how to deal w/ 17 yo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
how to deal w/ 17 yo
15
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 12:09pm

My DSD is 17 and it seems to me that her father has a very ineffective way of dealing w/ her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 11:16am

musiclover12,


Just wanted to send you some {{hugs}} this morning.

 

 

 

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 11:40am

I think that no matter what you do, this will be difficult. I guess for me, I'd probably offer dsd a place in my new home however, with certain rules and guidelines in place due to her past history of being a rule breaker. I would simply because of the fact that she is a young woman without a parent in her corner. Her grandmother has already refused her, her father refuses her everytime he opens his mouth. I just would feel that if I can make the one difference in her life, then I would try. Having come from a divorce situation myself (with my two dds) I can honestly say that I know what you mean about being separated but still feeling married. Eventually, however, that does change, things settle and everyone finds their groove.


I am not telling you what to do, I'm just offering up some food for thought. If you were dead and had left a daughter (or son) behind in those circumstances, wouldn't you want someone to try and save her/him? I would. OTOH, if it's all you can do to simply save YOURSELF and DS, then you have to focus on that and that alone. If you feel it would be a strike against your own safety and sanity to take this dsd on also, then you should not do it. However, you could offer her a lifeline if she needs it.


Best of luck and many many hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 5:20pm

Last night again DH was berating DSD for something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 7:20pm

The other thing you might want to consider is long term future as in SIL, DIL and grandchildren. If DD didnt want to bring friends home because of DHs over reaction and drama, how do you think she will feel about her children. And, for DS(seems far but you know how fast it goes)a DIL is going to be far less tolerant than a DD

DH can be critical and loud(yes, and the F word). He doesnt seem to do it as consistently as your DH.

He apparently became overcritical of DS's GF when golfing. She will no longer golf with them I also have noted that she has not come to the house since and DS has come twice, on her nights off.

I am hoping I am reading too much into it. DH insists he was just jokingly hurrying her along(I dont think he lost his temper; I think he was just self centered and insensitive which isnt good either but not as bad as it could have been)

But, it got me to thinking.....if she stops wanting to come here because of DHs difficult personality and they marry and have kids-what will THAT look like? I will not give up the opportunity to see my future grandchildren, KWIM?

DH does seem to feel bad but insists it was minor. Im not sure what to think; GF grew up without a dad and Im not sure she isnt over reacting. I honestly dont know, but....food for thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 12:27pm

I know how she might feel.

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