave this way and I do know that he has family issues but he has gotten so much worse lately. Ever since he found out that DD was going to NY this summer he has been unbearable. You can't say anything to him without him interrupting with a story of his mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, grandmother, counsin, or grandfather's uncle's sister's dog doing that too and better than you! He turns every situation around on himself no matter what it is. DD has always had self confidence and self esteem issues and he doesn't help her when he always has to come out "on top". But DH has made very good points that the bf is not a bad kid and he keeps DD out of trouble and keeps her on the straight and narrow so it could be so much worse. I know...I know...I know...and I do count my blessings in that regard so be easy with me if you write back that I should be happy that I'm not dealing with a drug addict bf...I know....we've been down that road before too so I know. But this is driving me crazy and I'm hoping that someone might have some suggestions with how to deal with someone like this when they are dating your child and at your house almost every day?? Any btdt experiences would be greatly appreciated because I'm starting to think of him as an annoying gnat and I feel terrible for even admitting that out loud!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 4:39pm

IMHO this kind of talk comes out of insecurity - he has to keep telling you how great he is in order to feel important. Maybe understanding that (and saying it over and over in your head LOL) will help. Also, I have said (about myself and to my DD) that I am not impressed by people who always tell me how great they are - their actions and deeds will tell me how great they are. For example, the new assistant principal at my DS's school introduced herself in Sept by telling us all about her advanced degrees - instead of impressing me, that put me on the defensive that she's insecure and needs to tell us how important she is. Not surprisingly, her actions have not lived up to her self-report. In my work, I am always leery of people who put their credentials out on the table (figuratively) - I have the advanced credentials too, but I don't flaunt them - if I'm doing good work, you'll know it.

Maybe talking to your DD about this (actions are stronger than words, and insecure people always need to brag) might help her put it in perspective. Depending on your relationship with the BF, you might say to him "I like you already, you don't need to tell me how great you are - I already know it. And besides, I'm more impressed by people's actions than their words"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 7:49pm

Luv l&s makes some good points chillie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 9:21pm

Don't have any real advice here. Have you ever flat-out asked him why he does it? I'm betting you probably have and it didn't do any good. If not, I'd suggest do that. If you have (which again I'm betting you have), if it were me I'd try to have a little fun with it, since he's getting down-right annoying. Turn the topic of conversation to something that is very female: menses, cramping, somebody you know that's pregnant, etc. See if that shuts him up. Then again, you might hear all about how horrible his mom cramps every month.

Just a random thought.

Sallie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 10:09am
hahaha.....that's an excellent suggestion! I have asked him why he feels the need to constantly brag about himself and rattle off his resume to everyone, GPA included, and his answer was that he likes to talk about himself and he loves to be the center of attention. DH and I have tried to get our points across both jokingly and seriously but it does no good. A while back he even said that he doesn't understand why our family tends to bust his chops all the time and his family worships him and treats him like a god! I told him that he needs to have balance in his life somewhere. But that he can talk about himself all he wants because actions speak louder than words and words don't impress me. But I think your on to something here because he is very conservative and I bet turning the subject in that direction might shut him up - for a few minutes at least!