how do i tell mum im on the pill?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
how do i tell mum im on the pill?
5
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 1:00pm
how do i tell my mum i having sex?
i am 16 and have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months. i hav had many boyfriends and i know that i have found a good guy :) we have just started to have sex and so i have started to go on the pill for contraception (as well as condoms). my mum doesnt want me to have sex until i get married and i understand her reasoning however i believe i am being responsible and that i personally am ready. i would rather that i tell her that im on the pill myself than her find out accidentally but i dont know how to tell her without her getting mad or trying to stop me seeing my boyfriend. any ideas would really be appreciated, thanks,
nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 1:41pm

Do you think you could tell her in a letter or e-mail? Sometimes it's much easier to write what you find difficult to actually say face-to-face.

I applaud you for wanting to tell your mother herself, rather than have her find out 'accidentally'. As a mom myself, I think it would be rather difficult to learn that my 'baby' is having sex, but I'd rather hear it from her (somehow) than any other way. Plus I think I would be happy and relieved that she is being responsible about it, in any event.

Good luck; I hope it goes well.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 2:41pm

It depends on what type of relationship you have with your mom. You might just try telling her the way you've told us here - leave emotions out of it. The email idea is also a good one but might come as a bit of a shock. I like talking about these types of things in the car with my daughter, so that we don't have to look at each other.

I guess you know that your mother will be dissapointed, but that doesn't mean that she will think any less of you so please try to keep that in mind...good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:02pm
I'll be honest.. my first response as a mother is *GULP* along with an inner cringe.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 5:46pm
Hi, i don't have children yet myself, but i am very close to my dsd (14). She sounds like she is very serious with her boyfriend so the teen sex thing is very much on my mind right now!
For me, the most important thing is the protection (that's condoms every single time and the pill, as you mentioned) because i would want to know that she is taking care of her health/body above all. That's the practical bit, then i'd worry about the emotional side of things and whether she is really ready for the enormous responsibility. of course, only you can answer that question (my opinion may not matter, but i would tell her anyway, that having sex is something that you'll never regret giving more time, but if you are going to, please be educated and responsible about it).
Saying all this, i'm ALOT more open minded than my own mother was with me. My 'sex talk' wtih her consisted of 'you'd better have a white wedding!!' haha I didn't tell her when i was almost 17 and having (also protected) sex with my bf and i don't think she could have handled it (we're very different). If i was your mum, i would want to know and have an open, ongoing discussion about it.
i think it's great that you are wanting to keep up communication with your mum. I think that she would most want you to be safe and healthy so whether or not you tell her, please take care of yourself (as it sounds like you are doing, but as an 'old person' of 35, i have to say it! haha)
:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:27pm

This is such a difficult time for you so I'm sending you cyberhugs. As a mom, I really appreciate that you want to be honest with her. Sometime prior to my DD's having sex, I told her that she could ask me to get her birth control. She knew my values and thoughts on the subject as we had discussed this many times. I stressed to her that my request to know was not to be nosey or so that I could try to argue her out of it but that I was concerned about her health - if she were in an accident, I needed to know what medication she was on. I also don't trust some of the newer methods as they have not been around real long (sort of like the patch and the recent stories about blood clots). While I may not agree with her decision to have sex before marriage, I have always been an advocate for keeping my kids healthy and that wasn't going to change. She said well mom that's just not something I can up and tell you. So I said, well e-mail me or write me a letter. She e-mailed me and that was that. It was good that I knew b/c she had questions about side-effects, etc and she had me to ask not some other unknowing teen.

I would have preferred she come to me face-to-facee but the e-mail did give me time to have a good cry and pull myself together before I had to face her.

Good Luck!