How do I help dd17? Prayers please.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How do I help dd17? Prayers please.
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Tue, 08-07-2007 - 12:09pm

As some of you know, my 17dd has dealt with depression off and on this year. Up until she graduated from HS in June, she was plagued by the consequences of making poor friends, poor choices, and beat herself up over those things - moreso than anyone else ever could. She wound up in the hospital and has been slowly getting better.

She lost her job at that time and has a promising one lined up - she will find out this week if it's hers! In the meantime, she's been hanging around the house, kind of mopey, waiting for her ONE close friend to get home from camp/work.

I've been filling the time with chores, errands and planned activities that she and I can participate in together. Because of her counseling session, she can't really go stay with her dad for a whole week or two, as planned back in May before everything. But she's had a couple of long weekends here and there.

DD's graduating class consisted of only 23 students as she attended a charter school out of town. Most of her friends live a bit of a distance from our home, but most of them drive. Several times dd has been invited to a party only then to get a call that it's been cancelled. Those parties were pretty much the only way she'd really get to see any of her friends from school and catch up. She just learned the other day that none of those parties were cancelled, but that one girl who hates dd and refused to invite her or attend a party if dd would be present. The other kids are like sheep and instead of backing up dd or sticking up for her, they bowed down to this little queen bee and uninvited dd! I know you all know how devasted dd must feel, how lonely and left out she is feeling. Oddly, most of these kids leave her fun messages on her facebook and call her but they never EVER get together or they will make plans with dd and then cancel or just never call her back. It is so hurtful. These kids are 17-19 years of age - when does it freakin end? All because this one girl doesn't like dd...the reason she claims is that dd's exbf told her that dd was abusive to him when they were together. Not true - HE was the abusive one. He even sexually assaulted dd but he's telling everyone that dd was the abusive one.

DD begins her classes at a local comminity college September 4th and I can't wait; she is excited as well. Some of those kids will be there, but I don't think the mean girl will be. Anyway, that's a month away and I am back at work now so dd is home, sleeping away her days. I leave her chores and she will come to my office to hang with me once in a while or have lunch together, but I am worried that this will send her back into a depression. She sees her counselor weekly, which is great, but she doesn't go in until Friday and here is it Tuesday and I can see that look in dd's eyes and I am worried.

I have encouraged her to go on line and check out the syllabi for her classes and maybe she can go to the Art shop and pick some things up she will need, but she's just lying in bed and refuses.

She told her ONE friend (this girl is always at my house) that she feels that there is no purpose for her to live anymore. She told her she's not going to hurt herself but that she just feels 'what's the point' and that no one likes her or wants to hang out with her and she doesn't know what she wants to do so who would want to...that it will never get better. Her counselor is good and after dd sees her she seems to feel better, but it only lasts a day or so. She's been getting these horrible headaches caused my stress and anxiety and she's not drinking enough water, so I'm sure she's beginning to be be dehydrated as well. I just can't seem to be able to lead her in any way and it's frustrating.

Basically, this is just a vent really, and a call for support. Just keep her in your thoughts and prayers, please. Thanks.

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Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:20am

Oh h&r ... reading your post made me feel so sad for you and your DD. Hugs are coming your way, along with many positive thoughts and prayers. It is discouraging to hear that the 'mean girl' stuff doesn't just magically disappear with high school graduation -- as much as we would like for it to.

I haven't read all the responses, but I too, thought of getting your DD involved in some volunteer work or community service to fill the days before school starts. Animal shelters seem to always need people, too. DS and I used to spend a few hours each week at the local feline No-Kill shelter, just petting and playing with the kitties to keep them socialized for adoption.

I truly hope and pray your DD will find her niche when school starts again. In the meantime, I'll remember you both in my prayers and do keep us posted.

Julie

 

 

 

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