How do I deal with DD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
How do I deal with DD?
2
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 8:46am

Hi! New here...looking for some advice.


My 17yo DD is a senior - graduating in June and going out of state to college in the fall.


During her 4 years in hs, we have had lots of school-related behaviour issues with her. Most of the issues stem from personality clashes with teachers, disrespect of teachers, and breaking rules like using cell phone in class, arriving late to classes (considered cutting class). Many of these issues have resulted in detentions (3 hours on Sat mornings), in school suspensions (2 days sitting in a room doing nothing), and out of school suspensions.


Other issues that have affected her in school behaviour have to do with the typical hs friend and boyfriend situations that most kids go thru. I should add that friend problems result in school problems because she will go to the bathroom to cry (cutting class) or be in the wrong part of the building to talk to someone (again, not in class).


Grade-wise she manages to get by. She doesn't care and doesn't apply herself. She assures me things bill be different in college. However, that's not my concern right now.


DD seemed sad and depressed this week. When I attempt to find out what's wrong, she doesn't want to talk to me. After an attempt to talk to her yesterday, she told me that she was having problems with some friends and that she can't talk to me because I don't support her. She says I only get mad or turn it around on her in an attempt to help her when I should just offer support and empathy. This upsets me alot. She is right in that whenever there is something bothering her, it is most likely something that she has brought on herself. In an attempt to help her, I try to point this out and then offer some solutions. In her eyes, this is bad parenting.


I want to talk to her. I want her to not hate me. I want her to be HAPPY. I also want her to improve her behaviour in school and with her friends so that these kinds of problems do not continue in college.


What can I

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 8:52am

I have had more luck this year when I say NOTHING. When I try to offer advice, my DD15 gets so mad. I realized she just needs to vent, I don't need to say anything. Eventually she sees that things are her responsibility. I find myself literally sitting there saying to myself "just listen, don't talk". One day this week, I realized she was looking at me waiting for me to say something. ONly I didn't know what to say, what wouldn't make her madder at me. So, I said "I don't know what to say" and she said "I know, no one does, I just needed to vent. Thanks." LOL, almost fainted at that THANKS. lol

Hang in there!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 1:36pm

I think I can learn to listen to her and empathize with her rather than find something to criticize. However, I need to have a talk with her so that we can put things in perspective. This is where I have no idea what to say. I am really bad at talking with my kids and I tend to avoid things.