How do I help my friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
How do I help my friend?
6
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 9:00pm

One of my very close friends is really struggling with being a new empty nester. Her only son started college this year, and up until a month ago most of her day/week was scheduled around him and his interests and needs. Her husband is not a very supportive person; her mother passed away 18 months ago....you get the picture - she's floundering.

I've talked to her a bit about what she wants to do now - could she find work she likes and finds interesting? What activities could she get involved with?

I'm really worried for her. OTOH, she has friends and community connections, but OTOH she's spent the last 18 years focussed on her son - everything else came second.

What can I do to help? I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing and making her sadder. Right now we eat lunch together once a week and chat online almost every morning - but I still feel like she's so sad and lost.

Anyone have experience or advice?

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 11:24pm

I don't have any real life experience with this, sorry. I guess I might suggest to her that she get involved in some kind of volunteer work. She could volunteer at a hospital, nursing home, senior center, a local school, youth group of some kind. There a lots of places that could use volunteers.


Are there any hobbies that she used to enjoy before she had her son? Maybe she could pick up on something that she gave up because she didn't have the time anymore. Or she could take a community education class and learn something new.


I know it must be hard when you have had someone be your life for so long, suddenly not there anymore. I guess she really needs to find something just to fill the time.


I am sure that having you there to talk to does help her too. Keep doing those lunches.


Hope this helped a little anyway

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 11:37pm

I don't have any experience with this but I do have an idea from our California days.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 12:25am

I don't know if your friend would be interested in joining ivillage, but there's an Empty Nest board.


zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 7:15am

Dont try to point out the positives of him being gone-guys tend to do this. When our eldest moved out "One down, two to go-haha". Hated it; I was the closest to my eldest and took it very hard, even with 2 still at home

Honestly, just be there to listen and dont try to change the subject to make her feel better if she has been the one to bring it up

A job would help, for sure. It doesnt have to be full time and it doesnt have to be big money-it will give her another focus. Personally, if she is really having a hard time with this, I wouldnt suggest working with children myself but a different population

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 7:57am




I so agree with not trying to point out the positives of him being gone - when you're going through it, it sure feels like there's not one single positive in the experience - btdt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 10:06am
Do you think she would like to have a puppy or some other 4-legged "child" to nurture?